Marriage and the Power of Divorce

I'm not saying there's no such thing as a good marriage or that its impossible. But I feel like the vast majority of people I know who get married end up hating it, regardless of if they end up splitting. Now granted, many of them made and continue to make terrible personal judgements in their lives and the marriage/relationship is no exception. Still, some seem like they made a decent choice and still realize eventually that its hell on earth. I'm always the "bitter" jerk guy who tells people not to do it, and so many of them end up coming back to me later and saying I was right. Lots of them barely seem to make it a year before the realization sets in.

What Ireallydon't get though are all these guys who have been through divorce and even child custody/support once already and STILL get remarried. WTF are you thinking? And those dudes on third or more wives, well you're just a fucking moron.

Onoes_sl said:

Exactly.

McCheeses post just made me yell out "WHY".

Click to expand...

Don't worry, I won't enter into marriage lightly. I already narrowly avoided a life-ending (both literally and figuratively) marriage and was only saved by the logical folks in this community who told me to put away my dick, ignore my heart, and get the fuck out. Unlike most, I listened, and having come that close to eternal misery, I won't make the same mistake again. In the meantime I'll continue to glean as much information as possible from the mistakes of others!

I don't remember the details of that, can you jog my memory without having to go into too much detail?

If it weren't for my friends I would have given up on the idea of marriage and family a long time ago. Every single one of my friends have marriages worth bragging about. It's obnoxious how well suited they are to each other. And they've all been together for 10+ years outside of one couple who's only been together for 3. On the flip side it keeps me sane in my own personal life and let's me study whether or not someone is right for me and make the correct decision to move forward or move on.

Famm_sl said:

I don't remember the details of that, can you jog my memory without having to go into too much detail?

Click to expand...

As I recall, she was unstable as shit and threatened either McCheese, herself, or both of them with a knife. Possibly more than once. The likelihood that it was going to end in violence either against McCheese or herself was off the charts.

McCheese is a wise bro.

I can see why you'd need some third party advice to walk away from that one.

Khane_sl said:

If it weren't for my friends I would have given up on the idea of marriage and family a long time ago. Every single one of my friends have marriages worth bragging about. It's obnoxious how well suited they are to each other. And they've all been together for 10+ years outside of one couple who's only been together for 3. On the flip side it keeps me sane in my own personal life and let's me study whether or not someone is right for me and make the correct decision to move forward or move on.

Click to expand...

This also applies to me, I think. I'm lucky to know pretty much only happily married people; in fact, i can't think of a single person I know who is divorced. If I weren't surrounded by successful marriages I'd probably have become jaded on it a long time ago...especially reading some of the stuff posted here.

I can see why you'd need some third party advice to walk away from that one.

Click to expand...

It was more complicated than what Haast described. The point, however, was that I was thinking with emotion and the advice I got from this community helped me see it from a more logical perspective.

Cad_sl said:

Seeing people who outwardly don't have major issues and are still married in no way means they are happily married.

Click to expand...

That's very true, but I am very close to all of my friends and they are very open people. I know more about my friends than I care to. One of their marriages was getting a little rocky for a short time because of financial pressures, I heard all about it from my buddy as he vented. These aren't random "friends" I see a handful of times a year at birthday parties. These are my best friends. But yes, many people are good at pretending or otherwise shielding marital problems from the outside world (which makes sense outside of your closest friends and family, everyone else should mind their own goddamn business!)

McCheese_sl said:

I wasn't following this thread back then so I missed all those quotes you dug up about Noodlebro's situation. Wow...it's amazing how some of those are so eerily accurate to the stuff he's been talking about lately in this thread.

For real, though, I put a ton of stock into the advice and insight given by this community. It isn't biased by friendship like advice from people you know in real life, and it isn't softened or held back to save your feelings; it's just pure, unfiltered truth based on collective experiences. Overall this thread is depressing as fuck and as a single guy hoping to get married someday I can't say I enjoy reading it. That said, I do it just to absorb as much information from this brilliant hive mind as possible because I feel like it will better prepare me to make the right decision when the time comes.

Click to expand...

The advice is also spiced with complete emotional disconnection though. Like all advice, especially with something major like marriage, it is good to gather many points of view.

McCheese_sl said:

Overall this thread is depressing as fuck and as a single guy hoping to get married someday I can't say I enjoy reading it. That said, I do it just to absorb as much information from this brilliant hive mind as possible because I feel like it will better prepare me to make the right decision when the time comes.

Click to expand...

Keep in mind most of us in happy marriages aren't coming into this thread telling our stories. "Hey, last night my wife made me a philly cheesesteak and kept my beer full for me all night. Love her so much!" Not very entertaining reading nor does it follow the trend of the thread. But some of us out there are very happy.

opiate82_sl said:

Keep in mind most of us in happy marriages aren't coming into this thread telling our stories. "Hey, last night my wife made me a philly cheesesteak and kept my beer full for me all night. Love her so much!" Not very entertaining reading nor does it follow the trend of the thread. But some of us out there are very happy.

Click to expand...

This is definitely worth remembering. Outside of extremely minor complaints I have no problems in my relationship of three years.

Cad_sl said:

Seeing people who outwardly don't have major issues and are still married in no way means they are happily married.

Click to expand...

This was my marriage. Everyone except my very close friends were incredibly shocked. The amount of "But you guys are the absolute best couple I've ever seen" was off the charts. Just because two people get along well in groups, does not in any way reflect their internal states.

Onoes_sl said:

This was my marriage. Everyone except my very close friends were incredibly shocked. The amount of "But you guys are the absolute best couple I've ever seen" was off the charts. Just because two people get along well in groups, does not in any way reflect their internal states.

Click to expand...

Me and my wife squabble (often in front of others) all the time but we're meant for each other.

opiate82_sl said:

Keep in mind most of us in happy marriages aren't coming into this thread telling our stories. "Hey, last night my wife made me a philly cheesesteak and kept my beer full for me all night. Love her so much!" Not very entertaining reading nor does it follow the trend of the thread. But some of us out there are very happy.

Click to expand...

bangmaid status

Khane_sl said:

That's very true, but I am very close to all of my friends and they are very open people. I know more about my friends than I care to. One of their marriages was getting a little rocky for a short time because of financial pressures, I heard all about it from my buddy as he vented. These aren't random "friends" I see a handful of times a year at birthday parties. These are my best friends. But yes, many people are good at pretending or otherwise shielding marital problems from the outside world (which makes sense outside of your closest friends and family, everyone else should mind their own goddamn business!)

Click to expand...

I figured out a long time ago that no matter how great a couple looks and acts together, everyone has dirty laundry because you don't know what goes on (even sometimes close friends) when people close their doors. In almost all cases, the more 'happy' a couple looks together, the more fake it is (at least in my experience).

I don't think there's any use in worrying about other peoples interpersonal relationships to that degree. I just mean that if I'm going to be a complete voyeur I'm gonna watch some penis going into a vagina.

No one is 100% happy 100% of the time. When you're talking about 2 people, if either of them are happy more than 25% of the time then they are pissing right in the stupid face of stupid math.

My great uncle said he was sad when WW 2 ended , cause fighting the nazi's was a lot less hassle , then fighting with the wife.

Tuco_sl said:

She pisses me off when she's too needy and I piss her off when I'm too neglectful.

Click to expand...

Said every couple ever.