Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Grabbit Allworth said:

It's perfectly acceptable for women to raise similar concerns, but when a man does it we need to stop the presses to vilify him. It's such a double standard that when women do irrational things because their needs aren't being met, the crazy shit they do is celebrated.

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So your are arguing that you should be allowed to behave like a woman and not get criticized? What everyone here is telling you is to be a man, I was just tougher about it because I think you need the negativity to snap you out of this path you are rationalizing for yourself.

And no, I know you did not come here for permission to cheat. You have already made that decision (I hope it is the right one) and came here to validate that choice that has already been made in your mind. If I am rude, it is because I am trying to be helpful and get through to you. I don't think the soft approach is going to give you the perspective you are asking for, but simply reinforce what you already believe. I was over the top on purpose to break through your confirmation bias. Men need a friend to smack them around every once in a while to get their head screwed on straight. Lack of that is what has led to the whole soy boy open marriage generation that is probably going to doom the fucking planet. I am being mean because I am trying to help and I hope you understand it, if not appreciate it.

You don't have to answer these questions (I do not expect you to) but there are three things that come to mind about your situation that we DON'T have specifics on:
1) Did you really delete those nudes and how quickly did you do so?
2) What was your actual motivation to tell the wife about them and how long after getting them did you tell her?
3) What exactly is it that you think is missing from your intimate life that you think some other woman might somehow provide?

Simply answering those questions to yourself will probably accomplish what you came here for, honestly.

Grabbit Allworth said:

Lendarios,

I took this just before I got in the shower today. Bad lighting, no filter, no pump, and I only took the one picture..I'm 6'..~200 lbs at 13-14% bodyfat.

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Dude your mirror is disgusting. Clean that shit. Second get new briefs. Third try a leg day at the gym. Fourth, your wife probably wants you to dominate her.

Next time she says you won't get anything, surprise her by busting out tape or restraints and saying yes you will. See how she responds.

Grabbit Allworth said:

I don't agree that I'm behaving like a woman given the reality of my situation. We'lll just agree to disagree there.

I do appreciate the rest of the hard line you took. I needed it and it helped. I do the same to my own friends occassionally.

Q1: I told my wife the day after I received them and gave her the option of looking at them. She declined and I deleted them. So, 24 hours max.

Q2: To make her jealous and elicit some sort of emotional response. Rest of it answered in Q1.

Q3: A genuine appreciation for the attention I give, some measure of reciprocity, and a bit of enthusiasm while doing it.

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Ok, let me preface this by saying this is not a troll but a serious attempt to help.
You ARE acting like a woman right now. Others have pointed out the specifics, but it boils down to making us guess what the problem is and that most of your issues with the wife boil down to wanting her to take charge and be more assertive, when it sounds like (based in the vagaries of this medium) that she is wanting the same from you. Two woman do not make a functioning relationship, which is why lesbians are always angry (Mist can confirm). Also, relationships change over time, because people change over time. You need to let this truth sink in and look at your situation more objectively, rather than emotionally. Again, more like a man. Not a criticism, because I am an emotional bitch myself over many things. But you need to recognize it and get a lid on it. Thats why I think counseling is a good idea, because you present all the symptoms of a midlife crisis and a lot of the bored housewife tropes. Again, I am not trolling. Your inability to comminicate the issue here likely is the root of your real life marriage woes and you should get some help with that. Now on to specifics:

1) A great man would have deleted them instantly and quietly told the sender "I am flattered, but I am married. Sorry ma'am". An ok man would have broken off all contact with said thot and kept the nudes in the archives to rub one out down the road when getting through a rough patch. You used the pictures to gaslight a woman you claim to respect. Not a good move.

2) Yeah, not a healthy choice and speaks to personal selfishness. This is literally shit women pull when they want to win an argument and why I keep making the point that you are acting like the woman in your marriage. This speaks to the next part.

3) She has stated that you are the woman in your marriage. You have heard the same from several of us. Consider in the fingerbang scenario you described if you had responded by saying "We'll see about that" taken charge and just driven the point home figuratively and literally. Based on what little you have given us to work with here, I feel safe in saying that she is all but begging you to take charge and be a man. If you want her appreciation and some excitement, you need to step up and do that, in my opinion. As pointed out, you already mentioned some rough stuff happens in the bedroom and that's just another signal for whats missing from her direction. Woman will never tell you exactly what they want or need. Thats life, so tough shit. But they are also not going to shower appreciation on a guy who is needy and seemingly incapable of asserting his role as the man in the house. Khane might be able to better judge and articulate this, but what you want is there if you will be a man and fucking take it.

What you have right now is a long term slow spot in your marriage because one or both of you got complacent and slipped out of their lane. Everything you have related suggests at least half of that is on you for not being assertive enough and it seems she has even given you direct statements to this effect. If you want to get the enthusiasm you had 20 years ago, then you need to be that guy again, at least for a while. But as I said, in 8-10 years when your T levels drop off this shit won't matter anymore anyhow, if you make it through this patch.

Whatever you end up doing, be upfront about it with her and everyone else. Even if you are taking a sledge hammer to your life. You might not have to live with her forever, but you do have to live with yourself.

Grabbit Allworth said:

I'm not sure what you're seeing on the mirror, maybe lens flare from the sun? There's absolutely nothing on the mirror. My legs are fine. The picture isn't flattering. Not that I'm suggesting I have tree trunks. I've had three spinal fusions and I do what I can without making things worse.

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I do photography. That's not lens flare you Savage. That's most likely from toothpaste when brushing your teeth. Own your shit and grab the Windex.

Yeah really, the sink and toiletries are immaculate for fucks sake. My wife uses so much fucking body powder that our sink looks like the end of Scarface and that's with me cleaning that sink regularly. I envy the state of that tile bathroom, honestly.

Pic was unnecessary.


Make up a safe word, tell your wife, tell her next time you are going to have a discussion you are going to rape her unless she says the safe word.


See where that takes you.