Girls who broke your heart thread

I wonder how many problems develop in relationships due to people playing games and second guessing every little move trying to be something they arent normally.

Phoenix said:

I wonder how many problems develop in relationships due to people playing games and second guessing every little move trying to be something they arent normally.

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Like, all of them.

Seriously, if the wife and I have a fight before I leave for work or something over something retarded and trivial, by the end of the day, she"s seriously got it worked out in her head that we"re getting divorced and she should pack her shit and leave. All it takes is 12 hours of escalating the thoughts in her head with no feedback from me and that"s it, end of fucking relationship over some dirty dishes or something dumb.

It"s fucking hilarious every time.

Uhh I would assumeneveryone in ahealthylong term relationship know signs of affection come natural?

Dabamf said:

I"ve been dating this cradle-robber for the past month now, and I mentioned everything moved super fast. Now we are really close and spend a lot of time together, enough that breaking up would be some major, almost life-changing, event much like year+ relationships are.

I"m REALLY into her and like pretty much everything about her. But one thing drives me fucking insane. She keeps asking for signs of affection. She lives 1hr+ away so we"ll talk on video skype at night sometimes and when we say goodnight she says "where"s my kiss?" in that sort of joking way but underneath you know it actually matters a lot to her whether or not you do it. She"s asked me "when are you going to buy me flowers?" on at least 2 occasions. Just today she did it when I asked if she wanted anything from the store. She said, "yea just one thing...how about flowers?"

Every time she does that I get really annoyed and tell her it ruins the meaning of the gesture when she ASKS for it. Instead of being thoughtful and sweet, I"m suddenly being her affection slave. She says, "well I know you and know you wouldn"t do it on your own, so I"m trying to give you a hint." Then I got ultra and told her that when she asks for those things, it makes me not one to do them.

This isn"t any game by me asking whether or not I should do it and what it means. I"m pretty firmly against giving affection on request--on principle. It cheapens it.

Those in long-term relationships, do you have to deal with this, and how do you handle it?

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My gf is a little like that, but not so blatant/persistent/whatever. My guess would be that she equates the things she"s asking for to your reciprocation of what she feels for you. I"m pretty sure that earlier in this thread there was discussion about methods and expectations of showing someone that you like/love/*insert feeling/emotion*, and how different they can be from person to person.

Dabamf said:

This isn"t any game by me asking whether or not I should do it and what it means. I"m pretty firmly against giving affection on request--on principle. It cheapens it.

Those in long-term relationships, do you have to deal with this, and how do you handle it?

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Well well well. Dabamf looking for advice from the married guys. I shall mark this day on my calendar!

The ball is kinda in your court on this one. What she"s telling you is that she would desire more from you in this department. She doesn"t feel you"re doing enough on your own that makes her feel "loved" (not gonna mince words here, i know a lot of you are in short term relationships where love never enters into it, but that"s what it means, and you know what I mean). So then the question to you becomes "Do YOU feel you"re doing enough to show her affection and desire and all that shit?" Women like that shit. They like it when flowers show up at work. They like getting spontaneous crap that shows that you think about them when you"re not together. What she wants from you is a sign that when you"re out and about doing your daily business, you see something and go "Boy, she"d really love that" and either buy it/do it for her. Might be something as simple as a spontaneous date on a day off or something, or you might have to throw down 10 bucks for flowers.

The obvious other conclusion is that you do feel that you"re doing enough for her in that regard, in which case you just may not be compatible. She"s going to keep wanting it, and if you think it"s over the top, then there"s a good chance she"s not going to change. You might be able to lessen the need for such things over time by doing shit like telling her you love her on a daily basis (again, speaking from a long term relationship, this is super important to a woman"s mental state...to actually HEAR you say it. They might "know" you care about them, but they need to hear you put it in your own words), to just being thoughtful and helping her out with her things without asking, but she"s always going to enjoy getting flowers, and candy and all that other shit that women swoon over. You just need to decide if that"s an acceptable price of entry for the relationship or not.

Dabamf said:

I"ve been dating this cradle-robber

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She"s a bit older than you are? Has she been in a number of relationships, some bad? The reason I ask, is that I knew a woman who was very demanding, not in needing tons of affection per se, but rather needing affection as a reinforcement. She"d been in some other relationships and my impression was that after all the time together things fell apart, and she ended up almost afraid that she"d end up with someone else who didn"t "really" lover her and needed or wanted frequent signs of affection in order to convince her that everything was ok.

Dabamf said:

Instead of being thoughtful and sweet, I"m suddenly being her affection slave. She says, "well I know you and know you wouldn"t do it on your own, so I"m trying to give you a hint."

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Affection slave? Does that really bother you? If it does, would you objectively say the issue lies with you or her?

And don"t get me wrong, I understand that people can go overboard and be cloying in relationships (both men and women). If you do give her a fair amount of affection already, one could see how her pressing for more would get annoying, however:

Dabamf said:

Then I got ultra and told her that when she asks for those things, it makes me not one to do them.

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You honestly sound combative, and controlling in regards to showing affection. Imagine if the roles were reversed and you were asking for sex:

Dabamf: Honey, I want to have sex.
GF: No. It doesn"t mean anything if you have to beg me for it.
Dabamf: But we don"t have sex often enough...
GF: NO! When you ask me for sex, it makes me not want to do it!

I mean, she wants flowers when you"re going to the grocery? Roll your eyes and get her...something. Humor her. But make an effort to get her something on your own dime.

Dabamf said:

This isn"t any game by me asking whether or not I should do it and what it means. I"m pretty firmly against giving affection on request--on principle. It cheapens it.

Those in long-term relationships, do you have to deal with this, and how do you handle it?

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I don"t get the principle thing - basically, what it boils down to (in my opinion) is that you dig your heals in when she asks, but she"s asking because she wants affection. She"s basically asking for affection and you aren"t giving it to her - you"re witholding it, and that doesn"t sem like a healthy thing to me. So when she seeks affection, she isn"t getting it - she"s getting you digging in your heels and refusing. Of course youCOULD, I suppose, object on principle and do it completely on your dime, but then again, if that"s what you"ve been doing apparently it isn"t enough for her to begin with, or she wouldn"t be asking. I honestly can"t tell you if she is going overboard asking for attention or not, or if you give her enough already, but what"s the harm? If you think you give her plenty already and this bugs you enough to really bother you, I dunno what to say. Lots of men humor their wives. They learn to capitulate over the small things, why fight over that shit? Want affection? Give her affection, and go back to watching football/basketball/whatever.

Ah crap, Erronius fucked up my edit train. But he nailed the point I wanted to expand on that you getting pissed off at her giving you hints that she "Knows you"d never do on your own" isn"t good for you, and makes you the bitch here. How would you feel if you told her "Hey, no teeth on the blowjob next time" and she said "Well, that"s how I always give blowjobs and it"s never been a problem before, I know what men want." It"s kinda the same principle. She"s telling you what she would like from the relationship because she"s comfortable enough with her own self esteem to ask for it. It"s something everyone should do, honestly, but most people just bottle that shit up and feel they can"t talk to their partner about it and then that"s when the breakups start.

Honestly, it sounds like she"s a catch, and you"re clearly stuck in the immature phase. She"s doing the right thing by trying to guide you in the right direction and you"re squandering the advice from a much more experienced woman. Take a step back, swallow your pride and realize you could learn a thing or 2 about a real serious relationship here instead of one that"s based on games and trickery involving how long you have to wait before replying to her texts.