Brad2770
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Only trying to interject into the things I feel she is failing. Which is why I posted the text messages. She admitted he could do better. Immediately shot down my first suggestion without trying it.
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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Only trying to interject into the things I feel she is failing. Which is why I posted the text messages. She admitted he could do better. Immediately shot down my first suggestion without trying it.
actually she said that he could do better, not that she is failing. She even later on said that yeah he could do better, as in everyone could always do better, unless they are perfect. It was a loaded question and you know it.
When it comes down to it, you want the best for your kid, but you need to focus on the places where you can do something about it unless asked.
Brad2770
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The kid has been straight A’s the last 6 grades. Now he isn’t. He isn’t doing everything he can. Agree or disagree?
Tarrant
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How the hell should we know man?
What isn’t helpful though is being that parent that automatically assumes their kid should be strait A’s and that’s that. That’s now how life works.
Try talking to your kid, see if there’s an underlying issue instead of just thinking the kid is lazy and your ex wife sucks at parenting.
You’re so hostile and angry with your ex still after all these years that frankly makes me sad for your kid.
What isn’t helpful though is being that parent that automatically assumes their kid should be strait A’s and that’s that. That’s now how life works.
Try talking to your kid, see if there’s an underlying issue instead of just thinking the kid is lazy and your ex wife sucks at parenting.
You’re so hostile and angry with your ex still after all these years that frankly makes me sad for your kid.
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Brad2770
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How the hell should we know man?
There are assumptions made in here, for example:
“You come off as someone trying to manage from the outside, when really all she wants is for you to talk to him and stress how important it is to listen to her”
How the hell would he know?
What isn’t helpful though is being that parent that automatically assumes their kid should be strait A’s and that’s that. That’s now how life works.
Try talking to your kid, see if there’s an underlying issue instead of just thinking the kid is lazy and your ex wife sucks at parenting.
I have had several talks with my kid. I know he is capable of straight A’s because he was doing it in previous grades in advanced learning classes. I warned him that things would get tougher and he would have to put forth more effort. I warned his mom. And assuming my kid is lazy?! I KNOW my kid is lazy and that he needs to be pushed harder.
You guys are fucking softies. I know everyone of you know your kids far too well. I would be willing to bet you know what they are thinking a majority of the time just by their stupid facial expressions. I know what needs to be done to remedy this.
You’re so hostile and angry with your ex still after all these years that frankly makes me sad for your kid.
Really? I would say that’s a fair assumption , but you’re wrong. What exactly makes you think I’m hostile and angry just because I’m not super sweet to my kid’s mom? I care for her well being and her family’s well being. I don’t care about her feelings. I do not have to make sure she is happy. Jesus Christ man....
There are assumptions made in here, for example:
“You come off as someone trying to manage from the outside, when really all she wants is for you to talk to him and stress how important it is to listen to her”
How the hell would he know?
What isn’t helpful though is being that parent that automatically assumes their kid should be strait A’s and that’s that. That’s now how life works.
Try talking to your kid, see if there’s an underlying issue instead of just thinking the kid is lazy and your ex wife sucks at parenting.
I have had several talks with my kid. I know he is capable of straight A’s because he was doing it in previous grades in advanced learning classes. I warned him that things would get tougher and he would have to put forth more effort. I warned his mom. And assuming my kid is lazy?! I KNOW my kid is lazy and that he needs to be pushed harder.
You guys are fucking softies. I know everyone of you know your kids far too well. I would be willing to bet you know what they are thinking a majority of the time just by their stupid facial expressions. I know what needs to be done to remedy this.
You’re so hostile and angry with your ex still after all these years that frankly makes me sad for your kid.
Really? I would say that’s a fair assumption , but you’re wrong. What exactly makes you think I’m hostile and angry just because I’m not super sweet to my kid’s mom? I care for her well being and her family’s well being. I don’t care about her feelings. I do not have to make sure she is happy. Jesus Christ man....
Tarrant
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We don't know for sure, we are saying that's how you come off. We aren't giving absolutes like you are, just how things appear when you point a picture. There's a stark difference there, but your defensiveness isn't allowing you to see it.
Bottom line man, your issues with your ex will never be solved because you are stuck in a "my way is the only way" mentality. She knows this about you too and she has this same discussion with her friends too. "Fucking Brad texted me, look how much of a dick he is" is something I'd wager is a thing. Maybe not, I can't say for certain, but were you my ex wife (weird scenario I know) I'd sure as hell think it.
What makes me think you're hostile with your ex? You flat out said you save your texts to throw in her face later.
THROW IN HER FACE LATER.
Your words, not mine. That's not anything other than hostile behavior.
Again, you're a stubborn, prideful person. Your texts to her earlier, regardless of if you're right or wrong, come off as condescending, as if shes a child too. Your relationship with her will never be better than what it is now, and maybe worse over the years with that continuing, and you had better be certain your son will pick up on those hostilities and grow to resent her, you, or both of you as they grow up.
Omi43221
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I have an ex with clearly a much worse relationship than you have, I think you are totally in the right here and I still think you are acting like an ass.
Your ex clearly doesn't care if your son gets straight A's , she thinks it's okay if your son gets A's and B's. This does not make your ex a horrible person.
This whole setting your ex up to blame her, she can clearly feel you doing this. It's not helping and will only create more friction.
Just my 2 cents but this is what I would do. You need to own that this is what you really want. (Which is fine.) and not try to force your ex into corner where she has to make a statement that supports what you want. 1. I would apologize for blaming her. 2. Explain to her why it's important to you. 3. Acknowledge that she sees things different than you and that her way is just as valid as yours. 4. Despite not seeing things your way can she : your list of ideas for improving/creating better behaviors in your son.
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Ridas
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Maybe your kid is no genuise and straight As is too much to ask of him. Maybe talk to his teachers and see how well he does in school. Maybe he is motivated, does his homework and learns for tests, but that yeilds him Bs and thats just how it is, unless you want his life to resolve around getting As only.
This is not meant as an insult or anything, but do you think you evaluate your kids ability honestly? Good chance I am completely on the wrong tracks here, but it is something that caught my eye as an outsider.
This is not meant as an insult or anything, but do you think you evaluate your kids ability honestly? Good chance I am completely on the wrong tracks here, but it is something that caught my eye as an outsider.
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People with the best grades while in education with me got medium incomes & bad career perspectives.
Plenty of people graduate with great grades and zero social skills. I think 80% of the people with a master in criminology in Belgium work in a call center or similar.
Help your kid with his homework. Help him pass school and learn skills that are valuable. Better a good electrician then a shitty lawyer.
Plenty of people graduate with great grades and zero social skills. I think 80% of the people with a master in criminology in Belgium work in a call center or similar.
Help your kid with his homework. Help him pass school and learn skills that are valuable. Better a good electrician then a shitty lawyer.
Hoss
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Brad2770
It looks to me like neither of you wants to be the bad guy and Crack the whip on the kid. Plus you're badgering her to Crack the whip more.
Why the fuck is my phone auto capitalizing Crack? Whatever, back to the topic.
From my experience it's common for Jr high to be harder than elementary. My daughter went from As in elementary to Bs in Jr high to barely passing high school. Talked to teachers and counselors (not just hers but we have lots of educators in the family) and it's very common. Elementary is easy. Getting As in elementary means nothing except you turned in work.
Having said all that if the decline continues you should look at non scholastic causes. Maybe the kid is getting bullied. Maybe he's having a hard time coping with the divorce. My daughter needed counseling to deal with her issues. But 6th grade is probably too early to start that shit unless there's something obvious.
Find out what he thinks of his teachers.
Dandai
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I had terrible grades (GPA was like 2.3 iirc) and no social life (thanks EQ!) and at 33 am very comfortable financially. Hell, when I was 21 even got accepted into West Point [I had to do a year at the prep school where I got straight As and had a social life! I was almost top graduate but some tryhard fucker got like a 4.2 or something. I didn’t care THAT much.]
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People who send their kids to undergrad private schools without scholarships are crazy. Even if your kids want to go on to graduate school, where you do your undergrad isn't a big consideration. Do well in your undergrad at a state school, your options are wide open. And then you can come out of undergrad with no debt.
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Arative
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I've already started 529 plans for both my kids and I'm going to push them to go to the local community college for the first two years to get all the bullshit courses out of the way, so hopefully they come out of college debt free. Of course its STEM or nothing!
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Tarrant
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Where you seeing that? I work admissions at Michigan State and that’s not an issue with us at all.
Animale
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As a university professor (chemistry) I'd recommend NOT doing this for anybody in a technical field. The big advantage of the first couple of years when the "bullshit" courses are being taught is that you are able to form an intellectual/educational/social community of peers that you then draw upon when you hit the more demanding higher level courses. If you miss those opportunities (either through AP or transfer credits) then you don't have that peer network formed, making it all the more difficult to learn the more advanced stuff. Now some folks can do it all on their own, but they are the exception.
Anecdotal evidence - in my department over the past 7 years we've had 100-ish community college transfer students as chemistry majors. Only 5 graduated as chemistry majors. One of them worked in my lab, and he struggled pretty mightily. He only made it because my graduate students became his intellectual network, otherwise he was all on his own since it was exceedingly difficult to break into the already formed social groups.
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