Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Onoes

Onoes

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Yeah, as much as you say toys don't do anything for you... it sounds like toys are your answer.

Hell, get a Hitachi magic wand, and when she wants sex and you're not very interested just tell her to lie down, and start playing with her with that thing. There's no way you don't start getting excited having a girl squirming and squealing in your hands. Then you drop the wand, and go to town. Everyone wins.

My thoughts are, if she wants it more than you do... well, you love her, its a very very small thing to do for her, and chances are you get something out of it too. Everyone is happy.
 
Big Phoenix

Big Phoenix

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Blazin_sl said:
Her masturbating in front of me more often probably would do the trick just hard to explain to her that my asking for that is something I want and not a rejection of her. Nights I'm not in the mood I probably could get there pretty quick with her going to town next to me. I'm above average fit, work out daily, vegetarian. No health problems.
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Tell her that's a fantasy/kink of yours bro, like a peeping tom. You want her to put a show on for you.
 
Soygen

Soygen

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Blazin_sl said:
Her masturbating in front of me more often probably would do the trick just hard to explain to her that my asking for that is something I want and not a rejection of her. Nights I'm not in the mood I probably could get there pretty quick with her going to town next to me. I'm above average fit, work out daily, vegetarian. No health problems.
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Are you normally the dominant in the sexual situations? You initiate sex and tell her you want her to masturbate(don't ask her) first. Take control and she'll probably enjoy it and you'll be able to get your shit started.

Or hire some BBC.
 
Blazin

Blazin

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Soygen_sl said:
Are you normally the dominant in the sexual situations? You initiate sex and tell her you want her to masturbate(don't ask her) first. Take control and she'll probably enjoy it and you'll be able to get your shit started.

Or hire some BBC.
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She definitely leaves me as the dominant one, it's probably why I want expressions of her acting independently. The idea of her doing something rather than having it done if that makes any sense. I'll talk to her about that, I think that is a relatively safe thing to do.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

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I think talking to her is probably the most ideal answer. We can theory craft how to level up your boner skills but ultimately this is between you and your wife.
 
A

a_skeleton_03

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Oh, vegetarian? Yeah you just need better protein in your life! This is sarcasm.

I told my wife who didn't think masturbating next to me was quite the sex she wanted us to be having was that it excites me to see her enjoying herself. Sometimes I am a two pump chump and then what does she get out of it? She understands more now.
 
Blazin

Blazin

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Noodlemod_sl said:
I think talking to her is probably the most ideal answer. We can theory craft how to level up your boner skills but ultimately this is between you and your wife.
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True, but talking about it here first can help me think it through. Her feeling hurt is what bothered me I'm trying to eliminate the problem or express it in a manner that she doesn't receive as rejection.
 
C

Commander Vimeseh_sl

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make it a selfish request for yourself. Don't phrase it as you being tired or not in to sex at the moment. Explain that you watching her is something that you have always thought would be highly arousing. Then when she's all and hot and bothered I'm pretty sure you'll be worked up at that point as well. Then you both can go to town.
 
Blazin

Blazin

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a_skeleton_03_sl said:
Oh, vegetarian? Yeah you just need better protein in your life!
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But I do! We have no Whole Foods here and finding decent tofu is spotty at best. Wegmans is an hour away. You west coasters probably don't have Wegmans.

Right at the end our last hiking trip to northern california in early fall I broke my foot and that was a major shock to my routine and after several months finally being able to walk again I'm probably over doing it getting back into shape, I think I was even getting depressed and for normally mentally healthy people I think we sometimes forget how those things can bleed into other areas of life. The answer is most likely a combination of these factors, but I'm just eager to get back to wanting to bone my wife on the regular.

..AND watch her bone herself
smile.png
 
Deathwing

Deathwing

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Blazin_sl said:
She definitely leaves me as the dominant one, it's probably why I want expressions of her acting independently. The idea of her doing something rather than having it done if that makes any sense. I'll talk to her about that, I think that is a relatively safe thing to do.
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Moodlenod is correct, talk to her and make your intentions and wants clear. My wife is the exact same way. She paints it as being submissive, but it got to the point where was doing to sex TO her, not WITH her. I mean, I'm pretty good at it, I know exactly what she likes and both of us were getting good orgasms. But it started to feel like she was using submissiveness as an excuse to be lazy and I wanted more sex where it felt like she was participating even though I knew that she liked what I was doing.

So, after some discussions, I've been slowly encouraging her whenever she shows initiative or feedback. Now, I get impromptu BJs in the kitchen while making dinner or bed while getting dressed, even though I'd rather have cheese. She makes requests for toys for upcoming holidays. She tells me likes being used in certain ways.

And I'm with you on the masturbation thing. Despite all the other weird stuff I've posted above and previously, my #1 fetish by far is a woman enjoying herself. Seems common from some other posts here(side effect of a generation raised on prodigious internet porn?). It boggles my mind, my wife literally has free reign in bed(outside of food and blood, I won't touch those fetishes) and yet until recently, I'm the one making the decisions.

I want to blame our culture for making women sexually repressive, but I'll admit that I don't have the data for that.
 
lurkingdirk

lurkingdirk

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I think you should get matching vibrating underwear, give each other the remotes, and go out for dinner. See if you can get each other good and worked up before you head home.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

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You won't do food stuff? My brother told me his greatest sexual fantasy come true was when his fiance allowed him to put a box of pizza on her back and he fucked while eating pizza and watching breaking bad.
 
Soygen

Soygen

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That's still impressive, but not quite as kinky as I thought.
 
Khane

Khane

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This ever happen to anyone else? In new relationships I am very vocal about sexy time and doing certain things and testing boundaries. As time wears on I get less and less interested in "spicing" things up to the point where I even kind of find foreplay to be a chore. I can feel that way one night, end a relationship and the very next night be full bore with a new chick. It's very detrimental because I am a dirty birdy in new relationships. Constantly telling them what I'm going to do, what I want, what I want them to do. Taking control of them in public when nobody is looking, getting them amped up. And then I just lose interest in all that after a while and they think I've lost ALL interest in them as a person, which isn't true. Just don't care about talking dirty and being exciting anymore, let's just do this thing.

Guess I just get sexually bored of the same woman easily... "been there, done that".
 
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