Girls who broke your heart thread

Ravvenn said:

Why? Are you just being silly or do you not know many gay people? They"re not all feminine, and Alphas exist for women, too, btw. Actually, Alphas exist for all sexes and sexual preferences. One of my gays can turn into a bro with the flip of a switch when he feels threatened by a homophobe, so its not like they"re "stuck" flamboyant or something. I personally only know two twinks, and I don"t particularly care for either. The others are extremely attractive, well spoken, and the type of gays where it tricks female gaydar. They"re not running around tweaking their nipples and dry humping pink clothes.

In many situations, women flock to those gay men over the confident / arrogant straight men. Like it or not, they"re Alpha males. The saying, "Why are all the best guys gay" isn"t a myth. ;p If you guys could make yourselves desirable and stop thinking it involves being a dickhead, you"d likely a our the scary friend zone.

If I were gay, I"d rock Kuriin"s world.

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Agreed.

I think it"s easy for most men to confuse "have confidence" with "be a dick" because in some cases women (in truthgirls) can"t distinguish between the two either. The thing is... being a dick is ONLY going to get you these girls. And these aren"t the ones you want. You can fool girls into liking you by ignoring them and being a dick. If you"re looking to run through empty girls looking for what the latest romantic comedy told them love is, then go for it.

In the end the type of woman you want to be with is one that knows the difference between someone who is a dick and someone who is confident and comfortable in their own skin. If you"ve ever heard the advice to "stop trying so hard with women", it doesn"t mean stop giving a fuck about woman and treat them like shit. It means invest in yourself and eventually a woman will enter your life. That"s just how shit works.

You make yourself an alpha male by giving a shit about you. That is not the same as trying to make yourself look like an alpha male by not giving a shit about a women in general.

CalhoonJugganaut said:

This is long.

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The Caution: This right here is a prime example of why I always preach to my friends to think long and hard (with their big head) before getting involved with a woman who has a kid(s). I, of course, had to learn this lesson the hard way myself before it really sunk in. The long and short of it is, you WILL form a bond with their child if you date them for any serious length of time. Then if the relationship goes south, you"re losing out on two relationships rather than just the one. When I broke up with the gal I dated who had a little girl, I found myself having to muster the courage to deal with her child; dealing with my ex was far, far easier. Bottom line, it sucked.

The Little Girl: I have to admit when you said this gal immediately got pregnant after one of your separations, my first thought was, "Have you tested the child to see if it"s yours?" If there isn"t a "legal daddy" out there already, and by that I mean a Paternity/Parentage Judgment or its equivalent, and if you"re not 100% sure the child"s not yours, you may wish to consider your options in this regard. Yes, that is going to mean talking to a competent family law attorney in your area, unless you live in California, and then I can give you some guidance. I don"t mean to get all philosophical in this thread, but no matter what you do, make sure you are prepared to live with your decision for the rest of your life. If you never get back together with this woman and you never find out if the child was yours, you will probably think of the "what ifs" for years to come (this decision is way easier to deal with if the child already has a "father" by law; again, talk with an attorney to find out if that"s the case). If you never get back together with your woman but you find out the child is yours, obviously your world has changed forever, good or "bad."

The Woman: To be perfectly honest, your relationship with this woman did not sound healthy at all. Multiple separations is usually a glaring klaxon that things aren"t going so well. I think your reaction to her leaving you this time around is pretty typical for most guys. Hell, remember the scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High where the guy prepped himself to dump his girlfriend, and then she beats him to it, which totally screws with his head and makes him want to stay with her? You could very well be that guy. In any event, if you had to admit it, I"m willing to bet that you"d be jealous of this gal being with any guy other than you, regardless of whether he was objectively "good" for her.

The Sad Truth: I hate to say it, but the chances of this story having a happy ending look grim from here. Even if you guys get back together, there"s a lot of scorched earth between you. And then there"s the little girl, which could very easily turn into a custody dispute. So while the people screaming at you to never look back are probably hitting the nail right on the head, because of the uncertainties surrounding this little girl, I strongly urge you to hold off on doing anything drastic until you"ve spoken with a qualified professional and explored all of your options first.

Thanks for the responses guys.

Now for a little clarification on my reasoning. While she was dating the other guy and cheating on him with me, I guess I just thought it was going to be temporary for her. The two of them were on again off again for a year and I was thinking she just didn"t want to crush him by leaving for good. When she finally did break it off with him, I guess it was 8 or 9 months until her and I started dating again. She told me she didn"t talk to him since then and I trusted her. My bad, lol. I hate to sound cliche, but I guess love is blind. I was in love with her for the wrong reasons; the memory of what we had and the idea of that somehow being rekindled.

As far as the little girl, she claims to have had a take home paternity test done on the father and she doesn"t think things will be any different if we got another one. I think I"m just trying to employ some fucked up bargaining to get her back. I realize that this isn"t going to work out now and I just need to move on. Walking away from a 4 year history with someone that was mostly filled with good times when we did see each other is kind of a hard pill to swallow for me though.

Lusiphur said:

You pay all the bills right ? The lease is in your name ? You have 3 options ..

1) Take control of your own life and ask her to leave. Give her a week then change the locks. Put her stuff in a storage space you rented for a week and give her the key.
2) Move. Stop paying the lease.
3) Continue to let this woman control your life and living space.

If your purpose here is to make her re-consider you then I guarantee taking a harder line is the only thing that can possibly do that. Obviously I recommend option 1 because 2 and 3 are somewhat snivelling and cowardly but its your call.

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Do not do #2. I mean...unless you"re retarded and want to screw up your credit and have problems renting a decent place in the future. If you are in a lease, you can"t just stop paying without any repurcussions. (I work part-time in property management...a couple late rent payments in your history might disqualify you...walking out on a lease definitely would...I hear a new sob story every day...luckily I don"t make any of those decisions and can tell them to tell their story to the person that does.) If you"re month-to-month, you can put in a 30-day notice, but a lease is basically a contract saying that you agree to pay a certain amount for a certain amount of time and they can"t kick you out during that time unless you violate some term of your lease. If her name isn"t on the lease, then he"s fully responsible for everything including any damage done. If her name is on the lease, then he"s still partially responsible...it just means they can legally come after both of them for any unpaid rent.

I doubt the guy in question would pick that option, but obviously some people out there think that"s something you can easily do. You could always try talking to your landlord, but good luck if it"s a company. If you have a private owner, it might be a little easier depending on how well you can appeal to their emotions.

Real advice? Give her a deadline. Make it 3 weeks or a month. But starting immediately, she needs to be the one sleeping on the couch. I don"t care if it"s technically her bed, you"re paying for the roof. If she doesn"t like that, she can move out now instead of in 3-4 weeks. Then, let her know after that time you are putting her stuff in a storage facility and having the locks changed. (I don"t know what the legalities are here if she"s on the lease...probably differs from state to state anyway. Call your landlord and ask them if you"re legally allowed to change the locks on her.)

Good luck.

larseny316 said:

Alright, slightly different question from most other ones. Been seeing a girl for a year now who is 8 years younger than me (30 and 22). We even had previous drama we toughed it out (that even made it into the thread). We moved into our own place in September, and I picked up an engagement ring last month (early, but financially it kind of fell in my lap) Things started going bad for us around Thanksgiving, and by December 6th she decided it was over and walked out on me. Then came back physically because she has no place to go.

Only problem is that she has no money, and I have always paid all our bills and I can"t quite figure out how to get her to leave (I was out of town the previous 2 weeks so it wasn"t a major issue). She makes $9 an hour in a job that she is tied to for school benefits and doesn"t have a second job (which she will need). She also carries a negative balance on her bank account usually.

Now I still love the girl, but it is obvious that right now in her life she doesn"t have room for me. Who knows what happens down the road. I"m not enough of an asshole to just put her shit on the curb, but anytime I try and bring up anything with her relationship/living arrangement wise she shuts down and refuses to talk. The living situation has come to a head because she has started casually seeing someone, and while she knows that they can"t walk into my place, it still bothers me to see her. I don"t hold it against her, I went out with a fantastic girl just last night. So how do I get her out? I"m not paying all the bills to sleep on the couch for the rest of our lease. Someone else on this board must have a similar experience.

I can"t continue to live with someone who emotionally shut down and walked out of our relationship without fighting for it. I am an emotional person and every time she walks through the door it fucks me up a bit. Not to mention the new girl I am seeing is everything she is not. Financially responsible, still young but has been a single mom for a couple years so that matured her up, has emotions she is willing to talk about, and it kind of royally pisses me off that I can"t bring my NY Eve date home with me because the old one is sleeping in our (technically her) bed. Can"t keep my life on hold because my ex doesn"t know how to save a dime.

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You need to kick her out of your place. She is not responsible with money. This is not your problem, but you enable her bad spending habits because you allow her to live with you for free. She isnt going to learn anything, and she isnt saving money to make an effort to get out on her own. I"m a firm believer of not catching people when they fall because then they do not learn. Kick her out and if she has no place to go, tough luck. Not only will this get you your own place, but also will help you in the short and long run because you have feelings for her. With her not there, the healing stage will go a lot faster and smoother. But until then she will keep walking on you because it seems you are more submissive to her.

What is she doing with her money since she"s not paying bills? It doesn"t matter if she makes $3.00 an hour. She"s officially your roomate and she needs to either pay you or help pay the bills, even if it"s not much.

Write a contract, give her 30 days max (might I suggest 14 days???). Make sure she signs it. A notary at the post office is a few bucks, it wouldn"t hurt.

Also, start to divide costs and tell her what she, as your roomate, will need to pay back to you in say, 6-12 months - again, contract.

I don"t care who"s bed it is, you"re paying the bills, let her sleep on the couch, FFS! If she"s unable to pay, make sure she cleans or something instead. She"s going to use you because you let her.

Does she have family, friends, etc? I"d kick her out right away. Since you seem nice, just give her a 14 day eviction notice (indicate she"s not paying in the letter). I"m sure you can find a rough draft in our Archives.

It"s obvious you love her, you"ve invested more than several weeks so it"s not as easy to be a dick. You"re not though, you"re trying to get away from a relationship you"re out of. She needs to leave, period. You"ll be fine, she seems kind of retarded anyway. Don"t wallow in self pity or blame the world, shit happens, be a man and deal with it.

Save the ring for someone special and someone you"ve been with much longer (lots of years).

You"ll be OK.

Look, it"s your house. Bring your date home, it may get her out faster. Also, TELL your date, don"t surprise her. That could get ugly really fast.
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Calhoon, get a paternity test. If she"s not yours, oh well. Ask her nicely if you and your family can have visitation as you"ve all bonded and leave it at that. There"s a lot of time invested here and you two seem kind of civil. Try to keep it that way but stop screwing her before you get herpes, she sounds like a slut (sorry).

Met a cute chic on PoF. Good conversations. Ive had good luck on the site in the past. Usually 3-4 days of chatting online before meeting people before and it always went well, but they were all in my home town.

Question is. This new chic is a 4-5 hr round trip to meet and the includes a ferry ride. So 3-4 days before i say "hey i should put in a giant effort and come and meet you for coffee" might seem to eager. So how long should i wait? Maybe Ravvenn could chime in with a womans perspective.

Not sure what The Package is, maybe i missed something?

How old are you and how old is she?

Im 25, shes 27.

is the package a box of flower petals with a stuffed animal duck?

Grumpus said:

Im 25, shes 27.

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Such an awkward age when deciding what"s "safe" or not. Having that said, you"re both on a dating website, meaning you"re both wanting to find someone to date. So I don"t think it"s too far out to ask someone...on a date.

Coffee is always a wonderful thing for casual meetings, dates, etc. Maybe she"d be willing to meet you half way.

I say go for it, it"s not like it"s a huge planned date (which I"d say you should wait about 2 weeks).

Hope that helps.

Ravvenn said:

Such an awkward age when deciding what"s "safe" or not. Having that said, you"re both on a dating website, meaning you"re both wanting to find someone to date. So I don"t think it"s too far out to ask someone...on a date.

Coffee is always a wonderful thing for casual meetings, dates, etc. Maybe she"d be willing to meet you half way.

I say go for it, it"s not like it"s a huge planned date (which I"d say you should wait about 2 weeks).

Hope that helps.

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Thanks for the input.

There are lots of nice little coffee shops right by the ferry terminal actually so i could probably meet her there, its about as half way as we could get i think. And if things aren"t going smooth i can say i have to jet to catch a specific ferry.

She seems pretty cool from our conversations. She does only have 1 pic up on the site though. Hopeing its not angle trickery. What do you guys think?

She"s a cutie pie!

Funny you mentioned the coffee shops. I was coming back to say pick something that"s not generic (avoid Starbucks and those alike). I think it"s more fun in new places and it"s normally those places that have good coffee instead of a popular name.

Check reviews, find one that makes "pretty" lattes and does froth-art. I wouldn"t get crazy with The Package, but bringing a single simple flower or three is always a sweet gesture and isn"t creepy.

Ravvenn said:

Such an awkward age when deciding what"s "safe" or not. Having that said, you"re both on a dating website, meaning you"re both wanting to find someone to date. So I don"t think it"s too far out to ask someone...on a date.

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You"d be surprised.

If i brought her anything i think it would be a book since she says shes really into reading. A thoughtful book has been a cant miss gift in the past for the ladies. At least in my experience.

To me flowers say "can i touch your boobies" and a book says "I share one of your interests and would like to get to know you" which is the point i would be trying to get across.

Oh and the ferry terminal where I would be suggesting we meet is a nice little port town with cute little non chain type restaurants and coffee shops and its right on the beach!

If shes at all interested, taking a 2 hr ferry ride to see her, a thoughtful book gift and dinner then a coffee walk on the beach cant miss!

Just include a flower with the book, Jesus.

Because you share her interests, would like to get to know her, AND you want to touch her boobies.