Cutlery
Kill All the White People
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Yeah, this man speaks the truth. With women like that who are damaged goods, there"s no positive outcome to any of that. They"re not going to change. If they"re obsessed over it, they"re not going to give it up, and they"ll view every nice guy they meet the same way. Unfortunately, they won"t view the douchebags that way, and end up with them, and they"ll cheat on the chick again, perpetuating the cycle. It"s kinda what they do.Ronaan said:
Here, little story of my life recently. I"m 30, I"ve got a female friend who"s 23. We both can admit that if the situations were different, we"d be hitting it pretty hard. Her fiance is my age, and they"ve been dating for 7 years. Just so that sinks in, yes, she was 16 and he was 23. Not cool imo, but I can kinda look past that. Hell, i got married at 19, what the fuck can I say? Not much. She then informs me that he used to be on meth when they started dating, and has since dropped it. I"m skeptical, since meth isn"t something where you just put the pack up on the mantle and don"t ever do it again. He seems to have borderline workaholic tendencies, so I"m reasonably satisfied that"s where he"s moved his addiction in order to be with her. Later, she informs me that he was only on meth because he was dealing it. Oh, well, that makes it a whole lot better then. As long as he was dealing it, that makes it fine and dandy. Again, when I ask her about this, her argument is "Well, he"s not doing it now, I can tell." I"d agree with that, if you live with someone, you can tell when they"re on meth. And her continuation is "Are people not allowed to change?" Okay, fine, I"ve gotta concede that point as well. Not ever having met the dude, I"m pretty sure he"s scum of the fucking earth, but she seems happy with him, so really, what can I say?
So she talks to me the other week about her boyfriend being paranoid about her cheating on him. Says he came up with some bullshit excuse about his friend getting cheated on, so now he"s worried that because she spends a pretty decent chunk of time with me (and various other male friends, none of which have a romantic interest), that she must be doing us all. She seems to downplay this as it"s not a big deal, and makes a bunch of excuses for his behavior, and I tell her "Uhh, no, he called you a fucking whore in your own house."
"No, not exactly"
"Uhh, yes, he fucking did. And you need to stop that shit immediately, because this is not the guy you want to be married to. If he"s going to be paranoid every time you leave the house, it"s not going to get any better in a year, or 5, or 10. It"s just going to build."
She pretty much ignores my advice, near as I can tell, and has since stopped talking to me as much because she"s concerned that if her boyfriend finds out how much we really hang out and chat and text that he"ll get the wrong idea. So? Fuck em. There"s nothing going on, and if he"s got a problem with that, then he"s hopeless.
Last week she asks me for advice about one of her friends. She"s 17, and in an abusive relationship. Asks me what kind of girl gets involved with a guy who beats her and then keeps going back to him. I ask her what kind of girl gets involved with a 23 year old meth dealer at 16 and decides to marry him. I say the only difference between her and her friend is a black eye. They"re both being manipulated by douchebags, but refuse to admit it to themselves. Everyone else can see it, but women will go to ridiculous lengths to avoid facing that reality themselves.
I"d say half of me doesn"t care. It"s none of my business, and whatever makes you happy, fine. Probably 45% of me wants to break them up to give her a better chance at finding someone who"s not a complete shitball. But the last 5% of me realizes that even if they do break up, she"s just gonna find another douchebag to latch on to because he treats her like shit and she loves it. This is reinforced by the fact that I have zero qualms telling her exactly what I said in this post, point blank, to her face. Her boyfriend is a meth dealing, statutory rapist slimeball, and she"s too weak to know the difference between him and an actual good guy. She hasn"t stopped talking to me at all (like most normal people would). She still keeps coming back for more. The more I do things like that, the more she attaches herself to me. That"s the sign of no hope. They"re gluttons for punishment and will take whatever they have just to avoid being alone.
I don"t think I could ever be with a girl like that, even if we were both single in the future. Who wants to put up with that constant need for reassuring that they"re good enough, and always wondering whether they"re doing things for themselves, or because they know it"s what you want them to do? It"d drive me insane. I like having a wife with an opinion on things somtimes, even if she prefers I take charge and decide where we"re going out to eat, or what movie we watch.
What does this have to do with anything? Needless -- don"t be the bitch with the black eye. Tell her to knock her shit off, get some help for her mental issues, or you"re outta there. And then follow thru on it.
Okay, so you"ve got your foot in the door, how did that end up working out for you? Do you deny that your relationships start off pretty well and then the girl just loses interest in you after a few months? I will freely admit I don"t know your entire dating history as well as you do, but that"s the perception I get. Have you ever had a long term relationship? Like, say, a year or 2? If not, I"d say that speaks volumes about the man you are, not the man you pretend to be. You can keep up with some good appearances for a little while, but eventually you let your guard down around someone and the real you is going to rise to the surface. If you can"t be yourself from day 1, what good does getting your foot in the door do? It"s just time wasted on a girl who"s not interested in you.Eomer said:
And I"ve always felt Seinfeld was dumb. The show might be popular, but I can"t see any connection between that and real life. At least not the life I live. Who"s winning? What the fuck? Relationships aren"t about winning. If you"re going in with that mentality, then there obviously needs to be a loser. And the loser either flipped over the gameboard and walked out on you, or you"re the loser and don"t know it yet. Completely wrong mindset to be using imo.
I talk about the above female with my wife quite often, which raised the question from my wife if she ever played games with me while we were dating. I thought about it and had to say she didn"t. None that I can recall, and she doesn"t think she did either. I hate to keep turning this into a "Hey, my girl is awesome, too bad yours all suck!" kinda thing, but I just don"t see why games need to be played at all. My wife and I hung out at my place with my roommate quite a bit before we started dating. My roommate and I had opposite days off, so there were only 2 days a week we actually both worked. My wife would just hang out with Rick until I got home, and then hang out with me. I figured she was interested in him, so I never made a move. Turns out she was just waiting for me to, and when I never did, she had to sit me down and tell me "Hey, dumbshit, you wanna start dating or what?" That"s about as direct as it gets. Women just want you to be the man. Have an opinion, ask them to do stuff, make plans. If they don"t want to, they"re not interested. If they are, they jump at the chance. It"s pretty simple, really. You"ve just gotta get used to hearing "No" from the population that doesn"t want to do anything with you.
