Zehn - Vhex said:
She was a very private person and I respect that. It would be an incredible douche maneuver to post in a public venue about it. I like to think that if nothing else, I"ll always have my integrity. To betray someone"s trust like that? Never happen.
Apologies for ribbing you earlier. Respect just went up a couple notches.
Kilivek said:
I"m not talking about exercising or eating healthy or doing well at your job. Certainly, finding a girl/sex is motivation for those things too, and I don"t say those are bad. Obviously, you should brush your teeth for your own benefit, not a girl"s. But I do agree that is improvement, regardless of why it"s done. (I might question why just that is motivation for improvement, but I digress.)
I"m talking about interpersonal behavior.
"Interpersonal behavior"? Your wording is a bit ambiguous. Even tooth-brushing can become "interpersonal" if those luscious little beads of toothpaste find a curve you like. And if you're lucky, afterwards, your cock will be minty fresh.
Your one example is a poor one. Eomer is trying to act confident. He is not trying to act like an asshole. You just threw asshole in there to make it sound bad. If you meant it as something more generalized than Eomer's case, it is still a poor example. There isn't much traffic upon ye holie path to purposeful assholerie.
Kilivek said:
The post above said it correctly. The person you act like is essentially the person you become.
It's impossible to not be you. Even when you're acting, you're being you. There is no "true self" you're betraying. That is the major flaw in your argument.
Are you saying that it is bad to emulate behaviors you don't agree with on a moral or personal level (i.e. being an asshole)? I can agree with that, but you are equating it with whether or not one should experiment (at all) in a relationship, which is a completely different animal. There is no reason at all to avoid experimentation.
Kilivek said:
And the amount of time Eomer (only using him because he posts so often in this thread) spends dealing with the women he wants to be with by jumping through interpersonal circus hoops is more than the time he actually spends with them.
What people are willing to put up with is highly personalized. The people who enjoy abuse aside, generally, as people learn they put up with less shit. We evolve a shit-sense, if you will, and actively avoid situations we once might have put up with, after learning where they lead. You learn that, no matter how charming the devil, once he leads you into the woods, he's going to do what devils do. He's going to brush your goddamn teeth.
You seem to be that particular species of individual that cannot fathom any rational reason for admitting stress/pain into your life (when it can be avoided). Correct me if I'm wrong. You
haveto work, so you
haveto get stressed. You
haveto take care of your teeth, so you
haveto deal with disgust. But you shouldn't
haveto change yourself or expend exceptional effort in a relationship. Afterall, you're an individual and all that bullcrap. Well, I don't really think that's true. And I think changing yourself (as I believe others have said), interpersonal and otherwise, is beneficial to your growth as a person. Also. With Eomer, that's his thing. Only he can know if he's getting adequate satisfaction for his efforts.
