I haven't been in this thread for what feels like a while, but I need to talk. Shit is pretty bleak.
Backstory - My wife and I have been married for 9 years as of the 28th of last month. A year after marriage, we got a dog. A wonderful pit bull named Baku. He was the shit, and definitely got us prepared (at least a little bit) for the idea of parenthood. Growing up, I never thought much about being a parent. It always sounded like something that wasn't for me. However, between Baku and the love of my wife, things changed. A few years later, she was pregnant. It was unexpected, but not completely. We weren't planning, but we weren't exactly being safe. This was something that "if it happens, great. If not, oh well." While my wife was pregnant, I got in an argument with my father. He was my boss, and has a temper. I did nothing to help this. During the argument, he said "You're fired!" and that was that. I remained unemployed for around 6 months, but stayed on Unemployment Compensation the entire time. It was nice to always be there to help my wife with anything daughter related while first getting started. Though, to be honest, the majority of my time consisted of sitting on our couch playing PS3 while rocking my daughter with my foot. She was the type that unless she was in CONSTANT motion, she cried. I didn't think about it at the time, but this put a lot of stress on my wife. She felt that I wasn't doing anything to contribute. We don't really argue, and have never had a fight, but she told me those were her feelings. After 6 months, I picked up a part time job that gave me plenty of time to still help out around the house, but also gave her some peace of mind.
After another 6 months, (January, 2013) after completing the project I was brought on begin, I went back to work for my father. We had generally a good relationship, and I was brought back with a pay increase and the title of company vice-president. Our family was also doing fantastic, and we decided it was time to move out of our little starter town house, and take on something new. We looked at a place that was a few miles away in a different township that sat on a little over an acre. The house was a lot bigger than our town house. It was stand alone, and was a big fixer-uper. Granted, EVERYTHING worked, but it needed a lot of TLC to become great. I instantly fell in love with the place due to the potential it had. Yes, it would take a big investment over time, but this place was going to be amazing. In addition, there was a LOT more room for our dog to run around in the back yard. He was going to love it. The only down side to this place is that it was on short sale. The owners had moved to Washington state, and were falling way behind on the house payments. The housing market had crashed a year before, and the owners owed more on this place than it was currently worth. They decided that they would eat some of that loss and sell it for a price the bank agreed upon. The stipulation with the bank was that there were NO contingencies allowed. IE - We couldn't put an offer on the place contingent upon selling our house first. Unless we could afford two mortgages at the same time (we couldn't), we had to be completely clear of our loan BEFORE making a bid on this place. It had been on the market for over 200 days with the same plan, so it was unlikely anyone else was jumping for this, so we decided to continue as planned.
A few months later, it was November of 2015. We decided to go on a cruise. Neither of us had ever been on a cruise before, so it was exciting. We chose Carnival because of the excellent daycare program they offer. Before placing our official deposit on the cruise, my wife's parents stepped in and said that they had never been to Hawaii before, and would pay the difference if we decided to go there instead. That was a no brainer. Hell yeah we'll go to Hawaii! We came home on December 7th. The trip was perfect in every way. The hotel was great, the weather was great, the people were great. We loved the area in general. Everything about it was perfect. A few weeks after coming back home, there was a huge blizzard. We received around 34" of snow. To be honest, winters in Pennsylvania appeared to get longer and longer. As a kid, I remember enjoying all 4 seasons. Summer was fun, but it was never long enough (of course). And the winter now accounted for 5-6 months of the year. It started getting cold in October. Some years you would be lucky. Others, you would be winter jacket time. We've even had a few "first blizzard of the season" take place BEFORE Halloween. It would suck walking our costumed daughter around to see relatives and some neighbors in the snow.
This snow storm planted an idea in our head. Maybe we wouldn't move a few miles away. Instead, we would move to Hawaii. My wife moved to America from Japan, and she did fine. Surely, I could be courageous enough to do the same thing. So we started making plans to leave the state while still looking at this other place a few miles away. At the advice of our real estate agent, we had a LOT of work to do around the house to make it perfect to list. And we did EVERYTHING. This house was completely different than the place we moved into. Every room had been redone in some form. I did all of the work myself, and had a great time learning all about it in the process. After all the work and money we put into the place, we knew we were going to sell for a lot. We purchased the place for $198k, but were planning on listing it at $240k. We would take a loss of around $20k for all of the work we had done over the years, but it was worth it for this new opportunity. My mother also agreed to let us stay in her new house after we sell our place. This would give us some cushion until we purchase a new house. That was a relief. But we still looked ahead to what could be in Hawaii.
A few months later, we were putting the finishing touches on our house and getting ready to list it. We had decided 100% we're moving to Hawaii. Manami told her work that she was leaving (not telling them where), and I told both of my parents that I was going to move out of state. It was really hard to say. My mother freaked out. "You're going to fail!" She didn't want us to leave because I'm her only child and Natsumi is her only grand child. My father was disappointed, but he understood. The family business wasn't doing too hot lately. He had told me more than a few times that he would hate to see us destitute if the business goes under and we had a new house to worry about paying for. This was also a motivating factor in being able to leave the state. At the end of March we decided to fly back out to Hawaii and start apartment shopping. Natsumi stayed in PA with my dad and we came over. We needed to find a place that was not only pet friendly, but willing to accept a pit bull. This was a real challenge. We found a few places that would work though, and planned to put a deposit on one of them. A week after coming back home, we were having a moving sale. We noticed that day that my dog was putting on some weight and was in a little pain. We took him to the vet and they said there was a tumor in his chest that had ruptured, and he was bleeding out internally. He was going to die and it wasn't going to be pretty. They could do a $3,000 operation, but that would only extend his life a month or two at best.
We decided to take him home and have a vet come to our house the following day to put him to sleep. This was one of the hardest things we had ever done, and the entire family cried. Baku was the best, but we couldn't save him. However, turning lemons into lemonade, his death became a relief in the most morbid way possible. This allowed us to look for ANY apartment in Hawaii, and not just settle for what we had chosen but not yet put a deposit on. Being a nurse, Manami was able to quickly find a job. She applied to a bunch of hospitals out here, and all of them were interested. I, on the other hand, have never needed a resume before. This was going to take some time. I applied to a bunch of places from Craigslist, letting them know the exact day we would move to Hawaii (June 2nd), but the only place to respond was a life insurance company that wanted me to sell for them. They also wouldn't guarantee a job until after they spoke to me in person. This was going to be difficult, but we moved to Hawaii and I was unemployed once more. I remained unemployed for a while, too. From June until the 5th of September. After having no luck at all with craigslist (and not liking the life insurance company), I decided to go to a staffing agency. They found me a job the next day working at a place that sold higher end bathroom equipment. My job would be sales driven, but not on a commission basis. I would make the same amount if I sold 1 thing or if I sold 100. Fortunately, this was natural for me, and I sold so many products. It became really easy to develop an emotional connection with customers and give them solutions for the pain they were experiencing. Or help design dream bathrooms for people that were remodeling.
I worked at this store for 7 months before being terminated. It was a complete surprise. I'm a white guy, but in Hawaii, I'm a minority. Half of the population is Asian. Around 15-20% is native Hawaiians. Around 25% is white people, and everyone else takes what's left over. I was a minority at the store I worked for. The only white employee. Everyone else was Asian, and all but one other guy had always lived in Hawaii. One of my co-workers was a 25 year old, and he stopped showing up for work one day. No calls or anything, just not showing up. He remained out of the store for 5 days before he suddenly appeared back again without a word as to why he was gone except "I was sick". He was fired a few days later. They also moved me into his schedule of working Saturdays, which I had never done previously unless asked by a co-worker. However, they never actually TOLD me that I was being moved to Saturday. I drove into work one morning and my boss told me that I had off that day, and I was to now work on Saturday instead. Every Saturday. I was a little annoyed, after driving an hour to get in, but I took the day off and did some stuff. Over the next 2 months, I worked most Saturdays. I say most, because I had made plans prior to the shift in schedule, and I didn't want to break my plans. I told my employer and all of my coworkers that I would be out for these two Saturdays, but continued working. After the 2nd day off, I was working the following week. About 5 minutes before the end of our day, the company owner called up and told me that I was terminated right then. They never told me an actual reason, but I assume it was because I wasn't available for every weekend after they pushed that schedule upon me. This was Saturday, April 29th. I've been unemployed ever since, but not collecting any compensation. I've been looking for work unsuccessfully. I've debated going to school, but shot that down due to the time commitment. I've looked at starting an online business, but couldn't figure out what I was going to sell, so that also became moot. I spend my days applying to places online (craigslist or other) and rarely hearing back. I do on average, 15-20 applications every day. Every interview I've had has gone extremely well, but the employers ultimately turn me down because I have no official education. My past experience doing the same type of position doesn't matter unless they see a degree or certificate.
Shortly before being terminated, we discovered that my wife is pregnant again. It's going to be a boy this time. Awesome, I'm happy. My daughter can't wait to have a little brother, and to become a big sister herself. However, I'm unemployed again and this has put more stress on my wife once more. I assure her that everything will be okay and I'll find work soon, but it hasn't been going well. I could always find a job making minimum wage somewhere (earning some income), but I resist the idea because I'm worth more than that. I have more than enough skills and experience to justify a higher position, not to mention I'm trying to fall on a work schedule that would accommodate the family. My wife works nights, so I can't get a job at night. Someone NEEDS to be home for my daughter. So I'm trying only daytime positions. I've been searching for work unsuccessfully for 2 months now, and there's always possibility, but I'm told no at the last minute.
A week ago, my wife told me that she was unhappy and wanted a divorce. She feels that I'm not doing enough for the family, and it's very stressful for her. She also keeps thinking back to me sitting on the couch playing PS3 when my daughter was first born and doesn't want this to happen again. She wants it peaceful, but she feels that if she just lets it go, even if I find a job, she will be betraying herself. In the past week, I've taken it upon myself to have a new outlook on our marriage. I must have taken her for granted in the past, but I've stopped. I'm going out of my way to do all of the house tasks that I can (I'm not a good cook, so making lunch and dinner is still on her). Then today, she told me that she still wants a divorce. The end. She wants to do it friendly. She thinks I'm a great father, so we should share custody, but she wants out. And I can't seem to talk her into changing her mind. I suggest that we seek couples counseling, but she isn't interested. She just wants us to end, and that's it. I have no idea what the fuck to do right now.
