Girls who broke your heart thread
- Thread starter Aychamo BanBan
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bofa- Go for the kiss. Dunno, I agree with Fulorian about the age thing. Think it would start things off on a strange foot, if you were interested in being serious with them. For pure surface-deep relationships that aren"t going anywhere, I can maybe understand that. Guess it depends on the person (and how one feels about them) whether the fib comes off as endearing or just plain creepy. 23 to 25 though? Eh, that"s doable at 23-27. Not sure why you felt the need to lie in the first place. *shrug*
Eomer: Your last paragraph is painful. Ancalagon summed it up nicely. I don"t have anything else to add except, "That really sucks. I hope she proves my pervasive cynicism wrong and comes around. "
A 21-year-old saying a 23-year-old is old? What a silly cunt; that"s rich. xD
Eomer: Your last paragraph is painful. Ancalagon summed it up nicely. I don"t have anything else to add except, "That really sucks. I hope she proves my pervasive cynicism wrong and comes around. "
A 21-year-old saying a 23-year-old is old? What a silly cunt; that"s rich. xD
To be fair she was pretty drunk and may have just been trying to be funny. She also had a princess complex since she was pretty cute and since it was her 21st she was getting alot of attention.
I ended up making out with a girl who had a sizeable gap in her teeth that my friends do not let me live down. In my defense I was also pretty drunk.
I ended up making out with a girl who had a sizeable gap in her teeth that my friends do not let me live down. In my defense I was also pretty drunk.
haha it wasn"t that bad but you could probably fit a dime thru it. My friends give me shit for every random girl I make out with at the bar though.
Always kiss on the first date, but make it a quick, casual one... on the lips, no more than a second or two. You"ll come across as confident at a moment when a lot of guys are wishy-washy. It expresses your interest in her.bofa said:
The only worse thing you can do on a date besides NOT kissing her goodnight is to go in for a big sloppy prolonged make-out style kiss. It"s a first date, the last thing you want to do is make her think you"re desperate or that you"re looking for nothing more than a quick payoff.
As for the movie... skip it. IMO movies are just about the worst thing you can do on a first date. She wants to spend the date getting to know you, not sitting in silence beside you for two hours.
Last thing, if you do go to a movie sometime in the first few dates, make sure she likes the type of movie you"re going to. Not all women find movies like The Hangover funny. Hard to believe as a guy, I know, but it"s true.
Seriously, his posts have truly shone a light on how the Dark Side works.Eomer said:
Eomer, my little studmuffin, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but this sounds to me like she is running scared. She fell too hard, too fast and now she doesn"t know what to do.
A little room is fine but please, please mate ... remember you are in this as well ! Look after your own ass. If you turn into a little bitch I am on the next flight to Edmonton to slap you .. and I will invoice you for the service and the flight
bofa, only kiss on the first date if the interaction warrants it. If she and you are both having a good time, do it in the middle of the date. The last-minute kiss is cowardly and cheesy. Hey, I"m gonna kiss you, but if it doesn"t work out I can escape because the night is over. The first date might not warrant it, maybe it starts off slow. In that case you can wait for the 2nd date, just arrange a place where you have a little privacy, go for a walk or something. 2nd date, imo, is do or die time for the kiss. After that you severely risk getting friended. Do it when she says something you really like and you meet eyes, just for a second or two, and cut it off. No makeouts on the first date unless you are gonna fuck. You want to estimate what she would like, and give her a little less.
Don"t go to a goddamned movie, that shit is for relationships and relationships only. Worse first date idea than punting babies.
Eomer, you sounded like you handled everything great and it"s all her, and then you started apologizing for the past week. WHAT THE FUCK AREYOUAPOLOGIZING FOR?!?! She"s the fuckin person who backed out out of no where and sabotaged a great relationship over thoughts of some douchebag who snubbed her. God damn, I thought this was a dead horse. She is the only one who should utter a single apology in the next few weeks. Let me say that again,you should not utter a single apology in the next few weeks for anything.
You may think that if you call yourself a whiney bitch you look like you aren"t really that type of person and it makes up for any times you have maybe been whiney instead of manly, but it hurts you. You bring attention to the whiney behavior, show that you are worried what she will think of it (thereby showing more insecurity), AND by apologizing she takes the attention off her own shitty behavior.
Sometimes girls are insane and pull away because they are insane. Sounds to me like you could have handled things a *little* bit differently, but not really enough to be able to say "you shoulda done x,y,z differently." Sounds like her problem. But for fucks sakeplease stop apologizing, and especially when you are in the right.And my uneducated ms cleo insights tell me the relationship is over. My best friend had a girl freak out, break up, date another guy, then come back to him 2 months later and now they live together. But she"s a crazy bitch and he"s a pussy for sitting around 2 months, and their relationship is something I wouldn"t wish on my worst enemy. She will likely pull away, then in multiple weeks or a month+ she will try to come back. Lose/lose I think because unless she had some revelation in that time where she"s no longer crazy, she"s not worth taking back.
Don"t go to a goddamned movie, that shit is for relationships and relationships only. Worse first date idea than punting babies.
Eomer, you sounded like you handled everything great and it"s all her, and then you started apologizing for the past week. WHAT THE FUCK AREYOUAPOLOGIZING FOR?!?! She"s the fuckin person who backed out out of no where and sabotaged a great relationship over thoughts of some douchebag who snubbed her. God damn, I thought this was a dead horse. She is the only one who should utter a single apology in the next few weeks. Let me say that again,you should not utter a single apology in the next few weeks for anything.
You may think that if you call yourself a whiney bitch you look like you aren"t really that type of person and it makes up for any times you have maybe been whiney instead of manly, but it hurts you. You bring attention to the whiney behavior, show that you are worried what she will think of it (thereby showing more insecurity), AND by apologizing she takes the attention off her own shitty behavior.
Sometimes girls are insane and pull away because they are insane. Sounds to me like you could have handled things a *little* bit differently, but not really enough to be able to say "you shoulda done x,y,z differently." Sounds like her problem. But for fucks sakeplease stop apologizing, and especially when you are in the right.And my uneducated ms cleo insights tell me the relationship is over. My best friend had a girl freak out, break up, date another guy, then come back to him 2 months later and now they live together. But she"s a crazy bitch and he"s a pussy for sitting around 2 months, and their relationship is something I wouldn"t wish on my worst enemy. She will likely pull away, then in multiple weeks or a month+ she will try to come back. Lose/lose I think because unless she had some revelation in that time where she"s no longer crazy, she"s not worth taking back.
Eomer
Trakanon Raider
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Again though, I made it clear that I wasn"t apologizing for it, but rather I was explaining why I had behaved the way I did and that I recognized there was an issue with how I had acted. Obviously I didn"t post every email or communication that transpired over the past week here, so just reading this thread wouldn"t give a full accounting of what went on of course, but long story short, up until we met up on Sunday I repeated many of the mistakes I had swore to learn from with Chuck. Go figure right?
What was I supposed to do, just not acknowledge it? When it quite clearly was something that needed to be discussed, alongside her behaviour?
What was I supposed to do, just not acknowledge it? When it quite clearly was something that needed to be discussed, alongside her behaviour?
Oh don"t you worry about me. I might be a little choked up for awhile if things don"t work out, but even prior to talking with her on Sunday me and a few mates went on a nice little drunk Saturday night, and that helped things immensely. And naturally I ran in to 3 different girls from past ski trips along the way that night, two of which had looked me up on Facebook, so it"s not like it will take me long to get back on that horse should the need arise.Lusiphur said:
You guys saying movies are a bad date idea are just jaded. I"ve been dating the same girl for a few months shy of 4 years and our first two "dates" (at least, I can"t remember the following) were movies. First was March of the Penguins on a Tuesday, and then 40 Year Old Virgin on a Friday, and that one was preceded by an awful dinner at a Pho noodle house.
Saying "she wants to get to know you not sit by you in silence for 2 hours" is just silly. Spending time together is spending time together. You"ll be having a good time and making memories if you two are compatible, regardless of the event you"re partaking in. My GF and I still argue over when our anniversary actually is; she says that MotP was our first date since I bought the tickets, when in fact I was simply being gentlemanly; I say 40 Year Old Virgin was because it was a full-on dinner-and-a-movie date date. This has the added benefit of giving me a 3 day buffer window that I can use if I forget our anniversary. Our birthdays are also on the same day so I really have no way to fail.
tl;dr movies be fine.
Saying "she wants to get to know you not sit by you in silence for 2 hours" is just silly. Spending time together is spending time together. You"ll be having a good time and making memories if you two are compatible, regardless of the event you"re partaking in. My GF and I still argue over when our anniversary actually is; she says that MotP was our first date since I bought the tickets, when in fact I was simply being gentlemanly; I say 40 Year Old Virgin was because it was a full-on dinner-and-a-movie date date. This has the added benefit of giving me a 3 day buffer window that I can use if I forget our anniversary. Our birthdays are also on the same day so I really have no way to fail.
tl;dr movies be fine.
How will you know if you"re compatible if you"re sitting in relative silence for two hours?Jabberwhacky said:
No, but that means the two "big deals" (anniversary of relationship and her birthday) are easy to remember.
And because you do stuff.......before and after the movie. Before? Maybe some food. After? Maybe hit up Starbucks and chit chat, with the movie being a nice conversation filler for any lulls that may arise. Crazy notion, I know.
And because you do stuff.......before and after the movie. Before? Maybe some food. After? Maybe hit up Starbucks and chit chat, with the movie being a nice conversation filler for any lulls that may arise. Crazy notion, I know.
Maybe they"re both introverts and like it better that way. All kinds of people in this world, not all of them are the social animals you all pretend to be here.Luthair said:
Ronaan
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Movie was alright for my first "date", though we watched it at my place and we had been hanging out in the climbing gym and so on beforehand.Dabamf said:
Ah well I don"t know. Making out and fondling breasts worked fine on our first date. But on the other hand, look where I am now...
(though the physical stuff sure wasn"t an issue at all...)
Tonight I"ll meet her again (climbing gym, like every tuesday basically).
My plan is to confront her about the whole "you"re too nice" thing, and basically calling her a coward because she took the easy way out. Just because she was afraid she couldn"t "give back enough", she pulled the plug.
That will a) show her that I"m in fact not "too nice", and b) provoke a reaction, or at least make her think about it again.
Or she might kick me in the nuts.
Either way I"ll know 100% what"s up. At the moment I"m still thinking she might change her mind.
Another option would be to ignore her more or less, except for saying "hi". That might work too...
Anyone want to point out major flaws in my plan? Or call me a pussy? (I"m used to that already so... don"t bother, really).
Honestly, I think the best thing you could do is to show up with a big smile and just act like you"re totally fine and happy. And ignore her for the most part. I would stray from being over emotional or sensitive about anything, as that"s what seemed to drive her away in the first place. If it were me, in your situation, I"d basically treat it like it"s her loss, and if she wants me back, she has to be the one to work for it. If she puts in the effort, then I might let her, and if not, I don"t feel like a chump for chasing after her after she broke it off. I don"t think you can argue/discuss her into getting back with you, you have to show that she was wrong about her assessment of you.
Drawing on personal experience here.
You remind me of a guy I broke up with for nearly the same suspected reasons, Ronaan. Afterwards, he acted like everything was gumdrops and rainbows. It"s pretty obvious when that"s bullshit (especially when the guy cries on my shoulder while I told him >.<), so I"d advise against doing that. The fake smiles just reaffirmed my belief that I definitely did the right thing: he was so nice he was not only sparing my feelings, but his own. Now, if he had called me a coward in dead-pan later, with no emotion behind it, I might"ve been thrown. Because I"d never expect something like that coming out of the mouth of a guy I thought was too "nice". The key is not to show you"re hurt (or alternatively, that youwerehurt, but you"ve gotten over her stupid excuses and won"t dignify it any longer with emotion).
You may decide that you don"t really want to force your mutual climbing friends to take sides, because whatever you do/saywillget around to them. It"s also hard to do the above without looking like a whiny little bitch, but I"ve seen it done, so I mention it. Therefore, choose the "cold confrontation" route after careful thought. If you think you still have a chance though, my vote is on not blowing it by acting the same way that caused her to break up with you in the first place.
You remind me of a guy I broke up with for nearly the same suspected reasons, Ronaan. Afterwards, he acted like everything was gumdrops and rainbows. It"s pretty obvious when that"s bullshit (especially when the guy cries on my shoulder while I told him >.<), so I"d advise against doing that. The fake smiles just reaffirmed my belief that I definitely did the right thing: he was so nice he was not only sparing my feelings, but his own. Now, if he had called me a coward in dead-pan later, with no emotion behind it, I might"ve been thrown. Because I"d never expect something like that coming out of the mouth of a guy I thought was too "nice". The key is not to show you"re hurt (or alternatively, that youwerehurt, but you"ve gotten over her stupid excuses and won"t dignify it any longer with emotion).
You may decide that you don"t really want to force your mutual climbing friends to take sides, because whatever you do/saywillget around to them. It"s also hard to do the above without looking like a whiny little bitch, but I"ve seen it done, so I mention it. Therefore, choose the "cold confrontation" route after careful thought. If you think you still have a chance though, my vote is on not blowing it by acting the same way that caused her to break up with you in the first place.