Khane
Got something right about marriage
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It's not taxable but it is still considered income for social program purposes:
https://www.gpo.gov/fdsys/pkg/CFR-20...1-sec5-609.xml
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
- Start date
https://www.gpo.gov/fdsys/pkg/CFR-20...1-sec5-609.xml
Mrs. Gravy
Quite Saucy
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Titan_Atlas
Deus Vult
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- 19,909
I am hoping to hear some opinions from you all. I have now been married for about a year and a half. I am having communication problems with my wife.
The gist of it is she insists I don't listen, so as she claims, she is shutting down and not talking to me more and more.
I am opinionated, I am also a very logical person and also I am naturally not empathetic. I believe I might be slightly autistic as I am generally introverted, don't like being touched, not good at building friendships. Not that I don't try or don't have friends, just that the effort involved is very unnatural and I have to force myself to do it.
Anyways my wife is pretty opposite to that. Very popular, uses her emotional response as a guide for almost everything, uber lefty liberal SJW values.
We are happy alot of the time, but if we get onto a subject and i don't recognize her emotions as valid factual information she shuts down. So presenting actual evidence she is wrong digs the hole deeper, she literally will not look at facts.
Now since I have my own issues, I am trying to look at this in a both people are wrong and how do we get on the same page way. I am looking for advice in terms of ways to deal with someone who is emotional response driven and really views the world opposite to you. I am not going to leave her, we are happy most of the time, I just have a recurring argument where I pretty much get blamed and may not have the tools naturally to fix the problem. Trying to explain to someone that you are unempathetic and really don't pick up the emotional hints well is next to impossible.
The gist of it is she insists I don't listen, so as she claims, she is shutting down and not talking to me more and more.
I am opinionated, I am also a very logical person and also I am naturally not empathetic. I believe I might be slightly autistic as I am generally introverted, don't like being touched, not good at building friendships. Not that I don't try or don't have friends, just that the effort involved is very unnatural and I have to force myself to do it.
Anyways my wife is pretty opposite to that. Very popular, uses her emotional response as a guide for almost everything, uber lefty liberal SJW values.
We are happy alot of the time, but if we get onto a subject and i don't recognize her emotions as valid factual information she shuts down. So presenting actual evidence she is wrong digs the hole deeper, she literally will not look at facts.
Now since I have my own issues, I am trying to look at this in a both people are wrong and how do we get on the same page way. I am looking for advice in terms of ways to deal with someone who is emotional response driven and really views the world opposite to you. I am not going to leave her, we are happy most of the time, I just have a recurring argument where I pretty much get blamed and may not have the tools naturally to fix the problem. Trying to explain to someone that you are unempathetic and really don't pick up the emotional hints well is next to impossible.
Burren
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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Don't try to provide answers or solutions, seriously. Just listen. Ask questions. Don't be opinionated. Getting to that point is up to you, however. It'll probably take a lot of practice or a very serious decision on your part to do it.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
- 37,961
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You may want to try going to couples therapy. A therapist may be better equipped to find the real issue while validating your concerns about your own condition.
Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
- 14,730
- 31,802
Women arguing emotionally and getting angry that you don't get emotional as well, while countering their emotions with calm logic and facts makes them even angrier?
Hmm, this sounds familiar.. I've seen this before somewhere.. One sec I'll remember.. Oh yeah, LIKE EVERY ONE OF MY RELATIONSHIPS EVER lol.
Sorry bro, no suggestions.. Your two options are pretend that her silly emotional responses make sense and concede, or find a less emotional woman. In my case the former is impossible, because I can't respect an emotional position that is illogical, and in the case of the latter most of those women are fat or ugly.
That's what God gave you to choose between. Who said he doesn't have a sense of humor?
Famm
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
- 11,041
- 794
This is basically how to "talk to women" for the situation you find yourself in. Just turn off and let her bounce stuff off of you. Its a learned strategy, I realize its completely non-intuitive to do so as a man.
Why the hell did you get married? Much less to a polar opposite partner?
This is what I did recently. My wife is a nurse practitioner and every time she comes I ask her about her day and listen to her long stories filled with medical jargon. I don't try to fix problems she has at work when she brings them up. I actively listen and ask her amplifying questions instead of just making agreeable sounds to fake interest. Side effect is I can actually keep up with her and her coworkers in a conversation. She also feels very listens to and mentions it from time to time.
She does not really reciprocate claiming (jokingly) that satellites and bandwidth are something I have made up and that I really have an embarrassing job I don't want to admit to. She can't wrap her head around it at all. She does nod along though. I try to talk more about people and personalities at work as a result.
You can try all that and see if it works. The one thing I know is that if we have both been gone from each other all day then the minute it makes sense I ask her how her day was and what she did. Sometimes that is right when I walk in the door and sometimes it is an hour later but I make a conscious effor to prioritize it.
Titan_Atlas
Deus Vult
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Honestly got married because I was 38 and I do sincerely love her. The polar opposite part is funny because we have alot in common just not our views and methods. I also like to be with someone who is good socially because it forces me out of my comfort zone. I find I am a better person when I do that.
I was honestly close to quitting trying with women before I met her. I am getting to an age where sex is no longer a driver for me. I was always good with women. Good looking, charming enough to get them to stick around. So I've had a ton of experience with women and honestly I have only found a handful I thought I could wake up next to each day. She just happened to come along and also fill that criteria. We are a month and a half away from our first son being born and we have two girls, I have a 4yr old, she has an 8yr old.
Titan_Atlas
Deus Vult
- 7,883
- 19,909
I do this part daily also, I can get through conversations about co workers because I just take her side. It's when the conversation is about tangible things that I run into a wall. Just saying the sky is blue when she believes it is green can cause a problem. I just become dumbfounded by it all.
Burren
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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Is it really a matter of her "facts" just being fucking wrong, or are they simply opinions you don't share with her?
Titan_Atlas
Deus Vult
- 7,883
- 19,909
I'd say if your opinion is based on feelings and you do absolutely no research then they are one and the same. Like my wife has alot of political opinions but I have never once seen her research anything. In fact I get alot of shit about spending time learning about politics and following current events. She watches alot of makeup tutorials on YouTube and spends a lot of time responding in the "black barbershop" group on Facebook. So yeah if your facts come from occupy Democrat meme's you may be Ill informed.
Big Phoenix
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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Lenas
Trump's Staff
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opiate82
Bronze Squire
- 3,078
- 5
Seriously though, this. This so much.
What you are describing isn't some divided between you and your wife, it is a fundamental divide between men and women. Your idiosyncrasies might make it though to adjust, but this really is a situation where you need to keep your opinions to yourself and learn to listen and be compassionate.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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There is nothing I find more stupid than the whole "Just listen to her and don't give your opinion. That's just how women work" advice.
If you can't give your opinion on anything what the fuck are you even adding to the relationship? A dick and some money?
If you can't give your opinion on anything what the fuck are you even adding to the relationship? A dick and some money?
Ladies and gentlemen like we discussed earlier this is Sheldon Cooper. Blunt and unable to interact well in a social setting not to mention a long term relationship.
Yeah honey that dress does make you look fat.
Yes your sister is hotter.
What's the matter, I am just being honest.
