Girls who broke your heart thread

Dandain

Dandain

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People can exercise a hell of a lot easier than they can change their personality. Eomer is welcome to do whatever he wants obviously but you have to be ready to get what you look for.

Eomer wants a physical 10 before he decides if their personality fits. I think this method is much harder to find someone to spend your life if that"s the goal. If Eomer is truly trying to find someone to settle down with then he needs to measure people by the things that determine if that will work. You need to find your best friend.

Really nice girl, seemed intelligent and was easy to talk to for the 4 hours.

vs 30 pounds?

If Eomer wants a trophy that"s most likely what he will get when all is said and done.
 
Eomer

Eomer

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She"s a nice girl. I"m not interested, but neither am I a sociopathic asshole unable to conceptualize other people"s feelings. Telling her I don"t find her attractive benefits no one, and would make me a complete and utter asshole.

If my posts annoy you so much, put me on ignore.

Dandain said:
If Eomer wants a trophy that"s most likely what he will get when all is said and done.
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I"m aware I"ve got fairly high standards, and acknowledged as much in a previous post and that I"m trying to get away from it, but unfortunately that"s the way it is. I"m not looking for a trophy, my standards are not impossibly high, and I won"t put up with an attractive girl that I can"t stand on a personal level (see Xerxes posts, circa February).

Chu tried to make a comment about why I was single at 30 or whatever, and this is the biggest reason why in my opinion. I have very high standards both in terms of physical looks AND personality. I"d rather keep on trucking along single or dating new girls, than "settling" for one that"s "good enough." That wouldn"t be fair to either party.
 
Dandain

Dandain

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Eomer said:
She"s a nice girl. I"m not interested, but neither am I a sociopathic asshole unable to conceptualize other people"s feelings. Telling her I don"t find her attractive benefits no one, and would make me a complete and utter asshole.

If my posts annoy you so much, put me on ignore.
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If you aren"t interested then you aren"t interested. But you need to recognize your checklist of traits is possibly not the most ideal checklist to find someone to settle down with. Don"t dismiss what LeGrassi says in as much as just tell her you"re not interested. If she asks you should be honest.

Maybe you just don"t want to own the fact that you would pass on a 7 that was your perfect match except for weight? As active as you say you are then there is no way any girl that would be your match wouldn"t lose weight.

Edit: As you age you"re going to get baggage. If you find a an emotional match she probably won"t be a 10. If you find a physical match and she"s still single she"s probably got some emotional issues. You can make excuses for yourself for ever about how its just your incredibly high standards or you could maybe take inventory of those standards and make some genuine introspective analysis about it. Your behavior doesn"t lead me to believe that you honestly care to settle. The exercise thread on this forum should be a pretty big example of how easily physical appearance is ultimately improved.

Edit: If you want to truck on single, that implies that you"re open to settling but really could care less if it happens as long as you"re still able to bag a 10 at your pad every so often. Which is fine but you must recognize the trade you"re making.
 
Cutlery

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[LVC]DeGrassi said:
Well if a girl I dont find attractive wants to go on a second date, I let her know .. hey I am not interested in you cause ect... I dont play like a bitch, especially after all his macho ... I drive a BMW man .... I go skiing every weekend MAN ... this is how you date MAN ... my fucking house is the shit man ... no girl can say no to my fucking PAD man .. attitude.
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Well, not only that, but if you think women stay the same shape after 10/20/30 years, you"re disappointing yourself. If she"s not a hog, and you can talk to her without feeling like stabbing yourself in the face, and if she takes it in the ass, call it good, keep it rolling. Good chance the relationship will end on it"s own eventually, no point in quitting it over superficial shit.
 
Arkk

Arkk

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Eomer said:
Chu tried to make a comment about why I was single at 30 or whatever, and this is the biggest reason why in my opinion. I have very high standards both in terms of physical looks AND personality. I"d rather keep on trucking along single or dating new girls, than "settling" for one that"s "good enough." That wouldn"t be fair to either party.
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chu is smart.

the catch here is that you are probably a troll, because it is never that simple. i dont know any single dude who is that old and single because they have "high standards" who is a catch for a girl.

ie: jack black in shallow hal.
 
tyen

tyen

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Eomer said:
wasn"t any physical attraction on my end of things.
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Eomer said:
I gave her a hug and said "talk to you soon" and left it there.
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Eomer said:
I certainly won"t call or message here again
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Eomer said:
But what"s the nicest way to let her down
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You already completed your mission. You don"t talk to her and she will get the hint. If she doesn"t get the hint it"s because she is crazy.

You did fine, leave it at that and go for the next lady that comes around.
 
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Aulirophile_foh

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Eomer said:
She"s a nice girl. I"m not interested, but neither am I a sociopathic asshole unable to conceptualize other people"s feelings. Telling her I don"t find her attractive benefits no one, and would make me a complete and utter asshole.

If my posts annoy you so much, put me on ignore.



I"m aware I"ve got fairly high standards, and acknowledged as much in a previous post and that I"m trying to get away from it, but unfortunately that"s the way it is. I"m not looking for a trophy, my standards are not impossibly high, and I won"t put up with an attractive girl that I can"t stand on a personal level (see Xerxes posts, circa February).

Chu tried to make a comment about why I was single at 30 or whatever, and this is the biggest reason why in my opinion. I have very high standards both in terms of physical looks AND personality. I"d rather keep on trucking along single or dating new girls, than "settling" for one that"s "good enough." That wouldn"t be fair to either party.
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I have the same issue Eomer. I really wanted a 10, good looking girls are everywhere in California so growing up it was just the standard I came to expect. But someone I can"t hold a conversation with, or is disrespectful, crazy, etc., fuck having to live in the same house as that for the rest my life. I got lucky and found what I think is the perfect girl at 19. She"s easily a 10 imo, and we"ve proven (somewhat involuntarily!) that we can spend 24/7 together for a year and come out loving each other more.

Here"s the thing, we met online and she was 2,000 miles away. It took a long time for things to work out where we could be together. Sure, I got lucky as shit meeting her in the first place (though at the time I spent a shitload of time online), but hanging in there till we could be together sucked. The thing is, at the time I met her, I was talking to 2 other girls on a regular basis and had short conversations with maybe a dozen a day. I went through a lot of boring conversations to find a smart girl. When I found one, I just worked around to getting a pic... ugly pic, no more interest.

The point is, if you think that is what you need to be happy, stick with it. But you might want to think about filtering girls faster. If you absolutely must have a 10, no reason to ask anyone out on a date whose pictures don"t show them being a 10. You"re already filtering for boring by talking to them online first. If you have certain minimum, arbitrary, standards figure out how to check those fast, and keep expanding your search.

Again, I got lucky, I was planning on looking till I was 30. I met her like a decade to soon!
TheCutlery said:
Well, not only that, but if you think women stay the same shape after 10/20/30 years, you"re disappointing yourself.
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Asian and Phillipine women. "Nuff said. Mine is 1/2 Filipina so I guess we"ll see how it works out, but her Mom is over 40 and looks 18 after 5 kids.
 
Eomer

Eomer

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TheCutlery said:
Well, not only that, but if you think women stay the same shape after 10/20/30 years, you"re disappointing yourself.
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See, I somewhat disagree with you there. Sure if you marry a chick at 21 you"re going to most likely be in for a surprise. However once people get in to their mid to late 20"s, there IS a very good chance they"ll stay the same past that. If they haven"t established an exercise or eating regimen to maintain a healthy body weight by then, they probably never will. And if they have, then they"ll probably maintain it or stay close enough to it.

Ark said:
the catch here is that you are probably a troll, because it is never that simple. i dont know any single dude who is that old and single because they have "high standards" who is a catch for a girl.
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Not trolling, but you"re absolutely right that I could potentially not be honest with myself about my faults or whatever else. However I pride myself on honesty both with myself and others, so I don"t believe that to be the case. I"ve dated plenty of girls in the past that have fallen for me where I haven"t fallen for them, and vice versa.

It might also be the group I run with. The group of guys I hang out have all been friends since we were 13, and in some cases much longer. Out of the 10-20 guys in the group, depending on what the "group" is considered to be, not a single one is married (one was and got divorced), although about half have serious girlfriends while the other half are between girls or just casually dating.

And don"t get me wrong, I"m not sitting around lamenting the fact I"m single or dating. I"m quite content with my life to say the least. It would however be nice to have someone to share it with from time to time. Basically the ideal relationship for me would be one in which the girl would be as much of an activity/travel partner as girlfriend, but unfortunately such girls are somewhat hard to come by.

But getting back to the standards or pickiness, I don"t think you understand how anal I can be about shit, not even specifically about girls or their appearance. It"s kind of a running joke amongst my group of friends, unfortunately it"s a trait I picked up from my dad. In terms of relationships, it manifests itself both in my high standards of attractiveness AND in my inability to put up with a girl whose personality doesn"t suit my own. Hence my lack of relationships that go much past a few months in duration. Chuck and Anne are really the only two girls in my dating history that have broken things off with me, otherwise it"s been the other way around.
 
C

Crap_foh

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Dandain said:
Maybe you just don"t want to own the fact that you would pass on a 7 that was your perfect match except for weight? As active as you say you are then there is no way any girl that would be your match wouldn"t lose weight.
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Women are far more likely to bitch about their weight and do NOTHING then to actually make any effort to fix the situation. You take a woman at the weight shes at, not as a fix up. It never happens.
 
Arkk

Arkk

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Eomer said:
See, I somewhat disagree with you there. Sure if you marry a chick at 21 you"re going to most likely be in for a surprise. However once people get in to their mid to late 20"s, there IS a very good chance they"ll stay the same past that. If they haven"t established an exercise or eating regimen to maintain a healthy body weight by then, they probably never will. And if they have, then they"ll probably maintain it or stay close enough to it.



Not trolling, but you"re absolutely right that I could potentially not be honest with myself about my faults or whatever else. However I pride myself on honesty both with myself and others, so I don"t believe that to be the case. I"ve dated plenty of girls in the past that have fallen for me where I haven"t fallen for them, and vice versa.

It might also be the group I run with. The group of guys I hang out have all been friends since we were 13, and in some cases much longer. Out of the 10-20 guys in the group, depending on what the "group" is considered to be, not a single one is married (one was and got divorced), although about half have serious girlfriends while the other half are between girls or just casually dating.

And don"t get me wrong, I"m not sitting around lamenting the fact I"m single or dating. I"m quite content with my life to say the least. It would however be nice to have someone to share it with from time to time. Basically the ideal relationship for me would be one in which the girl would be as much of an activity/travel partner as girlfriend, but unfortunately such girls are somewhat hard to come by.

But getting back to the standards or pickiness, I don"t think you understand how anal I can be about shit, not even specifically about girls or their appearance. It"s kind of a running joke amongst my group of friends, unfortunately it"s a trait I picked up from my dad. In terms of relationships, it manifests itself both in my high standards of attractiveness AND in my inability to put up with a girl whose personality doesn"t suit my own. Hence my lack of relationships that go much past a few months in duration. Chuck and Anne are really the only two girls in my dating history that have broken things off with me, otherwise it"s been the other way around.
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im not implying you should date fat ugly chicks, but people who pull ass that is true 10 quality dont actively seek those people. it just happens, they arent anal, they take the good with the bad. man or woman, people who set ridiculously high standards for the opposite sex are usually single and/or go months without getting laid.

i used the shallow hal comment because i have plenty of friends who only want to fuck really hot girls. the problem is, they don"t ever get laid because they just aren"t realistic.

its so cliche but making that big of a deal out of looks is dumb as shit because looks dont stay around forever, especially since you are 30 years old as it is. sorry, but you sound like the guy who only wants 10s, but never gets them. there has to be a reason for it. otherwise, you wouldn"t be posting in this thread. extremely good looking people are normally in relationships with extremely good looking people, they don"t have these issues.
 
C

chu_foh

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Eomer said:
She"s a nice girl. I"m not interested, but neither am I a sociopathic asshole unable to conceptualize other people"s feelings. Telling her I don"t find her attractive benefits no one, and would make me a complete and utter asshole.

If my posts annoy you so much, put me on ignore.



I"m aware I"ve got fairly high standards, and acknowledged as much in a previous post and that I"m trying to get away from it, but unfortunately that"s the way it is. I"m not looking for a trophy, my standards are not impossibly high, and I won"t put up with an attractive girl that I can"t stand on a personal level (see Xerxes posts, circa February).

Chu tried to make a comment about why I was single at 30 or whatever, and this is the biggest reason why in my opinion. I have very high standards both in terms of physical looks AND personality. I"d rather keep on trucking along single or dating new girls, than "settling" for one that"s "good enough." That wouldn"t be fair to either party.
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The problem with that outlook is that sooner (not later, you ARE getting old) is that you won"t be able to keep on trucking dating new girls. The new girls will get worse and worse henceforth.

good luck

edit: it"s really time to ease up on the physical requirement. a 10 won"t stay a 10 for too long.
 
Eomer

Eomer

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Once again, I"m not after only 10"s. Everyone"s scale is different, but I"d say I"m fine with 7"s and up. The girl I met tonight was a fair amount overweight, she probably weighed as much as I do but was 5 inches shorter. You make it sound like I turned down Jessica fucking Alba.
 
A

Antarius

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Eomer said:
Once again, I"m not after only 10"s. Everyone"s scale is different, but I"d say I"m fine with 7"s and up. The girl I met tonight was a fair amount overweight, she probably weighed as much as I do but was 5 inches shorter. You make it sound like I turned down Jessica fucking Alba.
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It could be worse ...
 
D

Dabamf_sl

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Jesus, he"s what, 28? This isn"t the 1950s, all the good ones aren"t getting married at 18. People are single longer and I"d wager the ones who are still single in mid-late 20s are probably more intelligent and emotionally stable that those who got married in their early 20s. I don"t know why you think there is some race to get married before 30. People who think like that are probably the ones who settle and end up hating their life when they"re older.

I"d rather try for something great and risk being alone later than settle and guarantee a mediocre existence. And, personally, anyone who isn"t in decent shape has a personality flaw inherently, unless they for some reason just flat out can"t help it. If you"re single and don"t attempt to look decent & stay in shape, knowing that a better looking you will have more options, you don"t care about your life that much and that will come through in other ways also.

It"s not like eomer said he met the most perfect girl imaginable but dropped her because of 30lbs. It was a first date. If you are settling already on first dates, you got a problem.

tarrant, that news is shitty to hear. in this case it is legit to think what a dumb bitch

As for degrassi, well you"re a total fuckin moron. You gotta be one extra level of shitty person to criticize a complete stranger unprovoked.

I"d 2nd the just not calling her deal. But if she calls you more than once, avoiding her is kinda shitty and better to answer and, if she still doesn"t get the hint and asks you to meet again, its maybe preferable to straight up tell her you aren"t interested (nicely, of course). I do think it"s kinda cowardly to ignore repeated phone calls. At that point they"re probably looking for an explanation.
 
L

Lusiphur_foh

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Eomer, don"t be that guy/girl that just disappears.

We all hate that shit when it happens to us so don"t be the one doing it. Man up and send her a quick txt or email saying "Sorry hun, no spark really, had fun but don"t think I would like to see you again". Short, simple and then you wont be torturing the girl for a week until she gets "the message".

Seriously, you are better than that.
 
ToeMissile

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Lusiphur said:
Eomer, don"t be that guy/girl that just disappears.

We all hate that shit when it happens to us so don"t be the one doing it. Man up and send her a quick txt or email saying "Sorry hun, no spark really, had fun but don"t think I would like to see you again". Short, simple and then you wont be torturing the girl for a week until she gets "the message".

Seriously, you are better than that.
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I agree with this method.
 
Heylel

Heylel

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Eomer said:
It might also be the group I run with. The group of guys I hang out have all been friends since we were 13, and in some cases much longer. Out of the 10-20 guys in the group, depending on what the "group" is considered to be, not a single one is married (one was and got divorced), although about half have serious girlfriends while the other half are between girls or just casually dating.
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Just to chime in, this can sometimes be a serious hindrance. I have a very similar group of friends I"ve known for ages, and in many ways it sorta... I dunno, locks you into your early behavior. Your friends have an expectation of how you act, and you"ll subconsciously fulfill those expectations without realizing it. A lot of dating is the subtle back and forth between a guy and girl, and the full knowledge that you"re there enjoyingeach other"scompany. A girl can pick up on when she"s the fifth wheel as easily as a guy can.

It doesn"t happen all the time, but it definitely does happen. Beyond that, your oldest friends are the ones most likely to be really hard on a new girl as they circle the wagons and start sizing her up. Little things that a friend at work or someone less close to you would ignore suddenly become huge issues when the chick is hanging out at your house on game day trying to fit in with the old boys.

There"s really no solving it. You"re not going to stop hanging out with your best friends over a girl (nor should you, ever) so all you can do is acknowledge the problem and try to compensate. Preferably without your buddies calling you a huge pussy.
 
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