Girls who broke your heart thread

Ronaan

Ronaan

Molten Core Raider
1,092
436
Oh you guys

If you are a "couple" (for lack of a better word), she"ll have you there anyway.
If you"re not, you might try talking to her. May backfire though, resulting in you not getting in her pants at all. Maybe something like "aren"t you afraid he"s going to try and talk you into another try or something?" ... definitely thin ice.

Better idea to just be a couple by then. Get going!
 
kegkilla

kegkilla

The Big Mod
<Banned>
11,320
14,738
Incognitogamer said:
Spoiler alert! Don"t read it if you don"t want to. My turn to contribute to the thread a bit.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:So this new chick got hired at my job. We immediately hit it off really, really well. I mean we have tons of similar interests. We make each other laugh. We enjoy each others" company. All that jazz.

A little back story about my problem: Her and her ex were together for 6 months and then he signs a contract to work on the production of a cross-country touring band (not any cool or famous bands) and he"s basically an audio jockey setting up the equipment for the band, etc. At first when he left they agreed to try the long distance thing because he had her convinced it wouldn"t be that bad even though she thought the best course of action would have been to break up when he left (he left right around Christmas). So anyway at first he"s the greatest long distance boyfriend ever, calls her everyday, they talk for hours, etc. But eventually they just run out of shit to talk about (ding ding ding, long distance never works) so he starts calling every other day, then every few, and so on. And his schedule is such that he starts working as soon as she gets off here, and he would call her at 3am every night when he got done... but that didn"t work for her because she had to be up for work at 6am so her sleep schedule was getting fucked up and it was affecting her job and school. So finally she just emails him a little over a month ago saying basically she wants it to end because she feels that he"s forcing her to be a bad girlfriend by making her feel bad for not answering his calls at 3am or for hanging out with guys (just friends) while he"s half way across the country and he gets jealous. So basically he"s allowed to tour with a band meeting probably bucket loads of chicks/groupies but she"s not allowed to hang out with a guy friend here without him getting jealous. Riiiiiiiiight.

So anyway, she got hired about a month ago (around the time she emailed the ex about breaking it off) and we meet each other, become fast friends, start hanging out outside of work and things are progressing nicely. I"m really into her, she"s really into me. Things are going great.

Here"s my problem: He has a bunch of his shit at her place and he"s coming back to town next month to pick it up and take it with him to MA (he"s gonna be in town for a week before he goes to MA for a new work contract for another 6 months) but I"m not sure how I should feel about this. I mean they have history, so should I be worried of what either of them might do or say to each other while he"s there picking up his shit? I don"t know if I will be able to be there while he"s there but I"ll try to be... I mean I don"t really plan on doing anything special currently, I"m just curious what you guys think about the situation. Should I be worried for any reason?
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theres like a 95% chance that shes gonna fuck him when he comes back. if not its more.
 
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Incognitogamer_foh

shitlord
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0
We"re not a couple. I just wasn"t sure what could happen over the next month and it was very possible we could have been a couple by the time he arrived. The flirting between us is getting pretty out of hand, I"m fairly sure that at this point everyone at work is expecting me to bend her over the nearest object at any given moment.

We talked about it tonight though and it was a brief conversation, about her and the ex and where they"re at and my concerns about him showing up in a month. She was really cool about it, said she knew where I was coming from and totally understood my concerns. She didn"t know really where they were at either, because apparently his response email was ambiguous as to his feelings. Since she"s a nice person (imo too nice) she wants to give him the chance to explain himself when he gets back. The entire conversation had her acting and responding in a way that made it seem like no matter what happened it was over with him once they talked though, but she didn"t actually say it so I"m not going to read into that as a sign I should be hopeful or anything. I am hoping it works out in my favor though, because if he smooth talks his way back in then basically he could have just spent the last 2 months getting the herp from all the groupies on a free pass from her because of her email.

So we agreed to just stay friends for now, but she said she really enjoys hanging out with me and that I"m a great guy. Basically I"m just gonna wait to see what happens after he rolls through town and decide what to do then.

edit: thank you guys for all the helpful comments, it allowed me to maintain an objective frame during the whole ordeal which I think helped with keeping the conversation light and friendly.
 
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Alcestis_foh

shitlord
0
0
Incognitogamer said:
She didn"t know really where they were at either, becauseapparently his response email was ambiguous as to his feelings. Since she"s a nice person (imo too nice) she wants to give him the chance to explain himself when he gets back.
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The entire conversation had her acting and responding in a way that made it seem like no matter what happened it was over with him once they talked though
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Bolded part - if it"s truly over between the two, why does it matter what this guy is or isn"t feeling? Why should she care? Why is she graciously giving someone she says she doesn"t want a relationship with anymore a chance to "explain himself" and thus keep you as a friend until she knows? Her actions, what"s she"s saying, and what she hasn"t said yet isn"t syncing up at all. When the dude comes back into town, well, you know what they say about absence and the heart.

Choosing not to be hopeful was/is areallywise choice.
 
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Dabamf_sl

shitlord
1,472
0
So we agreed to just stay friends for now, but she said she really enjoys hanging out with me and that I"m a great guy. Basically I"m just gonna wait to see what happens after he rolls through town and decide what to do then.
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I hate to break the news, but you just got friended. And to make matters worse, you volunteered for the position by volunteering to be at her side as plan b after he gives her the hiv and ditches her again.

I don"t think anyone said to bring up your concern if you aren"t yet dating. Have you even kissed? The only correct option was to be as awesome as you can be and when he comes hope that you were awesome enough to make her choose you. By bringing up your concern when not yet in a relationship it shows that you are worried about competition, which completely destroys your manly allure. If you ARE dating, the subtext of your concern conversation is that spending alone time with an ex is simply not appropriate behavior for your girlfriend. It should never be that you are worried that she might choose him (aka jealousy).

If the topic came up naturally the only good response is to act unconcerned. If she happens to volunteer info that she was gonna have a relationshippy talk with him when he came, you should respectfully and understandingly tell her that she needs to work out her business before you two get involved, and say bye.

By agreeing to wait and see what happens with plan a you crushed your value. If this is recoverable, I"ll never give my opinion again.
 
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psu199_foh

shitlord
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0
So we agreed to just stay friends for now, but she said she really enjoys hanging out with me and that I"m a great guy. Basically I"m just gonna wait to see what happens after he rolls through town and decide what to do then.
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Game over man game over!

(damnit dabamf beat me to it )
 
Eomer

Eomer

Trakanon Raider
5,472
272
If there"s one lesson I"ve learned over the past couple years, hell over my whole life, it"s that being the "nice guy" who only wants what is best for the girl is a sure fire way to get friended, and there"s seldom any recovering from that.
 
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Sharmai_foh

shitlord
0
0
Incognitogamer said:
So we agreed to just stay friends for now, but ...
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Your screwed. It"s over. Drop her and run. You"ll get attached hanging around her hoping for a shot and it will never happen. There might be a very small off chance you get a one time pitty bang in a year or so but its NOT WORTH IT.



Cut your losses and get out.
 
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Aztlan_sl

shitlord
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0
Personally, I"d just act like I"m not interested when she calls. I wouldn"t be calling her anymore either. You"d be surprised how the tables turn so quickly. I"d also start looking for other girls in the mean time.

Never put too much emotion into something that isn"t even established. Saving yourself for a maybe, is never a good idea.
 
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Tenks

Bronze Knight of the Realm
14,163
606
Aztlan said:
Personally, I"d just act like I"m not interested when she calls. I wouldn"t be calling her anymore either. You"d be surprised how the tables turn so quickly. I"d also start looking for other girls in the mean time.

Never put too much emotion into something that isn"t even established. Saving yourself for a maybe, is never a good idea.
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Thats good advice if he wasn"t already friend zoned. He has, however, been friended and that almost always spells doom for a relationship.

The whole "pull away" thing doesn"t work if you"ve already been put in the friends category because now she just thinks you"re a bad friend. Not to mention if a girl was totally hot & heavy for you she"d of never zoned you anyways nor would should insult you by seeing her ex boyfriend. Sorry bro but this isn"t going to work out for you.
 
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Incognitogamer_foh

shitlord
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0
I"m sorry let me rephrase, no one said anything about just being friends. She just said she didn"t want to lead me on or do anything with me while his visit is still coming. She wants to see where she"s at after his visit before doing anything with me was how she put it. Had she said lets just be friends, I would have cut my loses and got out.

I should have said "we"ve agreed to keep it friendly for now" I guess.
 
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niteflyx_foh

shitlord
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0
Incognitogamer said:
I"m sorry let me rephrase, no one said anything about just being friends. She just said she didn"t want to lead me on or do anything with me while his visit is still coming. She wants to see where she"s at after his visit before doing anything with me was how she put it. Had she said lets just be friends, I would have cut my loses and got out.

I should have said "we"ve agreed to keep it friendly for now" I guess.
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Okay, so maybe not friend-zone, but you"re Plan B.

Aztlan"s advice is sound, don"t be her backup, dude.
 
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Incognitogamer_foh

shitlord
0
0
niteflyx said:
Okay, so maybe not friend-zone, but you"re Plan B.

Aztlan"s advice is sound, don"t be her backup, dude.
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The way she made it sound seemed more like she wants to see him in person for closure more than she wants to try to start it back up with him again. I suppose we shall see though.
 
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Alcestis_foh

shitlord
0
0
Closure is only important if she still has feelings for the guy. It"s usually a nice synonym for "absolute last chance". It"s odd that she wants "closure" from a guy she said, ad-nauseum, that she"s done with. Sounds like all those times are a feeble attempt at self-convincing.

As for the whole bullshit "let"s see where I am after I meet my ex", that"s even worse. In romantic relationships being friend-zoned is better than being strung along as a "maybe". At least that way the chick is decisive and isn"t just using you at her convenience. Because that"s what she"s doing. And you"re licking it up.
 
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Stoerm_foh

shitlord
0
0
Incognitogamer said:
I"m sorry let me rephrase, no one said anything about just being friends. She just said she didn"t want to lead me on or do anything with me while his visit is still coming. She wants to see where she"s at after his visit before doing anything with me was how she put it. Had she said lets just be friends, I would have cut my loses and got out.

I should have said "we"ve agreed to keep it friendly for now" I guess.
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Great.

Problem is, you don"t want to be just friends, and she knows it. According to you, everyone else in your office knows it. You"re falling into the trap of retarded justification. Those in the friend zone don"t clearly see it happening, everyone else does.

If she was your "friend", you wouldn"t worry about returning her calls, or her female feelings/wants/needs. You"d just call her up when your mutual interests happen to coincide. Treat her that way, and you could possibly turn things around.

Otherwise, nope.

And you can"t treat her "as a friend", because no matter what you say, your main interest is sticking your cock in her vagoo. You"re not sitting around fantasizing about playing XBox with her, and she knows it. Your time spent thinking about all of your "friends": 99% her, 1% everyone else. 1% is being generous. Dudes don"t think about their friends with anything more than a passing thought on a daily basis.

Final Clue: "She just said she didn"t want to lead me on... ". This is your death sentence, period. You are a plan B that will never be enacted. You are a flirty security blanket that makes her feel good about herself since her boyfriend won"t. She won"t turn to you after his visit, other than to continue the fun flirting which makes her feel good. She"ll fuck some other dude that doesn"t provide that for her.

I check into this thread once a month, and while it"s mostly gay -- it"s nice to some real-world useful advice being thrown around. I know it will 99% go unheeded, since living is learning -- people always want to think their situation is different than the billions of others who have been in the same situation.

It"s pretty fucking funny that much of the advice here seems so shallow -- but it"s accurate, and it doesn"t make young daters bad people to know the faults in male psychology and the advantages in female psychology when it comes to dating. If that description fits your situation, this thread could become a must-read book. Not the "gaming" parts, but the "understanding female psychology and getting over/past it" parts.
 
Azrayne

Azrayne

Irenicus did nothing wrong
2,161
786
Sent my crazy ex (the one who put her brother in the phone and wanted to tattoo my name) a "We need to stop talking" message. I think it"s probably best for both of us, realistically, her craziness aside, with her living on the other side of the country this isn"t going anywhere and I think just a clean end to it is better than not knowing where we stand. She"s been acting weird as fuck lately, ignoring me a few days then going all clingy, whining non stop about her problems then getting all bitchy, so fuck it, I don"t see any reason to keep this going when she"s basically leeching off me emotionally.

Going to delete her number now and leave my phone off for a couple hours, have a few drinks or a few whatever to celebrate getting the weight off my mind.
 
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