Jupiter Ascending (2015)
- Thread starter Qhue
- Start date
cabbitcabbit
NeoGaf Donator
- 2,623
- 7,919
"Mila Kunis as Jupiter Jones, a Chipotle manager who possesses"
"Mila Kunis as Jupiter Jones, a Upper class whore who possesses"
"Mila Kunis as Jupiter Jones, a Lenscrafters model who possesses"
"Mila Kunis as Jupiter Jones, an author of Erotic e-books who possesses"
Why the hell would you want a woman, who is that hot but can only get a job mopping and plunging toilets, to rule the universe?
"Mila Kunis as Jupiter Jones, a Upper class whore who possesses"
"Mila Kunis as Jupiter Jones, a Lenscrafters model who possesses"
"Mila Kunis as Jupiter Jones, an author of Erotic e-books who possesses"
Why the hell would you want a woman, who is that hot but can only get a job mopping and plunging toilets, to rule the universe?
Pancreas
Vyemm Raider
- 1,124
- 3,818
Jupiter Ass Ending.
This movie isn't going to suck; It already does. Many have stated how mind blending-ly retarded the trailer is, the only detail they left out was Tatum's elf ears. The moment I saw, "from the creator's of the matrix" I was instantly turned off. The first matrix movie was great, but that was mostly because of the source material, the choreography, the introduction of bullet time and the cinematography. The Watchowski's have shown there is a direct correlation between the level of input they have on a project and the amount that project sucks a giant swinging king kong dong. Like a huge genital pendulum of poor creative choices and shitty dialogue.
It's a shame they keep getting green lighted for this shit.
p.s.
Actually... this movie could have been fucking amazing. If they had done it as a satire of the whole 'chosen one', dramatic, cliched, snooze fest these movies turn out to be. Have the characters just act as bewildered as your typical audience member at the bizzare shit that is constantly going down. Throw in some snarky comments. Play up the fact that everyone knows Sean Bean is going to die, except for Sean Bean of course. Design some aliens that look like they have their ugly bits on their foreheads. And have Milla's character just act annoyed and put out that she even has to be here, saving the universe, dealing with a dumb as rocks "hero" and being forced to dress up like a tree.
So yeah Juptier Ascending should have been a space comedy channeling the spirit of Douglas Adams and not this overly processed tragedy.
This movie isn't going to suck; It already does. Many have stated how mind blending-ly retarded the trailer is, the only detail they left out was Tatum's elf ears. The moment I saw, "from the creator's of the matrix" I was instantly turned off. The first matrix movie was great, but that was mostly because of the source material, the choreography, the introduction of bullet time and the cinematography. The Watchowski's have shown there is a direct correlation between the level of input they have on a project and the amount that project sucks a giant swinging king kong dong. Like a huge genital pendulum of poor creative choices and shitty dialogue.
It's a shame they keep getting green lighted for this shit.
p.s.
Actually... this movie could have been fucking amazing. If they had done it as a satire of the whole 'chosen one', dramatic, cliched, snooze fest these movies turn out to be. Have the characters just act as bewildered as your typical audience member at the bizzare shit that is constantly going down. Throw in some snarky comments. Play up the fact that everyone knows Sean Bean is going to die, except for Sean Bean of course. Design some aliens that look like they have their ugly bits on their foreheads. And have Milla's character just act annoyed and put out that she even has to be here, saving the universe, dealing with a dumb as rocks "hero" and being forced to dress up like a tree.
So yeah Juptier Ascending should have been a space comedy channeling the spirit of Douglas Adams and not this overly processed tragedy.
What issues do you have with the casting? Sean Bean as the wise old mentor? Eddie Redmayne as an evil princeling? Mila Kunis as the sex? Channing Tatum as the muscley action guy/gay sex?
spronk
FPS noob
- 22,668
- 25,767
it just reminds me a lot of cloud atlas, where the trailer looked really cool but then the movie was a whole lot of "uh...wtf..." and a lot of the casting (and the makeup/reuse) was not good. don't get me wrong, i really love the wachowski's and I am a big fan of them taking big risks, but their track record is not good in the last few years and this movie just seems to throw in a whole lot of scifi space opera tropes into a giant blender.
casting wise, again love mila kunis but as a space princess... meh. someone who is more ethereal and supermodel-y (tall, thin, alien-ish) would seem a better fit. sean bean is pretty cliche as the wise old man who dies. channing tat-yum's ears just are too distracting, I'm sick of the movie/tv version of aliens being humans with forehead ridges or pointy ears.
casting wise, again love mila kunis but as a space princess... meh. someone who is more ethereal and supermodel-y (tall, thin, alien-ish) would seem a better fit. sean bean is pretty cliche as the wise old man who dies. channing tat-yum's ears just are too distracting, I'm sick of the movie/tv version of aliens being humans with forehead ridges or pointy ears.
TrollfaceDeux
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
- 19,577
- 3,743
Goatface
Avatar of War Slayer
- 9,300
- 14,357
?Jupiter Ascending? Delayed Until February, 2015
Citing the need to finish extensive special effects, Warner Bros. has delayed the Andy and Lana Wachowski movie ?Jupiter Ascending? from July 18 to Feb. 6, 2015.
Domestic distribution chief Dan Fellman said that the Wachowskis needed more time to complete their work on more than 2,000 special effects shots in the film.
?With the July release date, they were just not going to make it on time,? he added. ?A lot of the issue for us was getting it ready for the international release, since the foreign territories need additional time.?
?Jupiter Ascending? will open against Lionsgate?s ?Mortdecai,? starring Johnny Depp, and Universal?s ?Seventh Son,? starring Jeff Bridges. ?Seventh Son,? produced and financed by Legendary Entertainment, had been delayed multiple times by Warner Bros. before its co-financing deal with Legendary lapsed last year.
Citing the need to finish extensive special effects, Warner Bros. has delayed the Andy and Lana Wachowski movie ?Jupiter Ascending? from July 18 to Feb. 6, 2015.
Domestic distribution chief Dan Fellman said that the Wachowskis needed more time to complete their work on more than 2,000 special effects shots in the film.
?With the July release date, they were just not going to make it on time,? he added. ?A lot of the issue for us was getting it ready for the international release, since the foreign territories need additional time.?
?Jupiter Ascending? will open against Lionsgate?s ?Mortdecai,? starring Johnny Depp, and Universal?s ?Seventh Son,? starring Jeff Bridges. ?Seventh Son,? produced and financed by Legendary Entertainment, had been delayed multiple times by Warner Bros. before its co-financing deal with Legendary lapsed last year.
Nester
Vyemm Raider
- 4,930
- 3,132
- 10,537
- 54,329
So they moved it from the summer release season, where hollywood trots out stuff that the suits assume will be good enough to make money, to February, the time when hollywood dumps all of their shitty movies on the market? Somebody must have finally realized the Wachowski's are a poor bet to make a quality product.
- 25,424
- 37,545
Hollywood studios and exhibitors are trying to change that. Warners released Lego Movie in February, when it opened to a massive $69.1 million. It went on to gross $461.9 million worldwide. Moving a high-profile film used to be considered the kiss of death, but that's no longer the case, although any marketing spend can't be recouped.
Likewise at the 11th hour, Paramount pushed G.I. Joe: Retaliation from its 2012 summer berth to March 2013 with no apparent downside in terms of the movie's performance. The sequel took in $375.7 million worldwide, besting the first G.I. Joe ($302.5 million). In an even more famous move, Paramount pushed back the release of World War Z, which went on to become a global blockbuster.