Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
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Umm, I think I'm entitled to a Saturday once a month where I can grind a six hour gaming session. I sure don't have an issue when she spends a half day grinding XP at her hairstylist.. Just Sayin'
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
- Start date
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Glad I'm not the only one whose wife decides at the most random times that "OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO CLEAN THIS TOGETHER RIGHT NOW"
I thought mine was broken
I thought mine was broken
Crone
Bronze Baronet of the Realm
- 9,709
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My wife since December has been a stay at home Mom, and there has for sure been some transitions that we had to work through. She could take a nap every day if she wanted while our son naps, and she's playing games every single day, mean while I'm at work.
To say that I was upset that shit wasn't clean when I got home, and dinner wasn't even planned out, let alone started, is an under statement.
She then quips back, it's not fair that I have to do everything just because you work all day. lol This turns into a fight over me working versus her working by taking care of our child. Can't fight over our child, so it just stops there.
I just start pitching in a bit more with stuff around the house, and it seems to make her happy and life goes on.
To say that I was upset that shit wasn't clean when I got home, and dinner wasn't even planned out, let alone started, is an under statement.
She then quips back, it's not fair that I have to do everything just because you work all day. lol This turns into a fight over me working versus her working by taking care of our child. Can't fight over our child, so it just stops there.
I just start pitching in a bit more with stuff around the house, and it seems to make her happy and life goes on.
My wife is somewhat opposite of all this. I generally have to force her to clean the house. He usually will only clean the house when I start it up. She also gets annoyed if i spend too much time downstairs with her while she's watching TV because she just wants to lay there and not talk. So I get sent upstairs to play video games.
Gravy
Bronze Squire
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Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
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- 31,802
Yeah, if only she'd say "I want to spend time with you, let's go grab a bite and see Transformers" instead of "how about you climb a ladder and hang pictures while I point out from afar if they're level while sipping on lemonade". Then the next day I'll offer help on something she truly needs help on, and I'll get the "I don't need a man's help, I lived on my own for years you know". *Pulls hair*
Crone
Bronze Baronet of the Realm
- 9,709
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One of my wife's amazing qualities is that she doesn't have to be near me all the time. She often times will do the same thing, but it's because she wants to play her game, and so she sends me off to play mine. haha
I will definitely concede that women view work as some sort of pleasure time that apparently does not count towards your overall contribution. The first bit of my relationship I would constantly have to reiterate that work != pleasure and that my time spent at work does not count as my free time.
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God I wish my wife played games....
So now that my kids are 12 and 9 she no longer has to be the "stay at home mom" So I told her to get back to work, at least part time to help out. Not a bad gig shes got. She is a dental assistant for her old long time ago dentist and he really likes her. So she went back to work 2 days a week $16 hr. All good right? But now I have to hear stories about her work every day. Fuck me. She spams me with bullshit about her day and the catty bullshit that women get into at work with other women. Oh and now she is absolutely working harder than me. Because she is on her feet, running around, taking xrays, and all that other shit. I guess its harder than sitting at home watching Ellen and Oprah and the soaps.
Not saying my job is hard, I sit here on a computer all day doing engineering work, solving problems, CAD and all that other bullshit. But its a different type of tired. Sometimes I cant even see right when I get done. And the mental part of it makes you just as tired, if not more, than doing construction work.
So now that my kids are 12 and 9 she no longer has to be the "stay at home mom" So I told her to get back to work, at least part time to help out. Not a bad gig shes got. She is a dental assistant for her old long time ago dentist and he really likes her. So she went back to work 2 days a week $16 hr. All good right? But now I have to hear stories about her work every day. Fuck me. She spams me with bullshit about her day and the catty bullshit that women get into at work with other women. Oh and now she is absolutely working harder than me. Because she is on her feet, running around, taking xrays, and all that other shit. I guess its harder than sitting at home watching Ellen and Oprah and the soaps.
Not saying my job is hard, I sit here on a computer all day doing engineering work, solving problems, CAD and all that other bullshit. But its a different type of tired. Sometimes I cant even see right when I get done. And the mental part of it makes you just as tired, if not more, than doing construction work.
Xarpolis
Life's a Dream
- 14,177
- 15,667
I enjoy that about my wife. We aren't constantly up each others ass doing menial shit. She's also very self-sufficient. She'll ask me for directions on how to do something, then do it herself once I explain it. It's pretty awesome. One of us is always home with our daughter. She works nights (nurse, three 12 hour shifts per week) and I work days. Anyway, she never has a problem with me going to see a movie by myself. I just need to schedule it around her being home. As a result, I don't mind going to see a movie by myself. I actually prefer it. Makes finding a seat much easier if the theater's crowded.
Non-engineers / non-programmers / "people without thinking jobs" don't quite seem to understand just how exhausting it can be sitting at your desk having to spend brain energy all day.
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Phazael
Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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I am fortunate. My wife shares most of my hobbies, so often we are doing the same leisure activities, whether its video games, warhammer, or whatever. She does have this whole mindset of "your job does not count as work" thing in her head, though. Very frustrating, but the older I get the less I let it bother me and just tune her our when she harps on that shit.
opiate82
Bronze Squire
- 3,078
- 5
QFT. Nesting is the worst. With my wife, she has a list of projects that can be busted out in a weekend, but she is somehow convinced if it doesn't get doneTHIS WEEKENDit won't be done when the baby arrives. Plus she wants a bunch of irrelevant shit done for no reason what-so-ever. Our perfectly functional gravel driveway (not our main driveway mind you) apparently needs a new load of gravel spread over it for no discernible reason other than "it needs to get done before the baby arrives."
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They can be fucked up after as well. I specifically remember my first kid. I dont know if it was post pardom blues or what but she literally went psycho for a good 6 months after the kid was born. Sometimes literally physically lashing out at me for nothing. It was odd and strange thing to witness. Thank god that faded and it was never a problem with my second kid.
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My wife could work 40 hrs/wk but then we would still have to have some type of daycare and that shit is expensive as fuck. Probably more than its worth. Especially during the summer. I dont know if I could trust a 12 yr old and 9 yr old by themselves. Right now my mom watches them for one day and her mom watches them the other day. But we cannot rely on them to watch them every day. It would not be fair to them, they have their own lives.
I make plenty of money to support both of us. Sure the extra cash is nice, but i wanted her to go back more for her sake than the money. I cant see how staying at home by yourself watching TV and not doing shit is good for anyone.
I make plenty of money to support both of us. Sure the extra cash is nice, but i wanted her to go back more for her sake than the money. I cant see how staying at home by yourself watching TV and not doing shit is good for anyone.
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
- 15,566
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My wife likes alone time too which allows me to play games when I want to in the evening, my problem with her is she's way to into the personal space. Call me a pussy or whatever but if I wanted to be alone all night every night then I'd just be single.
A lot has to do with her depression and being severally introverted so I'm accepting of it most the time, but it only flies for so long before I drag her out to do something. She hates the process of getting ready to go do things but is happy and glad once we do them.
A lot has to do with her depression and being severally introverted so I'm accepting of it most the time, but it only flies for so long before I drag her out to do something. She hates the process of getting ready to go do things but is happy and glad once we do them.
I don't understand guys with wives who are apparently contributing less than you whilst bitching to you. Do you just sit there and take it, avoid it, or give in? Immediate short term relief by avoidance or whatever is much worse long term than addressing the problem. If she's bitching to you hypocritically, why aren't you immediately calling her on it?
A demand/withdrawl interaction pattern, when one person nags, complains, criticizes, etc and the other tries to avoid, ignore, etc, is one of the, if not THE, most important interaction patterns that define unhappy & unhealthy relationships. There's 20+ years of research behind that.
I also have a theory of my own, shared by many, that women are biologically programmed to attempt to take control of their relationships, but they don't actually want to be able to do it. It's a man's job to recognize the times when he needs to stand his ground and call her on her bullshit. It's not a coincidence when guys bitch here about being worked like a dog by their wife, only to get fed up and put their foot down, have the wife get pissed, then wake up to a bj that very night. You don't want to obey her orders, she doesn't want you to obey her orders - so why are you doing it? Sheer laziness?
A demand/withdrawl interaction pattern, when one person nags, complains, criticizes, etc and the other tries to avoid, ignore, etc, is one of the, if not THE, most important interaction patterns that define unhappy & unhealthy relationships. There's 20+ years of research behind that.
I also have a theory of my own, shared by many, that women are biologically programmed to attempt to take control of their relationships, but they don't actually want to be able to do it. It's a man's job to recognize the times when he needs to stand his ground and call her on her bullshit. It's not a coincidence when guys bitch here about being worked like a dog by their wife, only to get fed up and put their foot down, have the wife get pissed, then wake up to a bj that very night. You don't want to obey her orders, she doesn't want you to obey her orders - so why are you doing it? Sheer laziness?