Girls who broke your heart thread

Vatoreus said:

You were a rebound and she was vulnerable. There was probably no actual love involved in the relationship for her and you were just a convenient bandage. Move on bro.

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This is probably the long and short of it man. It sucks but there it is. She probably meant it when she said she didn"t love you, and as cold as it is, may never have really loved you. You just don"t get involved with someone fresh after a serious relationship split, it just doesn"t end well unless they"ve had time to adjust and get over it and it honestly sounds like she didn"t.

Lithose said:

Let me ask. In her last marriage, did she have to work? Or was she allowed to stay at home?

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No she worked for 8 years of the marriage then got laid off and stayed home for 2 years until I hired her.

Picasso said:

How much do you know about her past? whoop nm too slow.

That is movie type shit you"re probably lucky she didn"t kill you for life insurance or something.

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Camerous, man that story sounds brutal and it really sucks it happened like that man, but this cracked me the hell up haha. I hope you can move on and get over it quickly. It sounds like one of the most sickening stories here. Move on and try to cut all contact. As painful as it is now you will be able to look back at it and see that you are much better having gotten rid of her.

Well even more shit has come to light and really explains every thing.

She was addicted to pain meds when she was with her husband. when she got with me I helped her get off them and she had been clean for 8 months. She went 2 weeks ago and got a perc prescription filled behind my back. She took 80 of the 90 in 2 weeks.

I talked to her mom and sister and sure enough 2 weeks ago she stopped talking to them, wouldn"t answer their phone calls any more, and stopped having any thing to do with them. She is strung out atm and is coming off them so she is all fucked in the head. If any of you have been around an addict that was in DTs they do some of the dumbest shit ever.

So now the question becomes do I just wait a few weeks till she gets off them again and try to pick up our lives? Cause I love her more than anything else in my entire life.

Fuck me. Now I don"t know wtf to do.

So now the question becomes do I just wait a few weeks till she gets off them again and try to pick up our lives? Cause I love her more than anything else in my entire life.

Fuck me. Now I don"t know wtf to do.

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I know it"s tempting. Most men are fixers. We want to fix things when they go wrong. But in this case, all you"re likely to do is break yourself in the process. She"s obviously got deep rooted issues, past the addiction problems. You will never be able to have an uncomplicated, harmonious relationship with such a person.

Sorry man

I"d say - do what you think you need to do - If you think its worth a second shot do it. If you don"t don"t. It really isn"t up to this board to give you advice on that specific piece. If you try and it blows up there will be people saying I told you so, and if it works (regardless of how slim that chance is/might be) then perhaps you"re in a better place personally.

This choice/gamble/decision is all yours. Just weigh the pros and cons. If you want to try again just be prepared to potentially deal with dragging the emotional drain another few weeks/months and still have it fail, obviously there is a potential if slim for success.

The advice you"re going to receive on this board will be self-protective emotionally detached advice. You"re living it, unlike the rest of us.

Edit:
Regardless of how cynical in general people are about the capacity for individuals to change or grow it does/can actually happen. And Eomer"s post is probably what you should expect most advice to be from here.

TLDR: This bitch be broke, move on, cut your losses, don"t look back, find a less fucked up broad cause this one is permanently insane will be the majority of replies. (That isn"t to say there isn"t some merit to considering this position but you are the only one who can make the final assessment if this view is correct in regards to this woman or if you"re ready for that to be the ultimate conclusion of her.)

You dodged a bullet, man. Being lost isn"t a reason to step back in front of the gun.

Dandain said:

Edit:
Regardless of how cynical in general people are about the capacity for individuals to change or grow it does/can actually happen. And Eomer"s post is probably what you should expect most advice to be from here.

TLDR: This bitch be broke, move on, cut your losses, don"t look back, find a less fucked up broad cause this one is permanently insane will be the majority of replies. (That isn"t to say there isn"t some merit to considering this position but you are the only one who can make the final assessment if this view is correct in regards to this woman or if you"re ready for that to be the ultimate conclusion of her.)

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Yeah I"m cynical, but the cynicism in this particular case is well supported by this woman"s past. Two previously failed marriages, working on a third, substance abuser, and a financial basketcase.

Yes, none of us other than Cam know about what I"m sure are her many positives, and maybe she really can change. But given that it sounds like she"s in her 40"s and so is Cam, based upon what we"ve been told he needs to weigh the low probability of things actually working out vs. the unfortunate reality that he ain"t getting any younger (I dunno if he wants kids/family), she"s likely set in her ways, and wasting a year or two more of his life on this chick is probably just throwing good time after bad.

Eomer said:

Yeah I"m cynical, but the cynicism in this particular case is well supported by this woman"s past. Two previously failed marriages, working on a third, substance abuser, and a financial basketcase.

Yes, none of us other than Cam know about what I"m sure are her many positives, and maybe she really can change. But given that it sounds like she"s in her 40"s and so is Cam, based upon what we"ve been told he needs to weigh the low probability of things actually working out vs. the unfortunate reality that he ain"t getting any younger (I dunno if he wants kids/family), she"s likely set in her ways, and wasting a year or two more of his life on this chick is probably just throwing good time after bad.

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Again, I wasn"t suggesting ever that your assessment wasn"t right. I was merely trying to paint the singular counter advice to the bulk of what is going to come out of this thread (which I never said was bad advice, but merely that it was one option). It would be simple to just pile on and say the same thing basically every poster will say.

I agree that being with a 3rd marriage 40 year old addict seems like a hell of a tough road to even considering traveling on with a probable terrible outcome. And even though people would say that they"d cut and run at an inkling of that, at certain moments certain folks can be certainly ready to do it different and find success. Not every person who gives something like cams situation another chance fails, even if 99% of them do. The 1% might say it was worth it. That was all I was trying to add to the discussion. It is no way cam"s obligation to take such a path, but it is a potential decision and worth at least putting on the table for even the briefest of moments.

The problem for me is I have never been happier. It wasn"t a lie.. this that is happening now is the lie. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me... and the converse of that is now that this has happened she is the worst. *sighs*

I am gonna give it a few weeks. If I still feel this in love with her then I will see what I can do about trying to fix it. If not then I will be ready to move on any way.

Thanks again all.

Well even more shit has come to light and really explains every thing.

She was addicted to pain meds when she was with her husband. when she got with me I helped her get off them and she had been clean for 8 months. She went 2 weeks ago and got a perc prescription filled behind my back. She took 80 of the 90 in 2 weeks.

I talked to her mom and sister and sure enough 2 weeks ago she stopped talking to them, wouldn"t answer their phone calls any more, and stopped having any thing to do with them. She is strung out atm and is coming off them so she is all fucked in the head. If any of you have been around an addict that was in DTs they do some of the dumbest shit ever.

So now the question becomes do I just wait a few weeks till she gets off them again and try to pick up our lives? Cause I love her more than anything else in my entire life.

Fuck me. Now I don"t know wtf to do.

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Cam: You believe that you love her, but you don"t know this woman. You fell in love with an image -- you perceived the things in her that you wanted to perceive and without even realizing it discarded the rest. This is what we do, as humans.

The chemicals that the brain releases when you become romantically involved with someone last anywhere from 6-9 months, and it"s those same chemicals that keep the wheels of the Rationalization Machine oiled and turning, churning out polished gems such as "she has a bit of a drug problem, but with my help I"m sure she"ll be ok", or "he"s not flirting with those girls, he"s just being friendly".

Right.

Sooner or later that oil runs out and that machine stops churning. It seems that hers, for a variety of reasons, stopped much sooner than yours.

I"m going to echo the advise of others in this thread and say that surrounding yourself with friends and family is the best thing you can do right now. Give yourself some time to calm down and then get your affairs involving her in order. Then will come the really hard part: resisting her efforts to reconnect with you.

She will almost certainly try. You will have to ignore the feelings that you believe you have for her and realize that they"re nothing but carefully constructed, self-inflicted lies. Be honest with her and calmly explain that she would not be a healthy part of your life, wish her luck and move on.

Love exists, but it"s not what you feel during the first 9 months of a relationship. Love is what"s left after the chemical haze has subsided -- it is not some effortless euphoria that lifts you on its wings and never lets you down, it is something that takes work and must be built and maintained from a mutual foundation of trust and respect.

Don"t harp on the fact that your relationship ended. I know these words might ring hollow in your present emotional state, but try and think of this as an opportunity to learn from the mistakes that were made and to use that knowledge to find someone even better. Good luck.

Camerous said:

The problem for me is I have never been happier. It wasn"t a lie.. this that is happening now is the lie. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me... and the converse of that is now that this has happened she is the worst. *sighs*

I am gonna give it a few weeks. If I still feel this in love with her then I will see what I can do about trying to fix it. If not then I will be ready to move on any way.

Thanks again all.

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She stomped on your heart and chopped off your dick without blinking an eye. Why would you even consider going back to that?

Go get therapy and move on with your life.

ToeMissile said:

Ifshe got her shit together, I"d probably give her another chance. But I believe in second chances/I"m a sucker. I"d also give her an ultimatum that if she ever relapsed, it would be over immediately.

That said:

Cam, you don"t need to fix anything, she does. The vast majority, if not all the effort needs to come from her to rectify her mistakes.

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This. Giving ultimatums does not work with addicts. They"ll do the song and dance about never lapsing again, while already thinking about ways to hide their addiction from you.

Regardless of what you do, start securing your finances. You don"t want an addict to have full access to all your savings.

I had a similar situation Cam.

I met this girl while working and we exchanged numbers, but then I never heard from her for about two months. Then out of nowhere I get a text from her and we start talking and really hit it off. Like, exceptional chemistry, 3-4 hour phone calls that felt like 5 minutes, etc.

We started dating and had a lot of fun. On our first date we went out to this little spot on the riverfront that very few people know about, the weather was great and we watched the sun set and the ships pass and shared a bottle of wine. She was really into photography so we"d go urban exploring. We had a blast together and I was really starting to fall in love with her.

A couple of months later she starts being really flaky, suddenly has no time to talk to me or meet up. By sheer chance I happen to meet some friends at a coffee shop a few doors down from her favorite ice cream store and, as I"m leaving, I see her walking out holding hands with some douchebag. Literally, a douche bag. The type that drives a mustang, shaves their head, and wears affliction t-shirts.

I was pretty heartbroken. I mean, I"m throwing around the big L word and she"s casually dating other people like it"s nothing.

In retrospect there were some warning signs. She stated she had been raped a few years ago, plus she was constantly moving to different cities, like at least once a year.

I don"t know what to tell you buddy, there"s no easy way to get over something like that. It took me time, but, it certainly made me a different person. I"m now very cynical about relationships and I don"t trust any woman. I probably never will.

The heart is deceitful above all things.