I get a lot of what you're saying, and duo/three man queue bullying can be pretty annoying. But you said it yourself, aram ISN'T serious, so I find it kind of weird you're trying to force cho into being the tank (i'm aware he was the only one on your team that could) but why? He is viable even just going AP - as you said, he ended up cleaning the enemy team out and you won the game. Now if someone is doing like AP Ashe build yeah, I can understand trying to correct it. But you seem to throw out that aram isn't a big deal/nothing serious but also get bothered when people aren't taking it as serious as you do, or conversely MORE serious than you do. Just kinda comes off like your level of "seriousness" is the only acceptable one, /shrug.
Also, you can see where a TF is porting in fog, but you have to be looking at the spot he's landed on. Plenty of times I've had a TF port near me in a bush inside fog, and it shows you the little ring of cards he's tp'ing to. Once that eye of sauron pops above your head it should alert you he's ulting somewhere and kind of have your head on a swivel. But people will get mad at shit regardless, and almost any assortment of a queue team will gang up on an outsider rather than call out their friends for fucking up. After all, the random is a stranger and it's easier than pointing out mistakes your friend made and risk offending them.
Oh I'm not trying to come off that the way I play is the only way; maybe that is how I am and I'll try to see if i can correct that, but these matches tend to be ones where the team seems to get along at the beginning and you try to strategize, then when you start figuring out what is happening one guy will say, "Yea no, I'm doing this because I can."
The game with Cho for example, I said nothing to, until he started bitching about the fact that my Cait wasn't getting many kills. At that point we asked that if he went tankier he'd be able to initiate and allow me to get beefier, but he essentially said, "No, I'm going AP because fuck you, that's why." Similar to the match with Zilean, where I pinged the map and said to join us so we could go forward en masse but he just bitched. I just don't get it; it's a TEAM SPORT.
ARAM isn't serious, but I feel like an ass if I use it to test out some random ass build. It's not ranked, and the only thing you can lose is extra IP for not winning, but I'm not going to do Lulu AD unless I have the blessing of my group. There are 4 people who are asking you to at least play decently; you don't have to min/max, or 100% conform to a specific meta and hey, take a few nid spears in the face and fine.
The issue is more that 9/10 times the guy who will call you out is probably 1) Wrong and 2) Probably not doing all he could be anyways, so to me it always feels like a, "Huh? You're bitching because my Cait is low on kills but you went AP on Cho when what we needed was a tank? Well maybe I'm a support Cait and I'm just poking everyone low so you can get the kills, yea that's it!" (And maybe that's how I should have spun it, haha)
I don't expect people to play how I do; I duo queue so really I don't say much except to compliment someone honestly. Most of my grumbling happens in skype. But when one of the trolls starts ribbing me, it's a real WTF moment since I guarantee that guy is doing something fucking weird anyways.
As another example, we had an all AP team the other day (Nid, Lulu, LeBlanc, Eve and Anivia) against a team with MF, Vayne, Ashe, Riven and Taric. Three caries, 1 bruiser and a support. Not to mention 3 stuns. We figured we were at a disadvantage but amazingly, the team strategized and agreed Lulu should go AD (She got a penta) and because of my poke (I can actually nid spear like a motherfucker, especially on aram; she's one of my oldest and best chars) we actually almost won. ALMOST; Riven and Taric had too much MR and because of their initiate even if we killed a carry or two they were still alive to push the lane. But it was one of those times when no one gave up, no one afk'd, and we just sucked it up.
And the end we say "GG" and then go to the end; my team, despite the loss, still had a good time because everyone was polite and just believed in the win and we were saying so afterwards. Other team starts INSULTING us - like, what? We said GG, no one insulted them, we complimented them and our own team and suddenly we're just taking abuse. I assume they were angry that they had taken so long to win, but wtf?
Nowadays I feel like the only option is to mute someone immediately at the first sign, because otherwise I just get really angsty.
Edit: As for the TF, yea I'll just have to be more aware. I wasn't expecting it, and TPing into our bushes did nothing for him, except place him firmly between two turrets - didn't seem like a smart move.
Sorry for the wall of text; coming home and doing a few LoLs to unwind isn't really working anymore, lol. I did pick up some Ommegang quad ale so we'll see if that helps improve the situation.