Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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BrotherWu
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My wife must be an outlier. She isn't particularly needy, isn't a spender, and she doesn't expect me to read her mind. Most of the time, we get along pretty well, although there is often an undercurrent of tension due to jobs, kids, chores, the usual shit, that can manifest itself as a coldness or irritability with the other person.
Money and housework used to come up more often as a topic for fights but 15 years of marriage now and we pretty much have an understanding on those fronts. The only thing we ever get really pissy about anymore is when I want some nooky and she's not in the mood.
Money and housework used to come up more often as a topic for fights but 15 years of marriage now and we pretty much have an understanding on those fronts. The only thing we ever get really pissy about anymore is when I want some nooky and she's not in the mood.
A woman's hormones are all over the fucking place in the first trimester. There are some times where you have a huge surge in happy harmones that makes life so much better. In the end of the 2nd through the 3rd trimester your wife is going to start nesting. This will result in a 500 mile long honey-do list to get things ready. If you comply favorably, it's a very fun time of family love and warmth.
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My wife and I went through some financial trouble a few times in the past, but we never fought about money. Sure we would both get stressed about it but I just told her that no matter what, we will get by and not to worry about shit that we have no control over. And we did get through it and she trusts me to do the right thing.
When we fight its more about how im lazy and my spending too much time gaming and shit like that. The problem is that its me that gets shit done. Im the one that cooks, does shopping, cleans the kitchen after I cook... So usually im like WTF are you even taking about?
Its like she expects me to have some type of home renovation project going at all times and working on it every day when I get home or else im fucking lazy.
I attribute this to her father, which was exactly like that. The fucker was like a machine, (still is to this day and hes like 65) always had something going. Whether it was fixing some car to flip or home projets, he always had some shit going on, and I think she just expects me to be like that all the time. But im not. Im fucking lazy and want to sit on my ass.
When we fight its more about how im lazy and my spending too much time gaming and shit like that. The problem is that its me that gets shit done. Im the one that cooks, does shopping, cleans the kitchen after I cook... So usually im like WTF are you even taking about?
Its like she expects me to have some type of home renovation project going at all times and working on it every day when I get home or else im fucking lazy.
I attribute this to her father, which was exactly like that. The fucker was like a machine, (still is to this day and hes like 65) always had something going. Whether it was fixing some car to flip or home projets, he always had some shit going on, and I think she just expects me to be like that all the time. But im not. Im fucking lazy and want to sit on my ass.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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Khane
Got something right about marriage
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Just go with it mkopec.
"Ok honey, you're right. I'll be the handyman around here. Plumbing, landscaping, carpentry, electric, auto-mechanic... it is a man's job after all. And as a woman you'll be maintaining an emaculate house, keeping my clothes pressed and starched, packing my lunch for work everyday, making sure a hot meal is served when I come home and giving me blow jobs as I require."
"Ok honey, you're right. I'll be the handyman around here. Plumbing, landscaping, carpentry, electric, auto-mechanic... it is a man's job after all. And as a woman you'll be maintaining an emaculate house, keeping my clothes pressed and starched, packing my lunch for work everyday, making sure a hot meal is served when I come home and giving me blow jobs as I require."
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Yeah but not really because, again I fucking do more than her in every single way, everyday. She fucking works 2 days out of the week and does absolutely nothing at home most days other than, sitting on her ass and watching TV. Then finally getting up at like 4PM and doing some laundry, which consists of throwing some shit in the washing machine, drying it and then piling it up on the couch or in some basket that stays in our bedroom for weeks until I finally get pissed because the kids are looking for fresh underwear and I finally put it away.
But its not like I care, I dont give a shit. What I give a shit about is when she tells me im fucking lazy, you see?
I do all that shit already. Lets see, in our new house that I bought in 2007, I refinished all the hardwood floors in the entire house sanding, staining and varnishing. Put in a new hardwood floor in the kitchen. Put in an above ground pool in the back yard all by myself, including digging down 2 ft on one side because my yard slopes too much. I repainted every room like twice. Including removing nasty ass wallpaper in every single bedroom (what a bitch). I do all the yardwork, although I have reently delegated that shit to my 12 yr old for $10 a cut.
I routinely maintain my vehicles. Im not a mechanic by no means, but I will do shit like break jobs and minor shit.....
BrotherWu
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Are you me?
Edit. I should clarify what I mean by that since I just said in the previous post that we're good on the chores thing. There is a pretty high expectation that I should always have something going around the house. Some remodeling or landscaping project.
However, sometimes I just want to go into a weekend with no plans and no expectations. So, what I have done to maintain the peace is just keep a minimal cadence on shit. Have something going and make some progress periodically and mama bear is happy.
Whatever. I get sex out of it and I feel like I have accomplished something meaningful every now and then.
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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My wife was the same way. (still is to some extent) She works full time though, the same as I do but she does absolutely nothing at home. I don't give a shit really as I usually need to be doing something else i go nuts after a bit.Yeah but not really because, again I fucking do more than her in every single way, everyday. She fucking works 2 days out of the week and does absolutely nothing at home most days other than, sitting on her ass and watching TV. Then finally getting up at like 4PM and doing some laundry, which consists of throwing some shit in the washing machine, drying it and then piling it up on the couch or in some basket that stays in our bedroom for weeks until I finally get pissed because the kids are looking for fresh underwear and I finally put it away.
But its not like I care, I dont give a shit. What I give a shit about is when she tells me im fucking lazy, you see?
I do all that shit already. Lets see, in our new house that I bought in 2007, I refinished all the hardwood floors in the entire house sanding, staining and varnishing. Put in a new hardwood floor in the kitchen. Put in an above ground pool in the back yard all by myself, including digging down 2 ft on one side because my yard slopes too much. I repainted every room like twice. Including removing nasty ass wallpaper in every single bedroom (what a bitch). I do all the yardwork, although I have reently delegated that shit to my 12 yr old for $10 a cut.
I routinely maintain my vehicles. Im not a mechanic by no means, but I will do shit like break jobs and minor shit.....
But there are times when I'm like "Fuck I need to sit down and relax." and she'll come out of the bedroom and ask if I'm going to "do X" or just sit around all day? I used to get pissed, now I just look at her and go "I dunno, if you want it done right now...what are you doing?" After multiple times of this happening and her not having an answer and not wanting to answer, she stfu about it.
Noodleface
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Sounds a bit like my wife right when we moved in.
Now I come home and have no problem taking a nap right when I come in. Last night she asked me when dinner was going to be served and I told her when I woke up. Woke up to pizza being made again, hell yea.
Now I come home and have no problem taking a nap right when I come in. Last night she asked me when dinner was going to be served and I told her when I woke up. Woke up to pizza being made again, hell yea.
Crone
Bronze Baronet of the Realm
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Yeah Im to the point of just ignoring it. I still do shit but because it needs to be done, not at her whim. Fuck that. Last night she was all over my case. "Are you just going to sit there and do nothing?" I was like Yep.
Last time we got into it and I got pissed and asked her WTF is she doing around the house? She shut up and it was quiet for like a week. I just dont understand their expectations? Its not enough to be a provider anymore. They want a provider during the day, Bob Vila at night, Emeril in the kitchen, and a servant named Humfrey every other time.
Today is one of her 3 days off. I bet I get home to a fucking mess.
Last time we got into it and I got pissed and asked her WTF is she doing around the house? She shut up and it was quiet for like a week. I just dont understand their expectations? Its not enough to be a provider anymore. They want a provider during the day, Bob Vila at night, Emeril in the kitchen, and a servant named Humfrey every other time.
Today is one of her 3 days off. I bet I get home to a fucking mess.
Noodleface
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My wife's the same way. She never does stuff around the house and it's a little annoying. I can't cook and do the dishes every single day, so often the dishes pile up. When she gets pissed I remind her she can load a dishwasher too.
I have my balls back mostly, on some things she's still irritating me though.
I have my balls back mostly, on some things she's still irritating me though.
Tuco
I got Tuco'd!
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Every woman and relationship is different but I feel like when women ask if you're going to do something they respect it more when you just tell them no instead of either making up bullshit excuses or get all rustled and cause a big fight them about it.
And alot of the time I hear men complain about being nagged it turns out they're getting nagged for shit they already should have done. Obviously that's not all the times of course.
And alot of the time I hear men complain about being nagged it turns out they're getting nagged for shit they already should have done. Obviously that's not all the times of course.
Noodleface
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My wife has a tendency to nag, or as she says "remind", me about things as I am leaving the house or doing something else. I firmly believe it is so later on when I forget she can remind me even harder.
My wife does the same thing, but she's easing off a bit. She usually cooks now (I used to do it all the time). But we have a good balance. She cooks, and I do the dishes. We both share the laundry. The other chores are kind of shared now.
We're in a pretty good rhythm.
edit:
She used to get pissy about cooking (she was bad at it) but she gets home around 3:30pm (school teacher) and I get home around 6. So if she wants to not eat at 8pm then she needed to get stepping.
We're in a pretty good rhythm.
edit:
She used to get pissy about cooking (she was bad at it) but she gets home around 3:30pm (school teacher) and I get home around 6. So if she wants to not eat at 8pm then she needed to get stepping.
Arch
Lord Nagafen Raider
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My wife also does the majority of the cooking (I will almost always do the dishes when she does though) aside from a few things that I make really well or when we are grilling. I do all of the laundry (but make my kids put away their stuff which is easily the worst part) and she handles the cleaning. I will handle whatever honey-do shit she wants done around the house, but she doesn't take advantage of that very often so I'm content with our balance now.
We did in the past go back and forth on what a lot of folks are talking about (you were off today and didn't do shit but are on me about doing something?) and it seems pretty normal for it to happen until a pattern establishes. That said it really should be a split of some kind and not all one person.
We did in the past go back and forth on what a lot of folks are talking about (you were off today and didn't do shit but are on me about doing something?) and it seems pretty normal for it to happen until a pattern establishes. That said it really should be a split of some kind and not all one person.
Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
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The irony is I hired a maid specifically to mitigate these type of situations, but nevertheless the "well, I just spontaneously decided to undertake cleaning the closet at the exact moment you sat down to play computer and you need to help me" persisted. I told her last week that she can either a) PLAN home projects with me in advance so that the all-day computer fest I was looking forward to isn't soulcrushed by her suddenly deciding out of left field that the couch needs to be on the other side of the house or b) I can fire the maid and she can start worrying more about clean laundry and less about the optimized placement of her shoes in the closet. Since the "fire the maid" threat she's mostly left me alone, though I still do get a lot of the "can you help me", but for minor shit. It's pathological I'm afraid.
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Maybe its a sign that she just wants to spend time with you instead of you just plopping your ass in front of your computer for an all Saturday game session. Just saying.
I tend to play my games late night and maybe like one saturday every 3 months when its shitty out and shes nursing a hangover.
I tend to play my games late night and maybe like one saturday every 3 months when its shitty out and shes nursing a hangover.