Ravvenn said:
Thanks a bunch
I was working at my 2nd job this afternoon. The ex texted me asking if it was ok if she showed up. I said "fine with me", she wanted to talk. We were doing some petty smalltalk and I was trying to make it sink into her that whatever happens, I don"t see us getting back together.
I must have been too subtle though.
Anyway, after a while the phone at work rings, it"s Jessie. Uh oh. So I take the call, she asks if we can talk for a bit, I say "it"s not good right now", she says she"ll call later and we hang up.
Of course the ex heard this, and went on and on about how things couldn"t work between us if I still talked to the other woman (well no shit sherlock), and demanded that I call her back and tell her to not call again.
I was pretty stubborn though and refused to do so. In the end I did call, but nobody answered the phone.
All the time I was still trying to convince her that it wouldn"t make sense to keep going, and she just wouldn"t have any of it. Like a stubborn donkey, she was 100% sure that if we gave it a try it could and would work.
When she left, she said "well it doesn"t make sense anymore anyway", which sounds pretty final. I"m sorry that I didn"t give her another chance, somehow. But I just didn"t feel ready for it at the moment.
Jessie didn"t call again.
I still don"t really know what to do. I"d like to be able to give her another chance, to not throw away 4.5 years, but I still fear that it just wouldn"t work in the end. Maybe it"s
me, maybe I"ve got my mind set on attractive young sporty women (she doesn"t look bad for her age at all though).
So whatever I do, it will be wrong one way or the other. I was going to go out with her as "friends" to see if any feelings pop back up, but that"s not going to happen I guess, and maybe it"s better that way.
It comes down to throwing away 4.5 years, or 2 days. Looking at it like that, it"s pretty easy. On the other hand, everyone (including me) is asking her why she"s so totally focused on getting me back. She says she feels I"m the one and only guy to grow old with. And whenever she says that, I think that I must have a heart of stone. I wanted to hurt her as little as possible, and in the end hurt her more than I imagined.
This shit is really getting to me. The coworker whom I released from her shift noticed that I look like shit right now too. I"ve lost a bunch of weight as well (ok, won"t complain about that one, heh).
I hope my sinuses clear up until tuesday, so I can climb for a few hours and just shut off my brain to the rest of the fucking issues I have.
And maybe look at some ass.
edit:
as if just to reassure me how crazy she is, the ex just called. she looked at the parking lot in front of my house (she was in the area anyway ) and sure enough she found a car with a license plate from the town the other girl comes from. "She"s with you, aimirite?" ...
Well, no. Nobody is here. There are like 20 cars parked outside on the weekends, what are the odds that one from the next district is there?
I invited her to come up and take a look if she wanted, but she declined.
The crazy in this one must be over nine thousand.