Marriage and the Power of Divorce

The crazy Russian girl who threatened to kill herself when I tried to break up with her, (possibly) poisoned me, and ultimately resulted in me fleeing the country (and abandoning many belongings and a job) in the dead of the night recently contacted me on Facebook (haven't talked since 2011 when it happened). I haven't read the message, although I assume it's related to my recent birthday. I'm not sure how she was able to message me, because I'm pretty sure I blocked her. I know she left Kazakhstan, so I'm kind of afraid she's coming to America or something. I'm also afraid to read her message and view her profile in case I see a little baby that looks like me or something.

What did I miss, this this Ohnoes levels of gold here.

It was told, just back in 2011 like McCheese said. A bunch of us told him to run before she stabbed him in his sleep.

You must read the message, McCheese. For science.

See if you can't get a blood and urine sample, too. Just for transparency in information delivery.

McCheese you lived in Kazakhstan?

McCheese please save us from the horrible moissanite derail Tuco is trying to take us down.

Eyashusa_sl said:

McCheese please save us from the horrible moissanite derail Tuco is trying to take us down.

Click to expand...

Tarrant, do you sell moissanite too?

Here's an on topic bit: the district court gave our divorce judgement on January 17th. Been trying to cope with this since June, which is when we reached a point where neither of us felt like things could get better again.

The fun bit is, that I was depressed due to having a predisposition for being depressed, unemployment, and not getting that teaching assistantship at the local uni (due to being depressed). You know what they say about making drastic life decisions while you're depressed? Totally bang on. Never, ever, make big decisions while depressed. My ex is a psychiatrist and must have known I was depressed, and she did encourage me to seek treatment. Too bad she didn't use an ultimatum, because that would've shocked me into getting therapy earlier.

When I got over the initial shock, I started drinking fairly heavily. This would be late August. Think I averaged half a bottle of wine per day between August and a couple of weeks ago (you get there by drinking 3 bottles and a couple of beers over a weekend, which isn't THAT much). Didn't do my mental health any favours there. Also, probably self-sabotaged my proposal for the funding of my research project with my drinking and lack of physical exercise: if I had had more energy, I could've written a better proposal.

I'm now in therapy and getting better.

The moral of the story: there is no moral apart from don't get depression. Don't drink.

Okay, there IS an upside. These crises made me re-think my life choices and I'm done with business & law. Never had any intrinsic interest for me, I was in that field for the money and the status. Will start part-time work in a children's home in 2 months (after I've applied for training in the medical field). My excel projections show a larger than EUR100k net increase in net present value of my next 20 years' income for changing professions at the absolute minimum, (the differential gets absurd if I project to 30 years) plus I'll be able to work abroad, plusI'll get to relieve human suffering instead of inflicting it.

So, that's the power of divorce: it can spur your depression to suicidal depths but it can also be a real road to Damascus moment.

Not to be a dick because I genuinely wish you well in that, but working with sick kids is going to fuck you up. Steel yourself. That shit is depressing.

Keep your eye on the little victories. Today that kids life was less shitty than it would have been if I hadn't been there. Don't expect good days.

Yes, I've got friends working in that specific unit, so I know how fucked up it is. It's very much like giving palliative treatments to terminal patients. Only with the added shit sandwich that is social sector accounting: the city social services get more state level funding if they are able to place the kids in foster families. So they let people who can't handle the kids enlist as foster families (who get compensated for taking in the kids, but from a different budget moment) and when the foster parents who can't handle that shit get burned out, the kids are taken into the institution again, BUT since they WERE placed during the fiscal year, they still count as 1 placement.

Yes, the continual placement->re-institutionalisation->placement process makes the kids have it worse, due to getting that abandonment experience again and again. No, no money is saved, since the compensation to the foster families is more than the cost of 1 spot at an institution. In other words, trying to use management accounting practices in order to make the system more efficient makes the system less efficient AND undermines the entire fundamental rationale of the system.

I already have the exit date set, though. It's May 31st 2019 at the latest, Jan 1st 2016 at the earliest. The later date is the date when I'll earn my bachelor's* in medicine, the earlier date is when I, in the very best case, would start working at the university as an assistant. So I'll be doing this to get to working with patients asap. Also, I think paediatric subspecialties of oncology or psychiatry would be the only specialties that are harder to take than these teens. So it's all upwards from here.

* assuming I clear the selection criteria, not easy, but not impossible either. They grade us on e.g. basis of being able to explain cellular processes clearly and succinctly.