Girls who broke your heart thread

Simply change the word divorce to DoubleChristmas and youll fix the problem.

Parents fighting all the goddamn time hardly seems stable. With divorce so prevalent I guess that means we"re all borderline retarded!

There"s a huge difference between parents having arguments and not wanting to stay together because it"s difficult, and the rare, truly malignant environment.

Divorce is really bad for kids for a ton of reasons. There are definitely a lot of parents that confuse what"s best for me vs what"s best for my kids.

TheCutlery said:

Except that the study shows that fighting parents don"t fuck up your kid"s education, divorce does?

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I think studies show correlation, but do they show causation?

Thought this should go here instead of FSR.

I"m not ragging on you tarrant, what you said is a little ironic. For those of you who didn"t grow up in a divorced household, a divorce is the biggest, most passive aggressive, shitstorm between two people that will ever take place in their lives and it is never resolved.

And no matter what you tell the kids they don"t see how it"s not related to them. Because kids understand part of the conflict has to do with them (custody, etc) and they understand on a subconscious level that their parents would have nothing to do with each other anymore if there were no kids involved.

Is divorce always bad, of course not. But divorce is sure as hell not a good move for your kids. At best it"s the better of two bad options.

Think I lucked out, my dad didn"t give a shit and then we moved out of state. Also I was 3. Maybe it messes with you if you"re old enough to know about it, I suppose.

I"d be interested in seeing the same "study" done with couples who hate each other, emotionally/physically abusive spouses, etc. etc. I"m also interested in the socioeconomic backgrounds of the families that were looked at.

You can"t honestly tell me this woman:

The findings sounded familiar to Karin, a divorced Twin Cities mother whose son is 10 and daughter is 5. (She asked that her last name not be used because of a restraining order against an abusive ex-husband.) Her son was in kindergarten at the time of the divorce and was affected in ways she didn"t see at the time, she said. Her son has since struggled with depression.

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should have stayed married for the sake of her kid"s test scores and baseball ability. Additionally I"m sureBig Brothers Big Sisters of the Greater Twin Citiescan teach her son how to play sports.

Lower test scores does not necessarily mean a worse life. Maybe the test scores got lower because the kid finally was comfortable enough to bring friends over to hang out instead of studying because he was no longer worried that his parents would start screaming at each other in front of his friends. Then he wouldn"t have to lay there in bed listening as they were screaming, wondering if THIS was going to be the time he hit her so he"d have to jump out of his room and get in a fight with a man twice his size because even though the fighting might be her fault, you"re not going to let anyone hit your mom.
Yeah...go through years of that and tell me that"s fucking better than divorce.

TheCutlery said:

Abusive relationships are bad. Film at 11. Jesus christ, I can"t believe we"re talking about this. Do all divorces end because of abuse now?

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I cant even figure out what you are championing beyond fail. That having a horribly dysfunctional home environment is a good thing for children and the adults involved? What kind of slug could "pretend" to having a happy home in such a marriage? I cant figure out wtf you believing you are proving with your shitty correlative "study" you are blathering about.

When I have a fight over an issue that seems irresolvable in a relationship, even something small, I immediately start thinking the relationship is doomed and I should move on.

That"s the result of living in a home where parents argue 1-2 hours a day every day for over a year.

I"ll take lower test scores any day.

My father, who practiced the art of conditional love and emotional withdrawal as a weapon with everyone in the family waited until "the kids were in college" (except my sister was still in high school) to walk out. Said he had been unhappy since I was 5 - so on top of the whole I only love you when you do what I want thing my entire family experience had been a lie.

Oh the irony - this father"s day will mark 5 years since we"ve spoken. I had enough of the bullshit during the subsequent divorce and decided that one thing he said was actually right - people have a right to be happy and I"m happier without him in my life .

Don"t really even think about him, not mad, not anything he"s just gone. I get cards with "please call me" and they just go in the trash. I have no father. But it took a while for me to get over the whole "my entire life has been a lie" thing; still working on the desperate need for patriarchal approval thing.

I would have preferred divorce. Abuse isn"t only physical. (Though there was plenty of that too over the years).

Sounds like you"re being a tad bit over dramatic.

I"m smart enough not to take the bait on that.

(And laughing my ass off right now).

yeah my mom was similar. but picture a thick appalachian accent of "whats in the past is in the past! you break my hart when you dont return my calls. what about your family!!!"

No, it really does sound like you"re being over dramatic about the whole thing. Just because your dad doesn"t want to be with your mom doesn"t mean you have to hate him. Now if he had said something like.. "Since Etiolle was five I"ve hated this entire family, and my wife especially." Then I could understand being upset. But...?