Girls who broke your heart thread

Ronaan

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Ravvenn said:
useful info and advice
Thanks a bunch

I was working at my 2nd job this afternoon. The ex texted me asking if it was ok if she showed up. I said "fine with me", she wanted to talk. We were doing some petty smalltalk and I was trying to make it sink into her that whatever happens, I don"t see us getting back together.
I must have been too subtle though.

Anyway, after a while the phone at work rings, it"s Jessie. Uh oh. So I take the call, she asks if we can talk for a bit, I say "it"s not good right now", she says she"ll call later and we hang up.

Of course the ex heard this, and went on and on about how things couldn"t work between us if I still talked to the other woman (well no shit sherlock), and demanded that I call her back and tell her to not call again.

I was pretty stubborn though and refused to do so. In the end I did call, but nobody answered the phone.

All the time I was still trying to convince her that it wouldn"t make sense to keep going, and she just wouldn"t have any of it. Like a stubborn donkey, she was 100% sure that if we gave it a try it could and would work.

When she left, she said "well it doesn"t make sense anymore anyway", which sounds pretty final. I"m sorry that I didn"t give her another chance, somehow. But I just didn"t feel ready for it at the moment.

Jessie didn"t call again.

I still don"t really know what to do. I"d like to be able to give her another chance, to not throw away 4.5 years, but I still fear that it just wouldn"t work in the end. Maybe it"sme, maybe I"ve got my mind set on attractive young sporty women (she doesn"t look bad for her age at all though).

So whatever I do, it will be wrong one way or the other. I was going to go out with her as "friends" to see if any feelings pop back up, but that"s not going to happen I guess, and maybe it"s better that way.

It comes down to throwing away 4.5 years, or 2 days. Looking at it like that, it"s pretty easy. On the other hand, everyone (including me) is asking her why she"s so totally focused on getting me back. She says she feels I"m the one and only guy to grow old with. And whenever she says that, I think that I must have a heart of stone. I wanted to hurt her as little as possible, and in the end hurt her more than I imagined.

This shit is really getting to me. The coworker whom I released from her shift noticed that I look like shit right now too. I"ve lost a bunch of weight as well (ok, won"t complain about that one, heh).

I hope my sinuses clear up until tuesday, so I can climb for a few hours and just shut off my brain to the rest of the fucking issues I have.

And maybe look at some ass.


edit:
as if just to reassure me how crazy she is, the ex just called. she looked at the parking lot in front of my house (she was in the area anyway ) and sure enough she found a car with a license plate from the town the other girl comes from. "She"s with you, aimirite?" ...

Well, no. Nobody is here. There are like 20 cars parked outside on the weekends, what are the odds that one from the next district is there?
I invited her to come up and take a look if she wanted, but she declined.

The crazy in this one must be over nine thousand.
 

ToeMissile

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You aren"t throwing anything away, it"s the psycho ex. You should have told her it wasn"t ok to come see you at work. You should also tell her not to contact you at all. Breaking off long term relationships suck ass but sometimes it just has to be done. Just take a look at how you feel after seeing either of them... that should decide for you pretty quick.
 

psu199_foh

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Yeah the whole logic of not wanting to throw away the 4.5 years seems reasonable on the outset, but you can"t look at it like that man. Those years are a sunk cost, the 4.5 years are behind you, either they were worth something or they weren"t.

Right now you need to focus on moving forward, and it sounds like the ex isn"t the one with whom you want to do so.
 

Carino_foh

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Yeah, put your foot down and eject your ex from your life. Don"t speak with her any more than you absolutely must, and when you do speak with her assume a businesslike posture and tone. It will be much better for her in the long term, and much better for you in both the short term and the long term.

The new girl seems very tolerant of your issues so far, but if you keep getting into situations like this with your ex don"t be surprised if she starts to get fed up with it. There is only one correct option here; it"s up to you to follow through with it.
 
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Ronaan, I understand where you"re coming from. But you gotta get over this ex, asap. Or they"ll be several "Jessie"s that come along and then leave because you"re just as psycho. Be a man and make a decision. And please make the right one.
 

brekk

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Ronaan said:
The ex texted me asking if it was ok if she showed up. I said "fine with me", she wanted to talk.
In the end I did call, but nobody answered the phone.
I invited her to come up and take a look if she wanted, but she declined.
NO! NO! NO!
Those actions are not showing her how "final" it is. They are giving her chances for more interaction with you. You are feeding her fantasies of having a chance and getting back together with you.

That car thing is especially scary. That required pulling all the license numbers off all the cars, searching them one at a time and knowing the county the new girl lives in. That"s not lulz crazy, that"s restraining order psychotic breakdown murder-suicide crazy.
 

Shabado_foh

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Christ Ronaan you are going to look back on this a few years from now and question how you could have ever been so fucking stupid. I don"t mean that as an insult, but you are handling this terribly.

Firstly, you cannot let someone down easily. You can"t be subtle. If you don"t want them, you have to tell them that. "Letting someone down easy" is basically trying to come out looking like a nice guy. You can"t. It"s impossible.
Worse still, if she does genuinely want you back, then you are fucking her around and you need to stop. You either end it, period, or you get back with your crazy ex and hate yourself for the rest of your life.

You can"t convince her that it wouldn"t make sense, because then she"ll think she can talk you around, that there is still hope. I"m asuming of course that under the crazy she does actually care for you.

If you don"t think it will work you have to say "It won"t work". There can be no conditions, you can"t talk her round so you can feel like it was a mutual desicion, you can"t make her think that it is for the best and you cannot come out of it feeling like a nice guy.

You will feel like an absolute prick. You will question how you have any right to make her feel like that. You"ll ask yourself what she did to deserve it and all the rest of that bollocks which doesn"t make much sense to feel, but we do if we are compansionate, "nice guys".

In summary, if you want to be nice you have to stop being a bitch and be an asshole.
 

Ronaan

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brekk said:
NO! NO! NO!
Those actions are not showing her how "final" it is. They are giving her chances for more interaction with you. You are feeding her fantasies of having a chance and getting back together with you.

That car thing is especially scary. That required pulling all the license numbers off all the cars, searching them one at a time and knowing the county the new girl lives in. That"s not lulz crazy, that"s restraining order psychotic breakdown murder-suicide crazy.
I told her numerous times that there is no chance, but I guess I didn"t make it clear enough to her - or she just doesn"t want to believe it.

Anyway, the car thing... it"s easier here in Germany. Basically every city or district has a letter code that starts the license plate, consisting of one to three letters. Every car that"s listed in Munich starts with "M" for example. Berlin has "B", and so on. So it"s quite easy to see where a car is from, roughly.

So it wasn"t as creepy as it may have sounded.
 

brekk

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Ronaan said:
I told her numerous times that there is no chance, but I guess I didn"t make it clear enough to her - or she just doesn"t want to believe it.
But you welcoming her to come talk to you in person is sending mixed signals. And calling the new girl like you were gonna tell her not to call anymore. You had just made up with this girl, what would you have done if she had picked up?

Anyway, the car thing... it"s easier here in Germany. Basically every city or district has a letter code that starts the license plate, consisting of one to three letters. Every car that"s listed in Munich starts with "M" for example. Berlin has "B", and so on. So it"s quite easy to see where a car is from, roughly.

So it wasn"t as creepy as it may have sounded.
Ahh ok, not quite so dangerous crazy then.
 

niteflyx_foh

shitlord
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Ronaan said:
I told her numerous times that there is no chance, but I guess I didn"t make it clear enough to her - or she just doesn"t want to believe it.
Wait, what?

Ronaan said:
Of course the ex heard this ... and demanded that I call her back and tell her to not call again.

I was pretty stubborn though and refused to do so. In the end I did call, but nobody answered the phone.
Yeah, I would say calling up your new chick and telling her to not call again isn"t making it clear at all to your ex that you"re done with her.
 

Ronaan

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I wasn"t going to tell her to not call again... if she picked up, I"d have asked her why she called and improvised from there.

Anyway, I hope I"ve been enough of an asshole towards the ex now to get it across. I don"t like acting like an asshole (who does), and want it to be done once and for all. We will have to see each other on rare occasions due to being coworkers, but that"s like 3 times a year. I think I can handle that, unless she starts throwing inanimate objects at me.

And that"s not completely out of the question. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
 

Ravvenn_sl

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You don"t need to be an asshole, you need to be a man and tell her it"s done. Stop buying into her guilt trip (and that"s all it is, to make you feel bad - and it"s working). Regardless of what you planned to tell Jessie, you still called her and justified the irrational behavior of your ex who clearly has NO intentions on changing. Right now, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, you"re her bitch.

Don"t take her calls, tell her not to visit, you cannot bejust friendswith her because she"s a goddamn nutjob.

What everyone is saying is right, you need to just cut it off once and for all with your ex. Jessie may have her own issues, but I really doubt she will put up with you being unreliable, even in a new dating relationship.

You learned a lesson in 4.5 years, too much tolerance can be a bad thing. So you don"t want to waste 4.5 years? Let time pass and then you"ll find you wasted 5, 6, 7 years instead. She"s had how many chances now? Why does she deserve another? Deep down you know she"s not going to change; especially after she bagged up your balls and dignity then convinced you to end a relationship with someone that hasn"t even started yet.
 

Alcestis_foh

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I definitely feel for you Ronaan. It"s sobering to realize you just "wasted" all that time on someone. You may want to walk away from it attempting to salvage what relationship there may be left. Platonic, romantic, whatever,something. This is why I don"t believe you when you say you are trying to be an asshole. Because you"re not and neither could your actions be classified as such, in any way. That"s definitely a good thing in some instances, but it"s repeatedly biting you in the ass here. When a bitch is insane, you have to step up to a brand new level of asshole to get through the crazy. Don"t pick up the phone anymore after making it super-assholishly clear where you two stand. Otherwise, she"s just going to feed off your uncertainty and fuck with your emotions more. I"d bet this is affecting you WAY more than it is her. Don"t give her that knowledge. Stay strong. <3
 

Draz_foh

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Ronaan said:
I wasn"t going to tell her to not call again... if she picked up, I"d have asked her why she called and improvised from there.

Anyway, I hope I"ve been enough of an asshole towards the ex now to get it across. I don"t like acting like an asshole (who does), and want it to be done once and for all. We will have to see each other on rare occasions due to being coworkers, but that"s like 3 times a year. I think I can handle that, unless she starts throwing inanimate objects at me.

And that"s not completely out of the question. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Raveen"s advice is it. Stop being a pussy, and be a man, and nut up, and tell the Ex its over. You dont have to be an ass about it, but dont pussy foot around with it anymore. Just suck it up, and say its over.
 

Rais

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Have one last night of rolling in the hay with her, get pictures, and post them here. Direct her to here, and show her said picures, and call her a slut for letting you do that. Clean break.

On a serious note. Your ex is crazy dude. Why would she come over to your place, look at the plates on the cars, then call you accusing you? This is not normal behavior. She is in fact stalking you.

You are leading her on for no reason. Tell her no, get away, you don"t want to keep letting this go on. Next thing you know, she will start to stalk the new girl. It goes really down hill fast from there.Ever read about people killing off love rivals? Your ex fits it.