- 363d 4h 18m
When my mother died fifteen years ago I was asked to speak at her memorial. I refused, on the ground that she's not in a position to care, the people important to me knew how I felt, and I was totally disinterested in everyone else. My grief is not for public consumption. I might be an asshole or something, but I have no guilt to this day.Funerals are about the living, not the dead.
LoL my dad taught that too. He also said this once:Happy Father’s Day gentlemen.
My dad is 70 and is a retired carpenter out of Chicago. He was drafted into Vietnam and was a airborne ranger. I never believed his war stories until I met some guys from his unit. Yup they were true.
My dad taught me to fish, start a fire, hit a nail straight, measure twice, swear words are helping verbs, hard work, fuck what other people think, how to change oil/tire and how to cut grass that doesn’t look like dog shit.
But growing up my father was a raging alcoholic. In the 80’s he had a mountain of DUI’s cause then it was just a traffic ticket. He managed to get cleaned up around when I started college.
Or don't show up at all.
Interesting to see so many neutral or even negative stories about people's fathers in this thread. Makes me think about my dad breaking out the fungo bat and doing infield drills with me and my friends or taking me and my brother out fishing and hunting all the time. Always appreciated it, but now it just comes to mind again.
Some of that is a case of people choosing to remember the bad. I could dwell on bad shit too but then I'd be a miserable person. Being a parent is hard. It's not something that can be learned from a manual.
You fuck one pig and...I can remember a few good times with my dad, but it's not "choosing" to remember the bad. It's that the bad far outweighs the good. Nothing is black and white, it's all shades of gray, but if you make shitty decisions more often that not, no one is going to remember you for the time you took that baby bird that fell out of a nest into the animal rescue.
You fuck one pig and...
Time, distance, and growth can give you new perspectives to view what happened in the past. What happened will always remain the same, but knowing why it happened can give you peace about it. The fact that your dad is still alive means there is always hope for reconciliation and better times in the future. You might want to do the frank talk thing once just in case? "Dad, I love you, but you are a raging asshole, which is why you have not been allowed to meet your grandkids. Is that something you could change?"