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So...you are taking gifts back now?Djaypally said:So...what do you guys do with lingerie that you bought for an ex? Obviously there"s not much I can do with it, but the idea of her wearing it with someone else makes me a little sick.
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This is helping me so much right now, you don"t even know. BAWW incoming:Turkish said:For me, it"s when you feel like some vile cunt ripped out your heart, but then after you gain the dignity, self respect and confidence to realize a woman can never break you.
She gets to have it because you gave it to her. It becomes HERS and not yours in the process of being a gift. The sweaters, garter belts, stockings, shoes, subscriptions to Time, fucking Ipod music shit and the rest are gifts for her being her and not some rental contract dependent upon you getting a blowjob. Now you aren"t getting some knob-slobber and you want to revoke every gift you gave her?Djaypally said:Sorry if I wasn"t clear. She wore it a couple times, which is why I said give it to her or throw it away initially. There"s a couple things I got for her and she bought one as a "gift" for me. Which I guess is one of the reasons it annoyed me when she asked for it back. Another reason is because she lied about getting with someone new when she originally asked for the stuff.
I wasn"t planning on getting into the whole, long story, so I"ll keep it at that. I just thought I"d see what other people had done with that type of stuff after a breakup since I haven"t really been in this situation before. She had other clothes (and a toy) here that I gave her without thinking twice. Just the stuff that I got for her or she got to use with me that I"m having issues with. Why does she get to have that shit? I don"t trust my judgment in this situation, I guess.
Kick that bitch to the curb.STFU said:Then she said that she made plans with him for this Saturday to go to his place, make dinner, watch movies and have drinks.
I think the fact that she even has a thing for this guy should be an indicator that shit is going downhill. If I had a thing for some chick while I was with my gf, I would certainly reassess our relationship and how I feel about her, however, that may be something more personal to me, just because in all the time I"ve been with my gf, I"ve never had a thing for other women, on the simple fact that I love her.BAWW incoming:
I agree with everything you said. Me moving without her was as much a way to get out of what I was living with as it was anything else. It was bad, I couldn"t hang out with my friends, go see my family without her, if I looked in the direction of a girl I was cheating on her (oh the irony). I couldn"t imagine things changing for the better without something drastic like moving hundreds of miles away happening. However at the same time, I wasn"t ready to be done with her, and even now I find myself hoping that she realizes she"s being stupid.Dr. Funkenstein said:To be frank, so does moving hundreds of miles away after living together for 3+ years.
I"ve tried explaining all that to her, along with the whole "I know what guys are really like" thing... just seems to go in one ear and out the other. She"s above the effects of alcohol apparently, even though she"s never been a drinker and would never even have a drink with me.brekk said:Kick that bitch to the curb.
I"m the same way, sure I"ve seen attractive girls, but as long as I was with my gf, no other girl mattered. And I sure as heck wouldn"t give up my relationship for a girl that I met a month ago.projectoffset said:in all the time I"ve been with my gf, I"ve never had a thing for other women, on the simple fact that I love her..... Basically, this isn"t the behavior of someone who loves you, cares for you, and wants a serious relationship with you.
Dont listen to the clueless fools here.Djaypally said:Sorry if I wasn"t clear.
You need to realize something: It doesnt mean shit that you are right and she is wrong.STFU said:This is helping me so much right now, you don"t even know. BAWW incoming:
That"s not what"s happening here. She wants your attention. If she wasat all"serious" about this guy, she wouldn"t be telling you shit about him. She is telling you only because she wants you to pay attention. Just look at how she has pushed the bounds of what is acceptable in small increments (Going over his house, turns to staying late, turns to staying over night, turns to a full blown date.).STFU said:k wouldn"t give up my relationship for a girl that I met a month ago.
What astounds me, and this goes back to what Dr. Funkenstein, is how she went from being dependent on me for everything... I was her world...to done, moved on, found someone else, etc.. in the blink of an eye.
Dont disagree with this and think it might go beyond that.Lithose said:That"s not what"s happening here. She wants your attention. If she wasat all"serious" about this guy, she wouldn"t be telling you shit about him. She is telling you only because she wants you to pay attention. Just look at how she has pushed the bounds of what is acceptable in small increments (Going over his house, turns to staying late, turns to staying over night, turns to a full blown date.).
I don"t care how fucking crazy a girl is. No girl assumes it"s "okay" to make another man dinner and stay over his house to watch movies alone. Fucking no woman thinks that way. She knows what she is doing is provocative and it is MEANT to annoy you. Trying to explain this to her is probably only pissing her off. (I mean, I bet she is going "duh" every time you say that this is wrong.)
She is trying to see what you allow. It"s a fucked up way of seeing how much you still "want" her.
Why does everything gotta turn into food with you?Etoille said:She can get that attention fix she needed before elsewhere its like cake and ice cream and eating it too. *shrug*
She"s trying to get you to dump her because she wants out of the long-distance relationship but doesn"t have the balls to call it off.STFU said:This is helping me so much right now, you don"t even know. BAWW incoming:
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:"Quick" backstory: I"m 24, gf is 22. We"ve been together for 4 years, 3+ of those years living together. I moved to MA from Illinois for school at the beginning of this semester, she did not come with. This was mostly my decision, because throughout our relationship she has been extremely (borderline crazy) insecure, controlling, and dependent on me for everything. Much like a couple of the posts I"ve read here.
I didn"t jump ship despite those issues, because I thought I could help fix them. She was my first really serious relationship and vice-versa. I thought that I"d move out here for a little while and she might become more independent, then she"d move out here with me. By all accounts it has worked. She is more independent, she"s made friends and as a result is less controlling over what I do. We were beginning to make plans to live together once again.
However, last weekend she tells me that she"s going to a party with some co-workers. I thought this was great. Then she said that afterwards her and a couple gf"s were going to a guys house that she"d met about a month previous, to hang out. Sounded harmless. Then at 5 a.m. the next morning I get a text saying that they were just going to stay all night there because the roads were bad and they were tired. At this point I told her that I wasn"t okay with my gf staying overnight at a guy"s house whom I don"t know.
Over the next couple days we fought because she thought I was "being controlling and what she did was okay and nothing happened". Through these arguments I got it out of her that she has a thing for this guy, but nothing physical happened (which I do believe).
Then she said that she made plans with him for this Saturday to go to his place, make dinner, watch movies and have drinks. She made these plans after me telling her I wasn"t okay with what happened the first time. She justifies it by saying that they"re just friends (despite her liking him), and that she isn"t going to do anything stupid. I tried telling her that it sounds very much like a date, and even if nothing is going to happen she should respect the fact that I"m not okay with it and not do it.
I told her that if she ends up doing it, then we"re done.... but I really don"t think she believes me, and she"s giving me the indication that she"s going to go through with it regardless of what I say.
Am I being crazy here? What she is doing goes outside of the boundaries of what"s okay to do while in a serious long-term relationship, in my mind.
I don"t know, she"s adamant that what she"s doing is not a big deal. It doesn"t help that apparently everyone she talks to agrees with her (the "friends" she"s been asking don"t know me, and they don"t know how much of a clinger she is/has been). That"s part of the reason I came here to ask about it, I wanted to make sure I"m not the crazy one thinking that this is wrong to do in a serious long term relationship.Lithose said:I don"t care how fucking crazy a girl is. No girl assumes it"s "okay" to make another man dinner and stay over his house to watch movies alone.
Agreed. But what"s she going to do when faced with the choice of seeing him or having a relationship with me?Etoille said:Dont disagree with this and think it might go beyond that.
That"s definitely a possibility, also. She"s said a couple things that have led me to believe that. She brought up us going on a "break", which I took to mean "I want to see if I want to be with this guy, but if it turns out I don"t, I want you as a fall back". I said no way to that, either on or off for good.Tuco said:She"s trying to get you to dump her because she wants out of the long-distance relationship but doesn"t have the balls to call it off.
You mean other than stabbing you in your sleep?STFU said:Agreed. But what"s she going to do when faced with the choice of seeing him or having a relationship with me?
I think you"re crazy for not breaking up with her earlier. Also, 1 on 1 dinner + movie + drinks with some guy, at his house, that she just met certainly isn"t ok in my book. She"s either stupid or manipulative, and from what you"ve said it seems like the later. From my pov, not being affected by the "but we"ve been together for 3 years" sentiment, plus you"re 24 and away at school, I say get rid of her.STFU said:I wanted to make sure I"m not the crazy one thinking that this is wrong to do in a serious long term relationship.