Marriage and the Power of Divorce

TrollfaceDeux

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Out of curiosity, I asked my wife what her favorite gift was that I had ever given her and she said it was a surprise trip I had planned with stops at several B&Bs.

I said "No, I'm talking about an actual thing I've given you."

She snickered and said "Oh, you know."
Give her a coal.
 

Phazael

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Go with the old standby of flowers. Have them sent to where she works so she can rub it in her coworker's face. BJs will follow.
 
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Khane

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I asked my girlfriend what she wanted for Christmas and she gave me the cop out answer 'all I want is you'. Now I'm stuck in this retarded spot where I know she is going to get me something and I have to figure out a good gift


bah...women

Get her a set of dish towels and a dildo. If she doesn't like the dish towels she can go fuck herself.
 
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Hoss

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I can't win with my wife and gifts, so I'm about to throw in the towel. She is an amazing gift giver, and nothing I ever get her is worth a shit. She gets me things I didn't even know I needed. Last year I got what I thought was the awesomest thing ever, a steampunk keyboard. She liked it, but never even used it.
 

Mrs. Gravy

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What is it that your partners value most...if it is time with you...then arrange a special evening/weekend..if they like their family/friends -arrange a girls day out for her...favorite hobbies..storage or equipment for it or a class to expand her skills....something to remind her of her childhood if it was a happy one...concert tickets for her favorite group...a case of her favorite wine is always good....for both of you.
 
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Hoss

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So, you're saying I should make sex coupons.
 
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Mures

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I can't win with my wife and gifts, so I'm about to throw in the towel. She is an amazing gift giver, and nothing I ever get her is worth a shit. She gets me things I didn't even know I needed. Last year I got what I thought was the awesomest thing ever, a steampunk keyboard. She liked it, but never even used it.
Can't tell if serious...
Does she even play the piano? And often enough she would want a steampunk keyboard?
 

Big_w_powah

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She works from home.

Send her flowers from a "secret admirer" every day from now until Dec 23rd. Act extremely pissed as fuck about who this secret admirer is. You have to play it appropriately.

Act relieved on the 24th, when nothing shows up.

On the 25th, hand her a little note that says something sappy as shit, signed her secret admirer.

BAM, Christmas dinner for her will be dick.
 
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Hoss

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I once sent my cousin's wife lillies for Christmas because I couldn't think of anything to give her, and bitches love flowers. I didn't realize you had to sign your name to the card cause I'm a noob at this shit, so I just wrote "Merry Christmas" and something about seeing her soon (because we were having family Christmas as their place and I paid extra to have these delivered that same day). Well, they upgraded them to roses for me for free. When I arrived, they'd been arguing all morning over who the fuck was sending her roses. Good thing I asked as soon as I got there if she'd gotten my gift yet. It was crazy to watch the tension fall out of the room. Also a good thing I was the first one to arrive so no one else saw it.
 

Big_w_powah

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Married people serious question.

Is it really that hard to get a blowjob?

Not trying to be funny either.

I think its hard in like, years 2-5 or so. A lot of women see blowjobs, imho, as something to please their man into staying but not something they particularly enjoy.

So, dating? Blowjob. Newlywed? Blowjob. No longer newlywed? I got this mofo locked.


After half a decade or so of that shit women realize that anything sexually they are willing to do, they should probably do. Variety is the spice of life and sex does get boring when its the same for years.

At least, thats how it went for me. One day, after a few years of "mouth=off limits" my wife decided to go to town..When I asked her why she was like "shit, its something new, you fucking complaining?"
 
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Omi43221

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Then get someone to recommend a nice vibrator. There has been extensive discussion on good purchases in this thread.

It is funny you say this I actually am interested in getting a vibrator for her. Not that type of vibrator, I am kind of in to giving massages and want to get a heavy duty back massager.

Amazon.com: Jeanie Rub Variable Speed Massager: Health & Personal Care

Bur recent reviews show many are failing. So don't think I should get that. I can't help but think there should be some attachment to a real power tool that would do this better.
 

Hoss

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"1 Free Pegging"

I've been thinking about getting a strap on actually, so I can double penetrate my wife. I think she'd like it, but I'm way to jealous to let another dude near her.

Married people serious question.

Is it really that hard to get a blowjob?

Not trying to be funny either.

Not in my experience. I think you gotta find a girl who genuinely loves giving blowjobs. When I was dating, I had many girls who would suck dick, but you could tell they weren't really into it. They were just doing it because they felt they were supposed to, I guess. I think those are the girls who stop sucking dick once they get a ring. I expressed my concern to my wife, and to convince me, she blew me in the bridal room right after the wedding before we went out for the reception. Sometimes I have to beg for a while (I call that foreplay) but I get BJs at least as often as I get any other kind of sex.
 
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