Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Foler

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Dated a girl once who had a Bernese mountain dog. When I first met her she said he wasn’t aggressive but he would have “moments”. Ends up the dog had bitten her mom and her vet… We’d take the dog out and it would lunge at people walking by barking like crazy. It would scare them to death. It would also jump up on furniture and people… I confronted her about all this and she thought the dog wasn’t aggressive and its other behavior was cute… “it’s adorable he jumps up on the couch because he thinks he’s a tiny dog”…..

She’d pay trainers to validate her that her dog just has “moments” and isn’t aggressive. She’d never train the dog. She was completely taken aback when she first came over to my house with the dog and I didn’t want it jumping all over my furniture.

She would also let the dog lick her face, mouth etc. Fucking disgusting.

Dogs can tell you a lot about their owner. In her case she was lazy and delusional. Her dog reflected that. She knew it was aggressive but would take it around her friends kids and not tell parents it had bitten. I’d bring up “you’re gonna get sued big time” but why would she care? She didn’t have significant net worth…

Final nail in the coffin was when she let it off a leash and the thing went after my rooster. I just barely pulled it off my rooster before it almost killed it. She didn’t even bother running after the dog as to chased the rooster. Then when I was upset about it and brought up my concerns with her dog she brought up her concerns that “if we’re together I’m afraid you won’t have a relationship with my dog”…… What the fuck? She also tried to gaslight me that I wasn’t a dog person… I grew up with dogs and love them.

I wouldn’t be surprised if she ends up into beastiality with that dog as she approaches her mid 30s and remains single. Who the fuck lets a dog lick their face/lips?

Long story short. There’s shitty dogs and shitty owners out there. This was a case of both. A dog can tell you A LOT about their owner..
 
Fucker

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Foler said:
Dogs can tell you a lot about their owner.
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Foler's dog

150627125003-04-ugliest-dog-0627-super-tease-3026407536.jpg
 
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Kithani said:
Cat people are weirdos and their homes smell like shit
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Both dog and cat houses smell funny to people without pets. And I guess you get used to the fur everywhere because every single dog and cat house if I sit on their couch I leave with pet hair on me.
 
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BrutulTM

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Lambourne said:
There's a substantial overlap in the Venn diagram of dog owners and insecure pricks. Particularly the large, assault weapon type breeds. Add a blacked out, lifted truck and sunglasses at night you basically have the archetypical "please think I'm a badass" bro. Never see cat owners calling people gay for not owning a cat.

I made Grok draw a picture for clarification.

View attachment 580324
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A dude complaining about toxic masculinity on FOH?
 
Metalhead

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A buddy of mine had a mastiff and everything in their house was covered in dried white strings of slobber. I'm a dog guy but jesus christ lol. Sweet dog, though.

My wife and I had a doberman and that was the absolutely the most affectionate dog I've ever owned. I balled like a baby when we finally had to put her down due to old age and medical complications. We haven't had another dog since.
 
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Cutlery

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Metalhead said:
A buddy of mine had a mastiff and everything in their house was covered in dried white strings of slobber. I'm a dog guy but jesus christ lol. Sweet dog, though.

My wife and I had a doberman and that was the absolutely the most affectionate dog I've ever owned. I balled like a baby when we finally had to put her down due to old age and medical complications. We haven't had another dog since.
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Get another one.

Most dogs only have one owner their entire life. They only get to form that bond once. We, fortunately, love long enough to have multiple dogs.

Zelda was the thing I loved most on this planet, and she's gone. The new one can't even compare, her personality is so different, but I have no doubt I'll say the same thing about her when her time comes too.

Which hopefully isn't for another dozen years.
 
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OU Ariakas

OU Ariakas

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Well guys, I have officially entered the world of middle aged divorcee. We started talking about it in October of last year and decided it was the right decision a few months ago. We have gradually become friends living together and not really sharing our lives together outside of the kids. Mine is not a horror story; we split things as evenly as possible right down the middle and she was horrified when I told her that they would ask if she wanted spousal support since I make more than she does. Kids are a 50/50 split and the hardest part was telling them.....except that none of them even cried. I would like to think that it is because we have done a good job with them and never got into screaming matches and always backed the other parent up. I am closing on a new house next week that is less than 2 miles away so it really is as smooth as it could possibly be.
 
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OU Ariakas said:
Well guys, I have officially entered the world of middle aged divorcee. We started talking about it in October of last year and decided it was the right decision a few months ago. We have gradually become friends living together and not really sharing our lives together outside of the kids. Mine is not a horror story; we split things as evenly as possible right down the middle and she was horrified when I told her that they would ask if she wanted spousal support since I make more than she does. Kids are a 50/50 split and the hardest part was telling them.....except that none of them even cried. I would like to think that it is because we have done a good job with them and never got into screaming matches and always backed the other parent up. I am closing on a new house next week that is less than 2 miles away so it really is as smooth as it could possibly be.
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What caused it to drop out of being a romantic partnership? Were there any warning signs?
 
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OU Ariakas

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What caused it to drop out of being a romantic partnership? Were there any warning signs?
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There were probably warning signs, but she bottled things up and would never talk to me. Before our conversation in October she had never, not once, said "this is something that is affecting our marriage and could end it," or something to that effect. When I look back it seems like it was death by a thousand tiny things over a long time that just had us end up that way. She may say otherwise, because she never said it out loud, but it was mutual comfort and the effort of both working and raising 4 small kids that sort of put us slowly on this track.
 
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OU Ariakas said:
There were probably warning signs, but she bottled things up and would never talk to me. Before our conversation in October she had never, not once, said "this is something that is affecting our marriage and could end it," or something to that effect. When I look back it seems like it was death by a thousand tiny things over a long time that just had us end up that way. She may say otherwise, because she never said it out loud, but it was mutual comfort and the effort of both working and raising 4 small kids that sort of put us slowly on this track.
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Hope you don't mind me asking questions, I'm just curious how these things happen, not assigning any blame.

Did she or you try to salvage it in any way and if so what was the response?
 
OU Ariakas

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Hope you don't mind me asking questions, I'm just curious how these things happen, not assigning any blame.

Did she or you try to salvage it in any way and if so what was the response?
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It was weird, I told her that I wanted to make it work and I think I really meant it. But when she started opening up just a little bit it just seemed like she had internalized every single negative thing I had done and made me into a person that she did not want to be around as anything more than a casual friend. Through those talks I realized that if she had no true intimate feelings for me anymore then why would I still want to be around her trying to win something back that she does not want.

I had to be honest with myself and realize that I felt the same way; I was doing all these things because that is what it meant to be married and divorce was not on the table because of the kids. Once the reality of divorce was on the table it truly felt like I wanted it as well.
 
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OU Ariakas said:
It was weird, I told her that I wanted to make it work and I think I really meant it. But when she started opening up just a little bit it just seemed like she had internalized every single negative thing I had done and made me into a person that she did not want to be around as anything more than a casual friend. Through those talks I realized that if she had no true intimate feelings for me anymore then why would I still want to be around her trying to win something back that she does not want.

I had to be honest with myself and realize that I felt the same way; I was doing all these things because that is what it meant to be married and divorce was not on the table because of the kids. Once the reality of divorce was on the table it truly felt like I wanted it as well.
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Sounds like a lot of mutual resentment there, but not a big argument over any big things?

I'm curious how that happens and yet you're still very cordial about the kids and getting along and the money in the divorce. It's an odd combination to have that much resentment that can't be worked through and yet behavior is still like friends and not combative.
 
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OU Ariakas

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Sounds like a lot of mutual resentment there, but not a big argument over any big things?

I'm curious how that happens and yet you're still very cordial about the kids and getting along and the money in the divorce. It's an odd combination to have that much resentment that can't be worked through and yet behavior is still like friends and not combative.
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I think that we both care so much about the kids turning out OK that we are being very pragmatic about it. We have done quite well for ourselves so splitting it down the middle leaves both of us in a very good situation. We both agree that the other is a great parent and we agree on how our kids should turn out, even if we have different views on the day-to-day of how to get there. We were both in agreement that turning this into a nuclear war would just hurt our kids and they are the most important thing to me and her. Finally, I think that we both know that if each of us tried a little harder that we could have been much happier and still together; the resentment is real but the people that we loved enough to marry are still there.
 
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OU Ariakas said:
I think that we both care so much about the kids turning out OK that we are being very pragmatic about it. We have done quite well for ourselves so splitting it down the middle leaves both of us in a very good situation. We both agree that the other is a great parent and we agree on how our kids should turn out, even if we have different views on the day-to-day of how to get there. We were both in agreement that turning this into a nuclear war would just hurt our kids and they are the most important thing to me and her. Finally, I think that we both know that if each of us tried a little harder that we could have been much happier and still together; the resentment is real but the people that we loved enough to marry are still there.
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I mean if you have to divorce this is the way to do it, no doubt. It just seems like a huge bummer that the romantic part can't be figured out because usually the hard part is finding someone you can get along with in this way.

You seem like a totally reasonable dude with your head on straight, I don't think you'll have any issues in the dating market.
 
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OU Ariakas

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Cad said:
I mean if you have to divorce this is the way to do it, no doubt. It just seems like a huge bummer that the romantic part can't be figured out because usually the hard part is finding someone you can get along with in this way.

You seem like a totally reasonable dude with your head on straight, I don't think you'll have any issues in the dating market.
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Yeah, that was the bummer about it for me, too. I think that we could have figured it out, but she seemed pretty adamant that she had the ick and it wasn't going to be fixed.

I'm a dude and I'm going to date because that is what I need to do; but from a life standpoint, I think I am pretty set. I had a really good time in my 20's before I met her and being around for my kids and preparing them for life really is my main goal. So I assume I'm going to have some pretty good stories for the dating thread.
 
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