Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
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Depends on what stage of the relationship they are in. I know my wife and I fought a lot after moving in together and sharing a bank account. Basically living space and money issues. This was years ago and we got over it eventually.
ToeMissile
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Or ask her why she's pissed off? Maybe she's just stressed and isn't dealing with it well? Not that it makes what she's doing ok.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Small shit.. like if I forget to grab the mail, or I sit on the couch wrong, or I move
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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ROFL my wife does that sorta shit all the time. I just laugh at her. Sometimes I type to loud, sometimes I clip my fingernails to loudly. She once told me "If you're just going to read you may as well just go in the room, you aren't being helpful to anything." I asked her what I was supposed to be helping and she just said "anything." We were literally just sitting there, her on her laptop and me sitting with a book.
You just gotta laugh that shit off as them being stupid. Make sure she sees and hears you laugh about it and just keep doing your thing.
Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
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Dude, seriously run. If she's all over you about shit like that now it's going to become a living hell once you're married. Don't end up one of those guys that stay late at work because they are afraid to go home. I work with many and it isn't pretty.
Selix
Lord Nagafen Raider
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I may be the odd one here but I got married because me and my wife were compatible and more importantly I believed she would make a great mother. That if I should pass away early I felt confident that she could finish raising our children responsibly. So marriage for me, is the creation of a bond that will mature over time through which we can raise a stronger family then I could do so alone.
Now I know not everyone sees marriage like that but if I was never intending to have kids then I wouldn't bother getting married. Sure there are finicial benefits but those have to be weighed against a divorce. Again this is just how I see it not how I expect everyone else to see it.
What this means for me is that cheating is far less of a factor if choosing to have a divorce then being a responsible mother is. That's not to say my wife could go sleep around the town but if it ever did happen (say like once) I very much doubt I would divorce her. The more important factor in that situation for me is "Did you do it for the passion/experience?" or "Did you do it because you are falling out of love with me and/or tired of raising the kids?" The reason being if she was falling out of love with me then our damaged compatability could negatively affect the kids whereas if she was doing it for fun then we can show the children that sex and love are two seperate things and that there is more to having an lasting adult relationship then lust.
I have other unconventional views that all kind of tie together like I think you should date someone you are physically attracted to long enough to be sure they are std free (this is a judgment call) and then you should screw yourselves silly until then passion haze is gone and you can start thinking rationally about each other. Then stop screwing and start really seeing if you are compatible.
Anyway it is working for us quite well and I've told my wife all of this openly and we have talked about it several times in the beginning but I don't think she is remotely interested in cheating on me. I do know she has lesbian fantasy though but we have never pursued it.
Now I know not everyone sees marriage like that but if I was never intending to have kids then I wouldn't bother getting married. Sure there are finicial benefits but those have to be weighed against a divorce. Again this is just how I see it not how I expect everyone else to see it.
What this means for me is that cheating is far less of a factor if choosing to have a divorce then being a responsible mother is. That's not to say my wife could go sleep around the town but if it ever did happen (say like once) I very much doubt I would divorce her. The more important factor in that situation for me is "Did you do it for the passion/experience?" or "Did you do it because you are falling out of love with me and/or tired of raising the kids?" The reason being if she was falling out of love with me then our damaged compatability could negatively affect the kids whereas if she was doing it for fun then we can show the children that sex and love are two seperate things and that there is more to having an lasting adult relationship then lust.
I have other unconventional views that all kind of tie together like I think you should date someone you are physically attracted to long enough to be sure they are std free (this is a judgment call) and then you should screw yourselves silly until then passion haze is gone and you can start thinking rationally about each other. Then stop screwing and start really seeing if you are compatible.
Anyway it is working for us quite well and I've told my wife all of this openly and we have talked about it several times in the beginning but I don't think she is remotely interested in cheating on me. I do know she has lesbian fantasy though but we have never pursued it.
chaos
Buzzfeed Editor
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Take a step back and think about how bad it realize is. If it is as bad as you say, now, with no kids or stress or anything, then break up with her right now and move on. You might think "oh these guys are being assholes because internet" but no, no we aren't. I fight with my wife, I argue with my wife, we get frustrated and pick at each other about minor shit sometimes. Normal shit. We always talk it out and it's fine. The difference is, we've been married for years and have a TON of stress right now, and we both understand that. All you have to do right now is fuck and hang out, if that is causing issues you need to bail. I'm telling you this as someone who was in a bad marriage before and had to get divorced. Getting divorced is no bueno. Bail now.
But if maybe it isn't all that bad and you're just blowing off some steam, then whatever.
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Yeah I agree, Chaos. Back when we were just dating and first couple of years as married, the wife and I were nothing but happy. No nagging, no bitching, none of that shit he is describing. Not to say that were not happy now, its just different with kids, and alot more stressful.
Grumpus
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This is what i'm talking about. People feel obligated to get married after a period of time. And once they propose it's even worse, even if someone starts to show their true colors during the stressful planning process. They even have TV shows about woman acting like Nazi's Bridezilla etc. And the men are like "Oh well, I already proposes".
And then they get married and lose half their shit.
Why? Because if you broke off and engagement people think you're a jerk? If one of my bro's made a realization that his wife to be was a whore in disguise and broke off the engagement I would throw him "You are really smart and have massive balls" party.
If you choose to be with someone that isn't right for you fine. Move in together and share money and deal with the fallout. But don't get married and sign a contract that says half your life is hers.
Because chances are if things go south she will be the one ending it. Woman are way better at rationalizing shit like divorce. Again, the more emotional party.
Vandyn
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I absolutely agree that the idea of marriage is colored by how you were brought up and what you are influenced by. When I was 21, the last thing in the world I wanted to do was get married. Mostly because I wanted to still go out, have fun, do what I want to do and not have to answer for it. I still got married younger than I wanted to (24) and it didn't turn out well. The girl was younger and grew up in a town where everyone gets married at 18 and starts spitting out kids. Needless to say, she and I changed and realized it was a really dumb decision to get married because at the end of the day neither of us truly appreciated what marriage was. And this was a chick who grew up with the notion that the end goal was marriage.
This is why I disagree with the notion that people should get married young. I think a lot of people, especially younger people, get married for a ton of reasons that really have nothing to do with wanting to be with someone the rest of their life. I would hazard a guess that if you looked up the divorce rate of those under 25 and been married less than 5 years, the numbers would be staggering.
This is why I disagree with the notion that people should get married young. I think a lot of people, especially younger people, get married for a ton of reasons that really have nothing to do with wanting to be with someone the rest of their life. I would hazard a guess that if you looked up the divorce rate of those under 25 and been married less than 5 years, the numbers would be staggering.
TrollfaceDeux
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how do you guys feel about female asking for a prenup to keep her shit and the male gets nothing in the case of divorce (and he will agree to it).
TrollfaceDeux
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Eomer
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That's entirely up to the the couple to decide. Whatever floats their boat. It's becoming more and more common for women to have a higher education and earning power than their spouses. I would think though that even in those cases, most of the time the woman wouldn't have nearly as much to worry about as compared to the guy in the reverse situation, because the courts and legal system tend to be biased against men.
Curious why you feel that way? From my perspective, it's a matter of pragmatism. I'd be going in to it with the best of intentions and hopefully so would my significant other, but there's a pretty decent chance that shit won't work out in the end. If it doesn't a pre-nup can make the separation/divorce process a lot less painful for both sides. And for people who marry later in life (say late 20's or early 30's) who come in to the marriage with significant assets, shit can get pretty complicated and contentious. Why not spell the terms out in advance?chaos_sl said: