Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Gavinmad · Dec 27, 2020

Ossoi said:
How should I have handled it basically?

Ossoi said:
Eventually she passed out in bed with her clothes on, and we had sex in the morning.

You should have thrown her out after the first night you thirsty fuck.

Soygen · Dec 27, 2020

Ossoi said:
How should I have handled it basically?

Get in a time machine and go back to whatever point lead you to this situation. Try again.

Foler · Dec 27, 2020

Ossoi said:
At 5am last night I had to call Police in order to get the girl I spent Xmas with to leave my airbnb.

Since August I've been travelling overseas every 4-6 weeks to see a friend I'm very close to - the Dominatrix. She hosts monthly fetish parties and I've made a number of friends here from attending them.

I met this girl at the first one, then we hooked up after the last party in November got cancelled. She suggested meeting up anyway, the party went ahead with like 10 people and she came back to my apartment after, then came back a few days later.

As there was a high chance of a Xmas/NYE party we made plans to spend Xmas together, and NYE then spend a few days after NYE together.

I usually spend Xmas alone as I'm not close to my father or sister. She by all accounts has had a rough life (alcoholic father), doesn't spend it with her mother, so I wanted to make it special for both of us.

Anyway, she got to my place at 9pm on Xmas Eve and we ate dinner. By midnight she was saying the chemistry wasn't the same and could I get any cocaine. By 1am-2am she was saying I don't care about her, how I'm more interested in the Dominatrix than her.

By 3am she was knocking plates off the table. I went to bed because I was trying to freeze her out, she alternated between coming in to cuddle up to me and apologise and then going back to living room and shout/cry and knock stuff around. By this point she'd drank 75% of a 500ml whiskey bottle. And I hid the kitchen knives and laptop before I went to bed.

Eventually she passed out in bed with her clothes on, and we had sex in the morning.

Xmas day she was hungover, apologetic and fine.

Last night she was back on the whiskey and predictably got emotional again. She wasn't breaking stuff but kept saying I don't care about her, how she means nothing to me, how I care about the Dominatrix again and basically seeking re-assurance. She wanted me to join her on the balcony for a smoke, move to her on sofa for a hug etc

My response was "actions speak louder than words, if you think I don't care after I've travelled 900 miles, bought and cooked all the food, rebooked my flights and risked being stuck here, then I can't change your mind and I won't tell you what you want to hear"

I basically refused to jump through her hoops eg "come for cigarette with me"#

This (unnecessary repetitive conversation with someone who is drunk and expressing all their insecurities) went on for like 3-4 hours, and by 5am I'd had enough and wanted to go to bed without having to sleep with one eye open.

The whole night she kept saying "why are you mad, I'm not breaking stuff tonight" - but it felt like she had the impulse to and was keeping them in check. So I hid the knives/laptop again and put the last bottle of coke in the freezer so she'd have no mixer to keep drinking with.

She lives an hour away and I know she has friends in the Capital, so I said "find somewhere to stay because I'm calling Police as I don't want you here"

When I got on phone to police she realised I was serious, started crying, telling me she loved me (lol) and begging me to let her stay. After forty minutes they hadn't arrived so I called them back, and this was the trigger for her to leave.

I told her it was over because I won't invest more time, money and energy in someone who has an alcohol problem. She's now messaging our mutual friends asking to be unblocked.

Clearly a long distance relationship with someone who turns psycho because they have an alcohol problem is a non starter, and I have no regrets about ending it.

BUT, AITA for not jumping through her hoops, for not telling her what she wanted to hear last night? eg, if I had just said "of course I care about you silly, come here" and put my arm around her, would this have been averted?

I also feel a bit shitty about basically kicking her out. She was on phone to a friend and I understand enough of her language to know she asked for his address. As soon as she left I asked her best friend to check on her, explained what had happened. But he said he had also had enough.

The Dominatrix also didn't understand why I called Police because she was "emotional", but then she spoke to another friend about her who said he "fully understoodd me" because he was with her at an afterparty and had to watch the knives for four hours because she was talking seriously about killing someone

How should I have handled it basically?

So you traveled a long way, made food, etc etc for some girl you met at a fetish party and these results surprise you? You simped out.

Cynical · Dec 27, 2020

Ossoi said:
How should I have handled it basically?

Learn to love the crazy, or your in for a bad time. I'm 100% serious and speaking from experience, not knocking you down. I'd give you the advice to stop wasting your time and find more normal women, but each and every one of us has to learn this shit the hard way.

Ossoi · Dec 27, 2020

Gavinmad said:
You should have thrown her out after the first night you thirsty fuck.

Fair point, although that would have meant being alone on Xmas day in a foreign capital with a fridge full of food and a flight home that isn't until 8th of January. A place where I have one "real" friend that I can spend time with outside of a party environment and a bunch of other acquaintances I only know from the parties. That real friend being a) in a relationship of her own b) back home for Xmas, the gyms are shut and it's circa -1 / 0 / +1 degrees outside

Yeah, I tried to salvage the Xmas weekend and the planned NYE weekend, and it backfired.

The only question I have left is whether sometimes the best thing to do is just tell women what they want to hear for sake of an easy life.

Foler · Dec 27, 2020

Maybe we would be more understanding if you shared pics of her. That way we would have more context.

Gavinmad · Dec 27, 2020

Ossoi said:
Fair point, although that would have meant being alone on Xmas day in a foreign capital with a fridge full of food and a flight home that isn't until 8th of January. A place where I have one "real" friend that I can spend time with outside of a party environment and a bunch of other acquaintances I only know from the parties. That real friend being a) in a relationship of her own b) back home for Xmas, the gyms are shut and it's circa -1 / 0 / +1 degrees outside

Yeah, I tried to salvage the Xmas weekend and the planned NYE weekend, and it backfired.

The only question I have left is whether sometimes the best thing to do is just tell women what they want to hear for sake of an easy life.

I mean you don't need to go fishing for a virgin tradwife just yet, but maybe stop using sex parties to meet women and expecting them to be anything other than trainwrecks.

Soygen · Dec 27, 2020

Ossoi said:
The only question I have left is whether sometimes the best thing to do is just tell women what they want to hear for sake of an easy life.

Sometimes you tell your wife, who is not a cokehead whore, what they want to hear. Wife and not being a cokehead whore are the key things here. You're putting way too much thought into what should basically be a one night stand.

ZyyzYzzy · Dec 27, 2020

Ossoi said:
At 5am last night I had to call Police in order to get the girl I spent Xmas with to leave my airbnb.

Since August I've been travelling overseas every 4-6 weeks to see a friend I'm very close to - the Dominatrix. She hosts monthly fetish parties and I've made a number of friends here from attending them.

I met this girl at the first one, then we hooked up after the last party in November got cancelled. She suggested meeting up anyway, the party went ahead with like 10 people and she came back to my apartment after, then came back a few days later.

As there was a high chance of a Xmas/NYE party we made plans to spend Xmas together, and NYE then spend a few days after NYE together.

I usually spend Xmas alone as I'm not close to my father or sister. She by all accounts has had a rough life (alcoholic father), doesn't spend it with her mother, so I wanted to make it special for both of us.

Anyway, she got to my place at 9pm on Xmas Eve and we ate dinner. By midnight she was saying the chemistry wasn't the same and could I get any cocaine. By 1am-2am she was saying I don't care about her, how I'm more interested in the Dominatrix than her.

By 3am she was knocking plates off the table. I went to bed because I was trying to freeze her out, she alternated between coming in to cuddle up to me and apologise and then going back to living room and shout/cry and knock stuff around. By this point she'd drank 75% of a 500ml whiskey bottle. And I hid the kitchen knives and laptop before I went to bed.

Eventually she passed out in bed with her clothes on, and we had sex in the morning.

Xmas day she was hungover, apologetic and fine.

Last night she was back on the whiskey and predictably got emotional again. She wasn't breaking stuff but kept saying I don't care about her, how she means nothing to me, how I care about the Dominatrix again and basically seeking re-assurance. She wanted me to join her on the balcony for a smoke, move to her on sofa for a hug etc

My response was "actions speak louder than words, if you think I don't care after I've travelled 900 miles, bought and cooked all the food, rebooked my flights and risked being stuck here, then I can't change your mind and I won't tell you what you want to hear"

I basically refused to jump through her hoops eg "come for cigarette with me"#

This (unnecessary repetitive conversation with someone who is drunk and expressing all their insecurities) went on for like 3-4 hours, and by 5am I'd had enough and wanted to go to bed without having to sleep with one eye open.

The whole night she kept saying "why are you mad, I'm not breaking stuff tonight" - but it felt like she had the impulse to and was keeping them in check. So I hid the knives/laptop again and put the last bottle of coke in the freezer so she'd have no mixer to keep drinking with.

She lives an hour away and I know she has friends in the Capital, so I said "find somewhere to stay because I'm calling Police as I don't want you here"

When I got on phone to police she realised I was serious, started crying, telling me she loved me (lol) and begging me to let her stay. After forty minutes they hadn't arrived so I called them back, and this was the trigger for her to leave.

I told her it was over because I won't invest more time, money and energy in someone who has an alcohol problem. She's now messaging our mutual friends asking to be unblocked.

Clearly a long distance relationship with someone who turns psycho because they have an alcohol problem is a non starter, and I have no regrets about ending it.

BUT, AITA for not jumping through her hoops, for not telling her what she wanted to hear last night? eg, if I had just said "of course I care about you silly, come here" and put my arm around her, would this have been averted?

I also feel a bit shitty about basically kicking her out. She was on phone to a friend and I understand enough of her language to know she asked for his address. As soon as she left I asked her best friend to check on her, explained what had happened. But he said he had also had enough.

The Dominatrix also didn't understand why I called Police because she was "emotional", but then she spoke to another friend about her who said he "fully understoodd me" because he was with her at an afterparty and had to watch the knives for four hours because she was talking seriously about killing someone

How should I have handled it basically?

Maybe you should try spending holidays with your family and trying to be close to them instead of being an absolute moral degenerate? What the fuck is wrong with you? You will end up old and alone, dying regretting your whole life. Stop being so fucking retarded and get your life on track instead of asking if you did the right thing because you didn't. Months, years of your actions aren't the right thing. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Aldarion · Dec 27, 2020

Ossoi said:
So I hid the knives/laptop again and put the last bottle of coke in the freezer so she'd have no mixer to keep drinking with.

I enjoyed this story, and wanted to make sure I understand this correctly.

After a night of alcoholic ranting, when she started down a similar path on the second night, you hid her mixer? Not drugs or alcohol, but Coca-Cola?

I don't know whether to shake my head or salute.

Gavinmad · Dec 27, 2020

Aldarion said:
I enjoyed this story, and wanted to make sure I understand this correctly.

After a night of alcoholic ranting, when she started down a similar path on the second night, you hid her mixer? Not drugs or alcohol, but Coca-Cola?

I don't know whether to shake my head or salute.

It shows he has experience managing chicks with a serious alcohol problem. When it comes down to it dudes will generally just pound the liquor raw but most chicks are powerless without mixer.

Ossoi · Dec 27, 2020

Gavinmad said:
I mean you don't need to go fishing for a virgin tradwife just yet, but maybe stop using sex parties to meet women and expecting them to be anything other than trainwrecks.

I stopped socialising frequently in UK when I started taking gym seriously. People move away, settle down etc. I've said before I'm not easiest person to get along with and I fall out with people easily.

Plus lockdown, everything is shut in UK anyway. And part of the reason I come here every 4-6 weeks is because it's easy to be someone else at these parties where nobody knows me. Maybe it's because I'm half Chinese in a racially homogenous Eastern European Country and it helps me stand out, plus it's a fetish party and I'm pretty ripped. Hence getting frequent offers from thirsty dudes as well as attention from women.

ZyyzYzzy said:
Maybe you should try spending holidays with your family and trying to be close to them instead of being an absolute moral degenerate? What the fuck is wrong with you? You will end up old and alone, dying regretting your whole life. Stop being so fucking retarded and get your life on track instead of asking if you did the right thing because you didn't. Months, years of your actions aren't the right thing. What the fuck is wrong with you?

No need to go into the background but my dad left pretty early and has fucked up multiple chances I've given him to make amends. For sake of easier life I have no contact with sister.

Soygen said:
Sometimes you tell your wife, who is not a cokehead whore, what they want to hear. Wife and not being a cokehead whore are the key things here. You're putting way too much thought into what should basically be a one night stand.

ok, thanks

Aldarion said:
I enjoyed this story, and wanted to make sure I understand this correctly.

After a night of alcoholic ranting, when she started down a similar path on the second night, you hid her mixer? Not drugs or alcohol, but Coca-Cola?

I don't know whether to shake my head or salute.

Yeah, it was either hide the mixer or hide her bottle, and potentially make her go even crazier when she realises it was hidden.

Foler said:
Maybe we would be more understanding if you shared pics of her. That way we would have more context.

well the Dominatrix is a 9/10, so any insecurity this girl feels isn't unwarranted tbh. She's ok but nothing special, and tbh I was kinda not overjoyed that I'd committed to going/leaving with her at the NYE party, effectively removing the chance of anything happening with someone better. But she was messaging me everyday, and the more we talked then the closer I felt to her.

Tattoos, not goth/emo but similar. PhD Philosophy, nihilist. Plays some Korean MMO, needed my laptop to login and claim items. Has Alienware watercooled gaming PC, bought cyberpunk. Has had Japanese lessons, likes anime, likes hentai, likes tentacle porn - claims not be a weeb.

Oh yea, last weekend she said she was going out with friends and didn't want to do drugs. At 11pm she messages me "hello", at 1110pm she messages me "WTF AREN'T YOU ANSWERING"

I reply, "jesus it's only 10mins, i was busy"

"sorry, I'm on speed"

At 7am I'm in taxi to airport and she is on phone saying she should feel euphoria because of the speed but feels empty and will probably one day commit suicide.

She forgot my Xmas present but said it was a book by Alan Sokal, who funnily enough has given a quote to the back cover of the book I bought her for Xmas.

Amazon.com : cynical theories

We discuss postmodernism, identity politics etc

ZyyzYzzy · Dec 27, 2020

Ossoi said:
I stopped socialising frequently in UK when I started taking gym seriously. People move away, settle down etc. I've said before I'm not easiest person to get along with and I fall out with people easily.

Plus lockdown, everything is shut in UK anyway. And part of the reason I come here every 4-6 weeks is because it's easy to be someone else at these parties where nobody knows me. Maybe it's because I'm half Chinese in a racially homogenous Eastern European Country and it helps me stand out, plus it's a fetish party and I'm pretty ripped. Hence getting frequent offers from thirsty dudes as well as attention from women.

No need to go into the background but my dad left pretty early and has fucked up multiple chances I've given him to make amends. For sake of easier life I have no contact with sister.

ok, thanks

Yeah, it was either hide the mixer or hide her bottle, and potentially make her go even crazier when she realises it was hidden.

well the Dominatrix is a 9/10, so any insecurity this girl feels isn't unwarranted tbh. She's ok but nothing special, and tbh I was kinda not overjoyed that I'd committed to going/leaving with her at the NYE party, effectively removing the chance of anything happening with someone better. But she was messaging me everyday, and the more we talked then the closer I felt to her.

Tattoos, not goth/emo but similar. PhD Philosophy, nihilist. Plays some Korean MMO, needed my laptop to login and claim items. Has Alienware watercooled gaming PC, bought cyberpunk. Has had Japanese lessons, likes anime, likes hentai, likes tentacle porn - claims not be a weeb.

Oh yea, last weekend she said she was going out with friends and didn't want to do drugs. At 11pm she messages me "hello", at 1110pm she messages me "WTF AREN'T YOU ANSWERING"

I reply, "jesus it's only 10mins, i was busy"

"sorry, I'm on speed"

At 7am I'm in taxi to airport and she is on phone saying she should feel euphoria because of the speed but feels empty and will probably one day commit suicide.

She forgot my Xmas present but said it was a book by Alan Sokal, who funnily enough has given a quote to the back cover of the book I bought her for Xmas.

Amazon.com : cynical theories

We discuss postmodernism, identity politics etc

Sounds like you will repeat his mistakes. Its only a matter of time before you knock up a psychotic woman like you described and abandon all your responsibilities and own child, honestly.

Ossoi · Dec 27, 2020

Oh, and btw when I was with her in November I couldn't cum once over several days. Delayed ejaculation has been something I've always struggled with.

I've been doing no-fap on and off since Summer, and knowing I'd be with her over Xmas gave me good incentive to no-fap and hopefully "reset" my cock and get it used to cumming without my "death grip"

So I'd gone like 28 days without jerking off which is a record and it's not exactly easy.

So yeah, I wanted to get laid and first time I came in like 30 seconds lol.

Next day lasted like five minutes.

ZyyzYzzy · Dec 27, 2020

Ossoi said:
Oh, and btw when I was with her in November I couldn't cum once over several days. Delayed ejaculation has been something I've always struggled with.

I've been doing no-fap on and off since Summer, and knowing I'd be with her over Xmas gave me good incentive to no-fap and hopefully "reset" my cock and get it used to cumming without my "death grip"

So I'd gone like 28 days without jerking off which is a record and it's not exactly easy.

So yeah, I wanted to get laid and first time I came in like 30 seconds lol.

Next day lasted like five minutes.

Stop doing drugs?

Foler · Dec 27, 2020

Ossoi said:
I stopped socialising frequently in UK when I started taking gym seriously. People move away, settle down etc. I've said before I'm not easiest person to get along with and I fall out with people easily.

Plus lockdown, everything is shut in UK anyway. And part of the reason I come here every 4-6 weeks is because it's easy to be someone else at these parties where nobody knows me. Maybe it's because I'm half Chinese in a racially homogenous Eastern European Country and it helps me stand out, plus it's a fetish party and I'm pretty ripped. Hence getting frequent offers from thirsty dudes as well as attention from women.

No need to go into the background but my dad left pretty early and has fucked up multiple chances I've given him to make amends. For sake of easier life I have no contact with sister.

ok, thanks

Yeah, it was either hide the mixer or hide her bottle, and potentially make her go even crazier when she realises it was hidden.

well the Dominatrix is a 9/10, so any insecurity this girl feels isn't unwarranted tbh. She's ok but nothing special, and tbh I was kinda not overjoyed that I'd committed to going/leaving with her at the NYE party, effectively removing the chance of anything happening with someone better. But she was messaging me everyday, and the more we talked then the closer I felt to her.

Tattoos, not goth/emo but similar. PhD Philosophy, nihilist. Plays some Korean MMO, needed my laptop to login and claim items. Has Alienware watercooled gaming PC, bought cyberpunk. Has had Japanese lessons, likes anime, likes hentai, likes tentacle porn - claims not be a weeb.

Oh yea, last weekend she said she was going out with friends and didn't want to do drugs. At 11pm she messages me "hello", at 1110pm she messages me "WTF AREN'T YOU ANSWERING"

I reply, "jesus it's only 10mins, i was busy"

"sorry, I'm on speed"

At 7am I'm in taxi to airport and she is on phone saying she should feel euphoria because of the speed but feels empty and will probably one day commit suicide.

She forgot my Xmas present but said it was a book by Alan Sokal, who funnily enough has given a quote to the back cover of the book I bought her for Xmas.

Amazon.com : cynical theories

We discuss postmodernism, identity politics etc

Nice, so the speed and ominous suicide drop wasn't the red flag?

Still waiting on a pic. I feel less and less sorry for you.

Khane · Dec 27, 2020

Ossoi dating stories:

Gavinmad · Dec 27, 2020

ZyyzYzzy said:
Stop doing drugs?

Stop sharing too much? lol

lurkingdirk · Dec 27, 2020

How many red flags have people encountered in his description of this woman? I think I stopped counting at 20.

Get out now. Never see her again. Do some soul searching and find a human being to spend your time with.

ZyyzYzzy · Dec 27, 2020

lurkingdirk said:
How many red flags have people encountered in his description of this woman? I think I stopped counting at 20.

Get out now. Never see her again. Do some soul searching and find a human being to spend your time with.

I don't think a real human wants to spend time with him. From all of his posts, he has no personality, only cares about looks, including his, and has a drug problem himself.

Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One

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Got something right about marriage

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