Girls who broke your heart thread

0
0
Brad2770 said:
Cherry and I were laughing and talking about Metalocalypse last night. And yeah, I kissed her. Damn, it was nice. Last kiss I had was the day after Thanksgiving last year.
Who says therapy doesn"t work? Damn dude, good job. I"m going to echo other people"s thoughts around here and just say be careful.

You have to realize you"re looking at this relationship through a different lens this time, one that isn"t tinted (tainted? jk) by your ex. So just go with the flow.
 

Rica86_foh

shitlord
0
0
Eomer said:
I can"t imagine why any guy would sit around thinking that if his bud and woman would just break up,they could truly be happy with that woman.
I don"t get it either quite honestly, but as I said my friend is quite dillusional about relationships. He"s never even had a girlfriend. He"s a nice guy and quite personable once you get past the shit he"s built around him from his pretty fucked up life. He is the kind of guy that just puts out the fact he is interested in women he has no chance of getting with, because I believe that"s how he actually feels in general. Almost every time he is telling me about some chick, it"s some married woman or something of the sort. He is also is the sad little puppy kind of guy that thinks any chick that says hello to him totally wants him. So that"s not helping his case either.
 

Tarrant

<Prior Amod>
15,566
9,019
Tenks said:
This thread is like one giant circle. I see we have done yet another rotation.
I"d like to think I"m outside my old circle at this point thank you very much.

Brad has come a long way, as long as he doesn"t think with his dick in this I think it could turn out okay, mind you it"s a big if...but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, I think he"s come a long way since he started posting in here. A few of us have, fuck I know for sure I"ve come a long way since the guy who began posting shortly after his marriage fell apart.

Fuck that seems so long ago.
 

brekk

Dancing Dino Superstar
<Bronze Donator>
2,191
1,746
Eomer said:
I mean seriously, what kind of girl would even consider going out with a good friend of their ex, unless things ended a LONG time ago, were never serious to begin with, or somehow ended incredibly well?
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/0gGD2sM72Z4&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/0gGD2sM72Z4&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
 

Brad2770

Avatar of War Slayer
5,221
16,410
Dont give me props yet. Give me a little more time before patting me on the back.

1) I have dated Cherry before, so it"s not like I am impressing a new woman. And we have had sex before (last year), so I dont think there would be an issue if I wanted to sex her soon (though I have no intentions of it. I really want to see if I can be her friend for awhile).

2) This is my first shot at someone without the thought of my ex in the back of my mind. I have no idea how this will go. So, I am a little scared. But I am surely going to think before I act. And probably only do HALF of what i think so I dont fuck it up.

3) Dexter is one badass show.
 

brekk

Dancing Dino Superstar
<Bronze Donator>
2,191
1,746
Brad2770 said:
Dont give me props yet.
wat?

I don"t think anyone has really meant anything positive towards your situation right now. Have you talked with your therapist at all about hanging with the 19 year old again?
 

Brad2770

Avatar of War Slayer
5,221
16,410
brekk said:
wat?

I don"t think anyone has really meant anything positive towards your situation right now. Have you talked with your therapist at all about hanging with the 19 year old again?
Nope. But she doesnt tell me what to do. She asks me how things makes me feel and then helps me control said feelings. She never told me I should stop seeing my ex. She pretty much got it out of me that i wanted to stop seeing her, then challenged me to stop talking about her. (Which I have done well. Talking about her here is the most I have in the last week.)

and this is what I was really replying to about giving me props. I should have quoted it:

Tarrant220 said:
Brad has come a long way
 

brekk

Dancing Dino Superstar
<Bronze Donator>
2,191
1,746
I"m not saying you need to ask your therapist exactly what to do, but they can help with giving a clear view point on your actions. It seems like with your ex-wife and now Cherry you have difficulty letting go, and would prefer returning to something that"s familiar and comfortable to you rather then moving on to something new.

I just don"t understand your willingness to date someone 12 years younger then you.
 

Brad2770

Avatar of War Slayer
5,221
16,410
brekk said:
I"m not saying you need to ask your therapist exactly what to do, but they can help with giving a clear view point on your actions. It seems like with your ex-wife and now Cherry you have difficulty letting go, and would prefer returning to something that"s familiar and comfortable to you rather then moving on to something new.

I just don"t understand your willingness to date someone 12 years younger then you.
Because I didnt really look at the age thing when I first started talking to her. Mainly I was venting about my ex last year and how she didnt want to commit. She was a shoulder to cry on, I guess. Then she started saying things that allowed me to see the interest, I started to like her more than just the shoulder to cry on.

Part of why I made the big deal about the sex with her last year was because I was banging my ex and Cherry at the same time. I was getting a hot 19 yr old when I was feeling old and worthless because of how my ex had treated me. Then I was getting ridiculous stupid internet attention because she was cute and so I focused more on the sex and that she was hot than the fact that she made me smile and was nice to me (even though I didnt want her).

Age aside, I like her company. I like to talk a lot. She likes to listen. We like the same music and shows on TV. She would gladly do soemthing for me as much as I would for her. She was doing things my ex wouldnt think about: Back rubs and cooking for me. She would ask if I needed help when taking out the trash or ask me if I would rather play PS3 instead of watch what she was watching.

And last night was an example of that- She was watching House when when i got there, asked if I wanted to watch something different. I told her House was fine and she decided to watch Metalocalypse instead because she knows I like that.

She did those kinds of things through the 3 months we saw each other last year and all I could think about was getting sex pics and my ex. I would cinsider dating her because I didnt give her a chance. 20 or not, she could be a good girl for me. If not, I would hate knowing that I didnt give it a try.
 

Tarrant

<Prior Amod>
15,566
9,019
Tarrant220 said:
Yeah if current trends hold out I expect something from her tonight or tomorrow, by the chance she doesn"t I"ll hit her up Wed like you said.
I was right, she just started texting me...which is nice since working is going by so slow I want to poke my eyes out with a pencil.
 

Dabamf_sl

shitlord
1,472
0
Tarrant, I"ll just say that if you"re not used to the situation, you REALLY gotta keep up the hard-to-get routine or she"ll lose interest quick. And it"s not surprising you said the girl is more attractive than you"ve ever gone out with. Being unobtainable is a million times more effective with gorgeous women because most guys would do anything to get a girl like that, so they"re extra used to being pursued like crazy. In some ways its easier to get a gorgeous woman than a 7-8.

Where I always go wrong is I drop the "don"t care" attitude right when I start liking her a little and the girl starts showing more interest in me, and it usually goes bad then. The biggets problem with getting women to chase you is that they can get bored quick if they aren"t discovering anything that interesting or if you suddenly start showing that you like them. Qualification here is HUUGE. You can"t just start showing more interest gradually without obvious cause. You absolutely have to qualify her hardcore before you show interest. "Oh you read a lot? I think that"s awesome, hardly anyone reads these days." Criteria laid out, positive evaluation, and make her feel special/better than other people.

Random update on me. DG and I plateaued, as I expected. We hit a point where I really can"t find out anything else about her due to the language restriction. She knows more about me because her English comprehension is better than my Korean, but it"s still limited. I really enjoy her company, and we get along great, but most days with her are pretty much the same. It doesn"t help that our dates are predictable and mundane since we don"t have time to go anywhere different due to her working 70 hours a week. It"s a shame, because I see hints of characteristics that I always look for in girls, but can"t really explore more deeply. It"s what I expected though so I"m not really bummed about it. I still enjoy her company and we"ll still hang out for the time being.
 

Tarrant

<Prior Amod>
15,566
9,019
Yeah I"m pretty much of the attitude now that I"m going to let her come to me throughout the week. I think Sunday I"m going to have to go into it with zero expectations or else I"m going to psych myself out.

It"s funny you mentioned the reading thing, I used that exact damn line about 10 minutes ago when she told me she relaxing with a good book.
 

avgeek_foh

shitlord
0
0
Tenks said:
I used to suck really badly at the whole not calling thing as well but now it"s like second nature. Case in point I went out with my gray-zone girlfriend on Thursday and told her Friday morning I was busy all weekend so I didn"t call her and didn"t expect her to call me. Like clockwork she texted me at like 10 this afternoon and we"re going out Tuesday. Desperate is never on any girl"s list of qualities she wants in a guy and being aloof is the best way to pull that off.

I didn"t really believe it or figure it out until I had my heart crushed by the first girl I thought I loved because I gave her my nuts on a platter. Won"t make that mistake again.
I have two that I"ve got on "friends to go out with" status, both would be good to move forward with, I"m just not sure which one...or even if I want to go that direction at the moment. It"s hard not to shoot em a text or something during the day, but just like you said, if I don"t make contact for a day or two...sure enough I"ll hear from one or the other...or both...to go do something. Logically it seems so backwards to not call them, but then again...wearetalking about women here.
 

Tenks

Bronze Knight of the Realm
14,163
606
Well as Dabamf alluded to for hard to get to work youneedto prove them that the chase is well worth it. You can be aloof as hell and the hardest guy to get in on the planet but if she doesn"t see a qualification of why you"re worth this trouble it"ll crumble.

As for avgeek I"m with you. I don"t know if she wants to go forward and I don"t really feel like screwing things up. However I don"t know if she expects me to make the first "So ... are we in a relationship?" move. It"s all very new and strange to me. I"ll probably screw it up and give you guys advice on how to do things better like usual ;D
 

Dabamf_sl

shitlord
1,472
0
Can"t you do it gradually? Saying something like "I really like spending time with you," and not expecting a response (but of course the purpose is to gauge her response) is less of a commitment than "lets be exclusive." If she reciprocates you can escalate the conversation to exclusivity. If she doesn"t or gives a half-hearted response, you lost nothing really.

But, as always, its better to wait longer than you want to in order to make sure she wants the same thing you do. If you are a week late in asking her, you simply missed a week of the relationship. Hardly anythig lost. And this route doesn"t even get dangerous until it"s so exreme that she thinks you aren"t capable of entering an exclusive relationship, and I guess that is a long way off. However, if you are a week early in asking, ie you ask a week before she decides she wants a relationship with you, you probably lost the entire thing.