Girls who broke your heart thread

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Alcestis_foh

shitlord
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Ronaan said:
I know it"s possibly my biggest fault that when I"m into someone, I show them. But shouldn"t that be normal?Waking up and watching her sleep next to me was the best thing...
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I must say, when I first started dating my beau, he said this once early in the relationship and I woke up to himwatchingme while I slept. My knee-jerk reaction was "...", even though I thought much later that it was endearing. Tough to say, but you probably came on too strong.

Too late for regrets though. I"m sorry, Ronaan. =(
 
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Aulirophile_foh

shitlord
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Ronaan said:
Ah well whatever. She said I didn"t encumber her, so it can"t have been that bad. She"s putting all the blame on herself, but that might just be to make it easier on me. Who knows.
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In my experience, personal and anecdotal, if a girl thinks a guy is nice she"ll always blame herself when she breaks up with him... and yet they keep breaking up with the same type of guys. The key to successful flirting > relationship > marriage is to always give the appearance of being one step behind the other person"s affection level. You know where I got that advice? Miss Manners. She applied it to polite flirting only, but I find it works all the way up the line.

It was obvious to at least 5-6 people I can remember who posted saying to tone it down. I"m not sure I can articulate what is "wrong" with showing you like someone, but empirical evidence suggests it isn"t the best idea.
 
Ronaan

Ronaan

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Aulirophile said:
It was obvious to at least 5-6 people I can remember who posted saying to tone it down. I"m not sure I can articulate what is "wrong" with showing you like someone, but empirical evidence suggests it isn"t the best idea.
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Yeah, I took that advice (or at least, tried to).
It"s not like I bounced around her drooling all over myself all the time.

On the other hand, she told me I"m "too much of a nice guy" and that makes it "even harder for her". Well if it"s so fucking hard to break up with me, don"t do it
 
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Evelys_foh

shitlord
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Ronaan said:
Yeah, I took that advice (or at least, tried to).
It"s not like I bounced around her drooling all over myself all the time.

On the other hand, she told me I"m "too much of a nice guy" and that makes it "even harder for her". Well if it"s so fucking hard to break up with me, don"t do it
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Yup, you came on too strong.

ProTip: "Too much of a nice guy" = "Get me off this fucking pedestal".
 
Ronaan

Ronaan

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pedestal... uh I don"t really think so. Or I might be so full of fail that I didn"t notice, but I like to think I"m not.

What I"m guilty of is complimenting on her beauty, but not more than anyone would. You know, the "you"re looking good today" when I picked her up thing. (no, not every single time... that would sound stupid really fast).

Anyway, forget the past. On to the future.

Question to the experts: do you think there"s any way to turn this around?

I jokingly said on the phone that I could start treating her like trash if that was better than the nice guy thing, but I don"t think she took me serious.
 
Ronaan

Ronaan

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Brad2770 said:
She liked that you were into her and that wasnt enough.
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Maybe.

She said she felt like she didn"t give back enough, or wasn"t able to give back enough.
Fuck that, I was happy with what I got back.

I really fail at handling the situation right now. Had about 5 hours of sleep, and slowly it"s starting to sink in. One would think that at age 35 I"ve had enough disappointments to learn to deal with it; obviously not. I wouldn"t want anyone to see me right now. I look and feel like shit.

The five cups of coffee I"ve had in the last 2 hours since getting up don"t make it better either.
 
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Evelys_foh

shitlord
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Ronaan said:
She said she felt like she didn"t give back enough, or wasn"t able to give back enough.
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Pedestal.

Listen, I promise I"m not trying to bust your balls or anything. But she"s using the exact same language I"d use if some guy, no matter how wonderful he was, was jumping feet first into the relationship when I was still getting my toes wet.

Going forward, I think you blew your shot. Keep in mind that what you think is not being overbearing just might be, and try to balance your reactions.
 
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Ortega_foh

shitlord
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Sorry dude! I suffer from being overbearing/clingy too so don"t feel like you"re the only one... I guess we all love in different ways : / Do me a favor though and don"t beg her or play that bullshit friends game, not saying you"re going to, but ya never know!
 
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niteflyx_foh

shitlord
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Ronaan said:
Well I did hold back. We both had our free time after the initial week, she said that was ok. She also said that the behaviour I showed should be normal in a relationship,it"s just that she seems unable to give anything back. Her words.

I know it"s possibly my biggest fault that when I"m into someone, I show them. But shouldn"t that be normal?Waking up and watching her sleep next to me was the best thing...
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She is trying to make her self seem like the bad guy to make it easier. But yeah, the behaviour you described after your first weekend together was a bit much. You were dropping the L-bomb after your first date. Need to slow it down and baby-step the affection, or else she will feel "unable to give anything back", because how can you compete with OMG LOVE.
 
Ronaan

Ronaan

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Evelys said:
Pedestal.

Listen, I promise I"m not trying to bust your balls or anything. But she"s using the exact same language I"d use if some guy, no matter how wonderful he was, was jumping feet first into the relationship when I was still getting my toes wet.

Going forward, I think you blew your shot. Keep in mind that what you think is not being overbearing just might be, and try to balance your reactions.
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Well it"s not like nobody told me to keep it cool. I watched my actions around her, to not freak her out... I tried to be really careful. Never clingy, or anything. Always giving her room for other people and hobbies.

We were also both trying to "take it slow", and see where things go.

I still don"t get the "pedestal" thing. If complimenting someone on their looks every now and then is akin to putting them on a pedestal, I"m guilty.
 
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Ortega_foh

shitlord
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I don"t think the pedestal thing is so much one thing such as compliments. It"s more a overall feeling from everything combined. When you just meet someone and act like they are a god send it either A) makes them feel like you"re just looking to be in love with anyone and would"ve taken anybody, or B) They believe you truly see them as perfect and since nobody thinks they are perfect they feel they will inevitably let you down so their defenses come up. That"s my take on it though from my very limited experience.
 
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Snugglebear_foh

shitlord
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Ronaan said:
Well it"s not like nobody told me to keep it cool. I watched my actions around her, to not freak her out... I tried to be really careful. Never clingy, or anything. Always giving her room for other people and hobbies.

We were also both trying to "take it slow", and see where things go.

I still don"t get the "pedestal" thing. If complimenting someone on their looks every now and then is akin to putting them on a pedestal, I"m guilty.
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See, you"re putting the pussy on a pedestal.
 
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