Marriage and the Power of Divorce

How have things been going with the wife since the kids are in school now Chaos. She's started working yeah? Getting any easier?

chaos_sl said:

I hope it does. Not that I wish for bad things for Mr. Khane, I just want all love to wither and die and the world to turn black like my soul.

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lol

lindz_sl said:

How have things been going with the wife since the kids are in school now Chaos. She's started working yeah? Getting any easier?

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Yeah things are actually pretty great. And every time I find myself getting pissy I remember how bad it was and it is kind of amazing. She's better, I am better, the kids are flourishing in school, good times. I've been dealing with a lot of stuff at work, like a fucking mountain of stress, she was able to take enough off of me at home so I didn't go insane. She loves her job, too, but I think she just loves having a job period. I really wish she was into something that had more money making potential, but meh whatever.Her shrink actually told her he thinks she is doing much better and unless things start to get bad again he doesn't think he needs to see her, which seems crazy to me but meh again.

Nah, that means he's a responsible shrink. The ones that you need to be leery of are the ones that make a living treating incurable, chronic, imaginary diseases.

Think of it as him saying, "You know. I'm happy to take your money. But there's really no reason for you to be giving it to me right now. Maybe if shit gets real... then come back, sure. But right now you're good."

What kind of job she found ?

That's awesome chaos. Is she doing now what she was doing before you guys had kids.

I'd really like to start working but only two years of college and absolutely no work experience (besides part time crap when I was a teenager), I have no resume whatsoever. Seems like an impossible task to even get a job and wouldn't be able to find anything that would result in making enough to even pay for child care for my littlest. Kind of a depressing situation.

It's ok, just stream on twitch !

lindz_sl said:

That's awesome chaos. Is she doing now what she was doing before you guys had kids.

I'd really like to start working but only two years of college and absolutely no work experience (besides part time crap when I was a teenager), I have no resume whatsoever. Seems like an impossible task to even get a job and wouldn't be able to find anything that would result in making enough to even pay for child care for my littlest. Kind of a depressing situation.

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Yeah, no. She worked in restaurants all her life before we had kids, now she is working at a day care. Which is hilarious because her way to get away from our kids is to go teach kids. But it makes sense, she wants to be an elementary teacher so this is kind of the first step. She has some school done but not much, so that probably won't happen until later. She definitely does not make enough to pay for child care, but that isn't what it is about. Child care for us is about 1700 per month, and that is very cheap for 3 kids in this area.

For what it's worth, she also didn't think she had much of a resume until I got ahold of it, she kept talking about things that she didn't have rather than framing things in terms of her experience. I had that same problem in the Navy when I was getting out, I had no clear idea of how to translate my experience into what the job called for. Maybe have someone else help you with it, worked for me.

Yea, there are professionals just for that if you want something really good. There are websites and videos for some self-help as well.

It's important to emphasize what you are capable of accomplishing more than what responsibilities you've had before. Like if a girl says to me, "I've sucked lots of dick", I don't find that appealing. If a girl says, "I can suck your dick real good", I'm probably interested even though that confidence would be borne of experience and I subconsciously know that. Employers are the same way.

Whether you want to use that skill on your resume is up to you.

But finding a job that actually pays more than day care costs is a whole different challenge. You could always try to do something light from home. Sales telemarketing gets farmed out. I bet there are websites that target stay at home moms specifically for employment.

Tarrant_sl said:

Glad to hear things are going better Chaos.

As for me, there are way more downs than ups. I'm not sure what the future holds at this point.

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Start posting more pics and gifs. Like Erro. That always works.

Well my wedding is this Friday @ 6:30pm ... Can't believe it's been 11 months since I proposed, that went really fast. Thanks for all the horror stories ... Keep them coming, and I'll try to add to this thread soon.

my condolences

Had a little encounter with the ex wife tonight. She stopped by to drop off some swim stuff for the kids she borrowed, and I let her know I had transferred all of next months expenses and child support into her account today. She told me she was talking with a friend, and its crazy how much he pays. He told her he pays just over $3,000 a month, and she told him thats crazy, that her ex (me) only pays $250. (She apparently neglected to mention the other $400 I pay for daycare/school) The guy she was talking with told her that was crazy (Well fuck you too buddy) and she should definitely get more.

She then just let that statement hang.

So I said "Well, I'm sure he's making more, his ex has the kids full time, and probably has no job. So, that sucks for him, but its not really the same as our situation. Honestly, I round up everything I pay you, and I don't think you would argue I pay for more than you do when it comes to the kids as well, which I don't mind doing, I'm just saying, I have other expenses outside of straight child support."

And she said "Yeah, its just crazy how much more he is paying was all I was saying."

And I said "Yup, sounds like he got royally screwed. I'm sure had you pushed for full custody of the kids and won it, I would be in the same boat. However, unlike him, I would just quit my job and then you would be having to pay me child support because of our wage differences. So see, its just better for everyone we continue being reasonable. I know how terrible divorce can be if we fight each other, I'm glad we aren't doing that."

And she just kind of went "yeah..."


So yeah, less than a year after the divorce, she's definitely got a couple of wheels in her head going "Being poor sucks... maybe I should be getting more free money.... Did I get screwed?" Which she didn't. It's stupid I'm paying her anything to be honest, but there it is.

Anyway, hopefully I shut down any thoughts of her asking for more. I can't see her trying to take me to court or anything, but who knows, I think a lot of it will depend on how much people encourage her. Anyway, we'll see if my perfect divorce ends up getting a little less perfect in the future.

I suspect that, only as a practical matter, it's going to be harder for her to come after you a year 2 years after the fact. I don't know it, but that's has got to be a lower order of priority for both the courts themselves and the ambulance chasers who would be looking to take a cut. It's just harder than she thought it was going to be, and her lawyer would have to work harder for less commission.

At least your kids will be old enough soon that she can't use them as weapons. Because that will be the next progression. Unless she unfucks her head.

Phazael_sl said:

On one hand, you are likely about to get fucked with emotionally and financially. On the other hand, good thing you got out when you did.

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Emotionally yes, financially.. probably not. What is the stupid bitch going to do? Go to court and say, "You know how we made a legally binding agreement that followed the guidance of Arizona family law? Well, I heard a bigger number in a vacuum from some person in a completely different situation and I like money, so how bout some more $$? All my vacuous cunt friends are on board, so I must deserve more!"

Let's not flip out just yet until she actually demands and gets more money.

I don't know about Arizona but in Maryland my understanding is that custody and support are the only aspects that can always be revisited again after the divorce settlement.

Famm_sl said:

I don't know about Arizona but in Maryland my understanding is that custody and support are the only aspects that can always be revisited again after the divorce settlement.

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I'm sure they can, if there is a circumstance that dictates change.

Regardless of their rep, family courts aren't guided exclusively by feels and fairy dust. There are laws dictating support and as Onoes said, they went by those and he even rounded up the numbers. So unless there has been a life change that justifies it, going to the court and saying "I heard a bigger number from someone else in a completely different situation, so that means I need all the dollars now!" will be met with "you are getting the proper support per the law, next case".