Marriage and the Power of Divorce

ZyyzYzzy

ZyyzYzzy

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trex said:
were having more kids, a_skeleton_03. ill probably have 12 years total/straight of not getting good sleep.

i danced @a_skeleton_03 and i missed SO much school for it. half of the kids i danced with were homeschooled. i would have been a lot less stressed out if i wasnt constantly shuttled from one activity to the next, constantly doing makeup work, etc. i wasnt even really friends with school kids until i was in late jr high/early high school. the girls i danced with are the only ones i'm still in touch with. my cousins swim and they miss 4+ days of school a month. they have lots of homeschooled kids in the club and their club has 3 practice times a day. the kids can go to all or none of them.

you really have no idea what your talking about. i never had to take a pe class and had a "study hall" as 7th period from 6th grade on so i could leave school 2 periods early to get to dance.

for the 100th time, i dont care if you have someone else raise your kids. all i said is its not for us and im surprised by the number of people who are still having old school sized families with 2 working parents. i think a lot
of people have that biological urge to procreate and dont really think about the kids whole life. my mom never knew what was going on with school, could only make it to half of my in town dance things and was in her own world.

yeah, 4 hours of busy work is very important if you have kids in the traditional school route. you could also have kids that have true reasons to be busy. just a thought. i definitely think the latter will give you a more diciplined, harder working kid, but whatever. youre not killing my dog sending you kids to public school. its not the homework thats busy work, its being at school for 6 hours when they could learn what they need to know in less time.

tons of kids around here are homeschooled. there are tons of gettogethers.

im not saying all daycare kids are brats. im saying daycare kids CAN BE brats and the teachers never seem to care as much as i think they should. theyre doing their job, the kids are safe, but i can gaurentee that if the kids parents were there the child would a. be acting differently or b. be disciplined for acting out.
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Your little aapies aren't going to be athletes. Get tuem a good education, don't worry about the "stress" of practice on them
 
trex

trex

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a_skeleton_03 said:
I would rather my kids spend 4 hours of busy work at school a day (mine don't have any busy work) and be able to handle real life with other adults someday than to take them out of school just to be a hipster.

You are talking to somebody home schooled .... but hey you know better. Go about your life, make fun of people that procreate too much yet start working on your third kid before you even have a plan locked down for your first two. You got this.
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Not making fun of people who procreate too much.

Starting trying for the next when I'm 30. I just turned 26.

Keep talking out your ass a_skeleton_03. We all expect no less.
 
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a_skeleton_03

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trex said:
people have that biological urge to procreate and dont really think about the kids whole life
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trex said:
Starting trying for the next when I'm 30. I just turned 26.
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You are going to be almost 50 when your last kid graduates from high school. Yeah that's really thinking about the kids whole life. Your potential to have an ectopic pregnancy that still kills women leaving your previous two kids with a single parent also increases significantly.

Yeah that's also totally not making fun of people that procreate too much. It's just derisively dismissing them as dumber than you are.

Here are a few more things you might not have thought about other than you being old when your kid finally graduates high school or potentially dead from a complication.

After age 30 the miscarriage rate is 11.7 percent. By age 30 your risk of having a baby with Down syndrome is 1 in 952, and a baby with any chromosomal abnormality, 1 in 385.

University of California Davis Health System found an increased risk of autism in children born to mothers over the age of 30. The study, published in 2010 in the journal Autism Research, found that with every five-year increase in mother's age, the risk of having a child with autism increased by 18 percent. The incidence of autism in the United States is between 1 in 100 and 1 in 110 births. The incidence of autism for California women over the age of 30 was found to be between 3 and 4 per 100 births.

Overall, in your 30s you have about a 15 percent chance of getting pregnant in any single ovulation cycle, according to leading fertility specialist Sherman Silber, director of the Infertility Center of St. Louis at St. Luke's Hospital in Missouri. Your chances of conceiving within a year are about 75 percent. But fertility wanes as you age, so in your late 30s, your chance of getting pregnant within a year drops to 65 percent.
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Please talk down to all of us though with your vast life experience at age 26.
 
trex

trex

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a_skeleton_03 said:
You are going to be almost 50 when your last kid graduates from high school. Yeah that's really thinking about the kids whole life. Your potential to have an ectopic pregnancy that still kills women leaving your previous two kids with a single parent also increases significantly.

Yeah that's also totally not making fun of people that procreate too much. It's just derisively dismissing them as dumber than you are.

Here are a few more things you might not have thought about other than you being old when your kid finally graduates high school or potentially dead from a complication.



Please talk down to all of us though with your vast life experience at age 26.
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a_skeleton_03 you are so fucking annoying and way too concerned with what a complete stranger is doing with her life. I'm not talking down to anyone, in fact I'm the one being talked down to.

I'm sorry, what's wrong with being 50 when my youngest graduates from high school? I really don't get your point. My mom is 56 and runs marathons. I'm the only one in my BF group still in her 20s. And now I'm going to die because my risk of an ectopic pregnancy goes up? Are you retarded? Omg. I just realized. I have an IUD in. That also increases my chances of an ectopic pregnancy! My kids will probably grow up with out a mother. At least I'm worth millions dead.

Did you know that when my kids were 9 week old fetuses, I got a blood test that gave us their entire DNA work up? Do you know you can do that now?

"In your 30s you have a 15% chance of getting pregnant per cycle"...in your 30s...that's ten years. You don't have a 15% chance of getting pregnant when you're 30yr2mo and a 15% chance when you're 39yr8mo. Considering women really only have 20 years of childbearing "your thirties" is half of that. Ideally, I'd like to be finished with my last birth by the time I'm 35-- only if that's okay with you though, a_skeleton_03.
 
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a_skeleton_03

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trex said:
Did you know that when my kids were 9 week old fetuses, I got a blood test that gave us their entire DNA work up? Do you know you can do that now?
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There is nothing you can tell me about pregnancy or how babies work etc that I don't know except how it physically feels.

You came in here and brought it up. We are discussing it. That's how a forum works. This isn't Facebook where you just post your thoughts and expect nobody to comment and if they do you can just delete their comments (not saying you do this just that some do).
 
ZyyzYzzy

ZyyzYzzy

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a_skeleton_03 said:
There is nothing you can tell me about pregnancy or how babies work etc that I don't know except how it physically feels.

You came in here and brought it up. We are discussing it. That's how a forum works. This isn't Facebook where you just post your thoughts and expect nobody to comment and if they do you can just delete their comments (not saying you do this just that some do).
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:emoji_blush:

Facebook mojis.
 
trex

trex

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a_skeleton_03 said:
There is nothing you can tell me about pregnancy or how babies work etc that I don't know except how it physically feels.

You came in here and brought it up. We are discussing it. That's how a forum works. This isn't Facebook where you just post your thoughts and expect nobody to comment and if they do you can just delete their comments (not saying you do this just that some do).
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I am discussing it. What's wrong with me being 50, though I'll probably be 55, when my youngest graduates highschool?

I'm trying to give my body some time to recover. For the last 3 years, next month, I have been either pregnant or breastfeeding. Both for an 8mo period. (Did you just get a boner?)
 
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a_skeleton_03

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trex said:
I am discussing it. What's wrong with me being 50, though I'll probably be 55, when my youngest graduates highschool?

I'm trying to give my body some time to recover. For the last 3 years, next month, I have been either pregnant or breastfeeding. Both for an 8mo period. (Did you just get a boner?)
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I didn't say there was anything wrong with it. I said that I don't think you have looked into it at all. You have pulled an age out of the hat for when you want to have your next kid without any thought as to why except that biological desire to procreate more.

Every person I know that has had a kid over 30 are the kids that are the brats because the parents are too out of touch and too tired to care or understand what their kids are going through. There is a very good reason our bodies start popping kids out so early.
 
Aldarion

Aldarion

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trex said:
Right now, with no further schooling, I could make about $50,000/yr before taxes. What is daycare for 2 kids? $900/kid/mo? That's $21,600/yr-- can't you pay daycare pretax? So now, if I dont have to pay taxes on my daycare money I'm making $28,400/year! That means I now make $13.65/hour before takes...so someone else can watch my kids. That's below minimum wage in Seattle.
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Its odd that trex is getting so much disagreement in this thread. What she is saying here is absolutely correct -- for anyone with more than one kid, where the wife makes less than six figures, it very very rarely makes financial sense for the wife to work.

Trex is correct in pointing out that typically this ends up meaning that one parent works for a net income below minimum wage, all for the privilege of having a stranger raise their kids.

/white knight

Actually, I think we're all just a little defensive about our parenting choices... we have half the board calling the other half lazy and the other half calling the first half bad parents for outsourcing parenting. In the end, both strategies can work. Neither strategy is ruining the kids. Perhaps we can all acknowledge the tradeoffs and not try to pretend like our way is perfect? Yes, there are tradeoffs to outsourcing childraising. Just admit it, daycare lovers. I'll admit there are tradeoffs to a single income stay at home mom, thats for damn sure!
 
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a_skeleton_03

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Aldarion said:
Trex is correct in pointing out that typically this ends up meaning that one parent works for a net income below minimum wage, all for the privilege of having a stranger raise their kids.
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I don't think anyone is suggesting she do it for the money though.

When my wife decided to continue working I told her as long as you bring home $1 in profit it's a win. You are getting the kids involved in something and they are learning because we chose good day care at the time. You are socializing yourself and making long lasting friendships at work. You are accomplishing something there with a career that means something. You enjoy your work and feel fulfilled by it.

The kids, her, and our entire family are better off for her working and not one of the reasons is because of money.

If you are doing it to make money and that alone then maybe it's the wrong choice. If you really think about it and find a job that you want to do then it's a win win for everyone involved.
 
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Aldarion

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a_skeleton_03 said:
I didn't say there was anything wrong with it. I said that I don't think you have looked into it at all. You have pulled an age out of the hat for when you want to have your next kid without any thought as to why except that biological desire to procreate more.

Every person I know that has had a kid over 30 are the kids that are the brats because the parents are too out of touch and too tired to care or understand what their kids are going through. There is a very good reason our bodies start popping kids out so early.
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WTF, who has kids before 30?

I know that used to happen in like 1950. But now?

Biologically you are absolutely correct (although you greatly overestimate the danger of pregnancy issues relative to pre-30 issues). But come on. We're in school until 30 for fucks sake. Its reasonable to put off childbearing until out of school, right?
 
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a_skeleton_03

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My wife had ours when we were 20 and she finished her masters after that.

I didn't overestimate pregnancy issues just stated the numbers. They don't rise crazily around 30 but it is a concern. At 35 though no joke you should think twice.
 
Aldarion

Aldarion

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a_skeleton_03 said:
When my wife decided to continue working I told her as long as you bring home $1 in profit it's a win.
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I love my job. I wouldnt do it for minimum wage. I cannot relate to your statement here at all. They have to pay me to work, and my time is worth more than minimum wage. Its damn sure worth more than $1 in profit. I suggest your wifes time is worth more than that too.

Yeah, you listed the numbers, but not the relative increase. 1 in 900ish risk of downs is still extremely, extremely low, and not much higher than at 25.
 
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a_skeleton_03

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Aldarion said:
I love my job. I wouldnt do it for minimum wage. I cannot relate to your statement here at all. They have to pay me to work, and my time is worth more than minimum wage. Its damn sure worth more than $1 in profit. I suggest your wifes time is worth more than that too.

Yeah, you listed the numbers, but not the relative increase. 1 in 900ish risk of downs is still extremely, extremely low, and not much higher than at 25.
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I work also. If she wants to work and bring home $1 that is fine because I make enough for us to live comfortably on.

The reality is that she makes double what I make. That $1 deal was when she would fly from Germany back to San Diego for a week every month and she was not reimbursed for the plane ticket. It was well worth it for all of us.

We are talking about what a woman or man can do instead of just being stay at home, not a single income family or a family that needs that second income. If he or she is sitting at home doing nothing well then go find something that slightly interests you and if the finances come out at break even levels you are winning because you aren't at home dwelling on your issues and not interacting with society. Your kids are being taught by professionals, and you have expended good energy throughout the day leaving you just the right amount of satisfactorily tired at the end of the night.
 
Khane

Khane

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a_skeleton_03 is right. The reason I can't have kids now is because I'm 34 and forgot what it was like to be a Toddler around age 28. I missed the boat on being able to relate to my children.
 
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Noodleface

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We had our first when I was 30, that was when it was right. That's what people are doing nowadays.

Unless you live in the South and get married when you're 18
 
Izo

Izo

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Khane said:
a_skeleton_03 is right. The reason I can't have kids now is because I'm 34 and forgot what it was like to be a Toddler around age 28. I missed the boat on being able to relate to my children.
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Thank god for Voltaren, eh?
 
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