Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Koushirou

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He got back today. Says he wants a lawyer because he doesn't understand legal documents and is worried because I didn't write anything about the house equity on our division of property stuff and thinks if it's not on there then it'll just not happen or something. Not sure how he's going to afford one, but I'm assuming his family's going to pitch in for it. Lawyers it is, I guess, now. Guess I'll go do some more consults. I tried.
 
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OU Ariakas

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He got back today. Says he wants a lawyer because he doesn't understand legal documents and is worried because I didn't write anything about the house equity on our division of property stuff and thinks if it's not on there then it'll just not happen or something. Not sure how he's going to afford one, but I'm assuming his family's going to pitch in for it. Lawyers it is, I guess, now. Guess I'll go do some more consults. I tried.

Your dude is fucking panicking because he is finally realizing that his comfortable life of doing fuck-all while you work is about to be over. Now he is starting to understand that he will be jobless and have very little runway before he is going to have to find a job and start to be a real adult.....except older and no wiser than the start of adulthood.

Remember to put that loan in as part of the marital liabilities; if he shares in the profit then he also shares in the losses. That means any equity in the house after the mortgage is repaid will go to the loan payoff first and then be split equally between you two once it is done.


EDIT: Just to prepare him; the cost of a non-contested divorce in Texas is around $2500 total. That is for paperwork only. Float by your soon-to-be ex that if he gets a lawyer involved than it is almost guaranteed that any equity that he has in the house will be payed directly to the divorce attorney. The lawyer that took on mine spent the first 15 minutes of a joint call with me and my ex telling us how much better it would be if we agreed beforehand and did not contest the divorce. His words "once it is contested, the only people that are coming out ahead are the lawyers."
 
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sleevedraw

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Cad Cad Any experience with the 415th out in Parker? I get that courts are busy, but we're getting a lot of runaround from the court coordinator with "Oh, I'll send it to the judge" and then her basically going "Whoops, I forgot."

4/11 was when we submitted the original proposed agreement; the judge rejected and said he didn't want us to maintain 50/50 on the house.
Spouse let his attorney go 6/25 (basically all she did was draft the original agreement) and we've both been pro se since then. We amended the agreement to allow my spouse to buy out my equity in the house on the same day. Basically no movement since then.

1754422528552.png


Both me and the ex are on the same page and just want this done/proved up at this point. No kids; I bought out his equity on the car; he's buying out mine on the house. Not really seeing what's so difficult about this.
 

Koushirou

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Your dude is fucking panicking because he is finally realizing that his comfortable life of doing fuck-all while you work is about to be over. Now he is starting to understand that he will be jobless and have very little runway before he is going to have to find a job and start to be a real adult.....except older and no wiser than the start of adulthood.

Remember to put that loan in as part of the marital liabilities; if he shares in the profit then he also shares in the losses. That means any equity in the house after the mortgage is repaid will go to the loan payoff first and then be split equally between you two once it is done.


EDIT: Just to prepare him; the cost of a non-contested divorce in Texas is around $2500 total. That is for paperwork only. Float by your soon-to-be ex that if he gets a lawyer involved than it is almost guaranteed that any equity that he has in the house will be payed directly to the divorce attorney. The lawyer that took on mine spent the first 15 minutes of a joint call with me and my ex telling us how much better it would be if we agreed beforehand and did not contest the divorce. His words "once it is contested, the only people that are coming out ahead are the lawyers."
I already floated the numbers by him of what it could potentially cost if we went the lawyer route. That consult that I had before I just hand-waved as me asking about the viability of just mediating it and how much it would cost if we didn't. I got quoted $3500 for basic paperwork, essentially and told him as much and also told him we should probably try to avoid that because it's expensive. However, reason and logic have unfortunately never been part of his repertoire and if he wants to do something, he's going to just do it. And if he's going to lawyer up, well then I guess I have to, too. I just wanted this stupid shit done and over with, but I guess I can't have that, either.
 
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Cad

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Cad Cad Any experience with the 415th out in Parker? I get that courts are busy, but we're getting a lot of runaround from the court coordinator with "Oh, I'll send it to the judge" and then her basically going "Whoops, I forgot."

4/11 was when we submitted the original proposed agreement; the judge rejected and said he didn't want us to maintain 50/50 on the house.
Spouse let his attorney go 6/25 (basically all she did was draft the original agreement) and we've both been pro se since then. We amended the agreement to allow my spouse to buy out my equity in the house on the same day. Basically no movement since then.

View attachment 596922

Both me and the ex are on the same page and just want this done/proved up at this point. No kids; I bought out his equity on the car; he's buying out mine on the house. Not really seeing what's so difficult about this.
I've been out to Parker a couple of times, and the rural counties kinda do their own thing. 415th is a court of general jurisdiction, so they handle criminal and civil and family cases.

I think you just need to call and schedule a prove-up hearing. Don't try to explain what your case is about or anything, just say, hey I need dates for a divorce prove up hearing, we have an agreement, we are pro se.
 
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Cad

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Money transfers are in progress to my other accounts.
If you haven't yet, I'd change the locks or combos on anything you don't want him accessing (don't lock him out of the house, that comes with its own issues) but safes, padlocks, bank account passwords, computers, etc etc...

If he's on any credit cards, any bank accounts, remove him.
 
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Koushirou

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If you haven't yet, I'd change the locks or combos on anything you don't want him accessing (don't lock him out of the house, that comes with its own issues) but safes, padlocks, bank account passwords, computers, etc etc...

If he's on any credit cards, any bank accounts, remove him.
Thankfully, all that's been entirely separate this whole time. Neither of us are on each others' CCs or anything, separate logins and accounts for everything, etc.
 

stupidmonkey

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Can full stack, but yeah. No luck yet, but haven't exactly been trying as hard as I should, either. Might be getting some 1099 work here shortly, though.
I can hook you up with some recruiters for remote if you want. We might have something available too depending on your resume. If you're full stack and SE-SSE then around 150-200k range.
 
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Cutlery

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I got divorced a little less than 7 years ago. Ended up 100k in debt, between paying out equity and absorbing her fucking credit card debt. She thankfully ended up keeping her student loans (which she tried to pawn off on me as well, but I told her if they were a marital debt, then her degree is a marital asset, and she reconsidered).

Paid off the last loan this month. I have 5k left sitting on a 0% interest credit card, which I'm not terribly worried about, it'll get paid off before the interest hits. Kinda crazy, Crazy that it took so long, and crazy that it only took that long. It's not like I make great money or anything, I just make money.

I kept the house, kept my pension (which I put into an IRA that's now up 40% - almost keeps up with inflation!), got one of the kids (other one is at the age where she's not ready to see reason yet - but I figure keeping 50% of your kids is about all you can ask for). I needed my '04 Ram to last (it did), I needed my dog born in '11 to last (she almost did), and I told the new gal I wanted to pay off one marriage before I got another one, and I did that too. What a fucking slog. I might have some money to do something with!

It might sound fucking retarded to jump back into it, but there's a huge difference this time. My ex was always doubting me and doubting us. "Oh, I'm not sure you can do that, you better call a professional" Fuck - more money and more stress I don't need. This one is my biggest cheerleader. "You can do it. I'll help." The first slowly kills a man. The second makes him unstoppable. I knocked the whole south wall of my house out to fix a leaking window - and it's water and airtight today. Do you know how fucking terrifying of a project that is? I didn't realize how many hobbies I had/wanted that I couldn't do because the ex was standing in the way. My garage is now a full on woodworking shop, turning a giant tree that was killing my tomatos into beautiful furniture. I've got a reloading bench where she meticulously measures powder for me whenever I sit down at it. I built a gym in the basement and she tells me "You need to go lift, you'll feel better." I play chess every monday night and I'm getting pretty fucking good at it, and she makes homemade crunchwraps for me every week. This one isn't destroying me, isn't poisoning my very soul. This one encourages me to be better and helps get shit outta my way and takes things off my plate so I can focus on the important tasks.

If you're gonna get married, it should be for that.
 
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Koushirou

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I got divorced a little less than 7 years ago. Ended up 100k in debt, between paying out equity and absorbing her fucking credit card debt. She thankfully ended up keeping her student loans (which she tried to pawn off on me as well, but I told her if they were a marital debt, then her degree is a marital asset, and she reconsidered).

Paid off the last loan this month. I have 5k left sitting on a 0% interest credit card, which I'm not terribly worried about, it'll get paid off before the interest hits. Kinda crazy, Crazy that it took so long, and crazy that it only took that long. It's not like I make great money or anything, I just make money.

I kept the house, kept my pension (which I put into an IRA that's now up 40% - almost keeps up with inflation!), got one of the kids (other one is at the age where she's not ready to see reason yet - but I figure keeping 50% of your kids is about all you can ask for). I needed my '04 Ram to last (it did), I needed my dog born in '11 to last (she almost did), and I told the new gal I wanted to pay off one marriage before I got another one, and I did that too. What a fucking slog. I might have some money to do something with!

It might sound fucking retarded to jump back into it, but there's a huge difference this time. My ex was always doubting me and doubting us. "Oh, I'm not sure you can do that, you better call a professional" Fuck - more money and more stress I don't need. This one is my biggest cheerleader. "You can do it. I'll help." The first slowly kills a man. The second makes him unstoppable. I knocked the whole south wall of my house out to fix a leaking window - and it's water and airtight today. Do you know how fucking terrifying of a project that is? I didn't realize how many hobbies I had/wanted that I couldn't do because the ex was standing in the way. My garage is now a full on woodworking shop, turning a giant tree that was killing my tomatos into beautiful furniture. I've got a reloading bench where she meticulously measures powder for me whenever I sit down at it. I built a gym in the basement and she tells me "You need to go lift, you'll feel better." I play chess every monday night and I'm getting pretty fucking good at it, and she makes homemade crunchwraps for me every week. This one isn't destroying me, isn't poisoning my very soul. This one encourages me to be better and helps get shit outta my way and takes things off my plate so I can focus on the important tasks.

If you're gonna get married, it should be for that.
Hoping this round goes better for you. She sounds wonderful.
 
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Control

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I got divorced a little less than 7 years ago. Ended up 100k in debt, between paying out equity and absorbing her fucking credit card debt. She thankfully ended up keeping her student loans (which she tried to pawn off on me as well, but I told her if they were a marital debt, then her degree is a marital asset, and she reconsidered).

Paid off the last loan this month. I have 5k left sitting on a 0% interest credit card, which I'm not terribly worried about, it'll get paid off before the interest hits. Kinda crazy, Crazy that it took so long, and crazy that it only took that long. It's not like I make great money or anything, I just make money.

I kept the house, kept my pension (which I put into an IRA that's now up 40% - almost keeps up with inflation!), got one of the kids (other one is at the age where she's not ready to see reason yet - but I figure keeping 50% of your kids is about all you can ask for). I needed my '04 Ram to last (it did), I needed my dog born in '11 to last (she almost did), and I told the new gal I wanted to pay off one marriage before I got another one, and I did that too. What a fucking slog. I might have some money to do something with!

It might sound fucking retarded to jump back into it, but there's a huge difference this time. My ex was always doubting me and doubting us. "Oh, I'm not sure you can do that, you better call a professional" Fuck - more money and more stress I don't need. This one is my biggest cheerleader. "You can do it. I'll help." The first slowly kills a man. The second makes him unstoppable. I knocked the whole south wall of my house out to fix a leaking window - and it's water and airtight today. Do you know how fucking terrifying of a project that is? I didn't realize how many hobbies I had/wanted that I couldn't do because the ex was standing in the way. My garage is now a full on woodworking shop, turning a giant tree that was killing my tomatos into beautiful furniture. I've got a reloading bench where she meticulously measures powder for me whenever I sit down at it. I built a gym in the basement and she tells me "You need to go lift, you'll feel better." I play chess every monday night and I'm getting pretty fucking good at it, and she makes homemade crunchwraps for me every week. This one isn't destroying me, isn't poisoning my very soul. This one encourages me to be better and helps get shit outta my way and takes things off my plate so I can focus on the important tasks.

If you're gonna get married, it should be for that.
1754452805977.png

1754452837733.png
 
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Lanx

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Cad Cad Any experience with the 415th out in Parker? I get that courts are busy, but we're getting a lot of runaround from the court coordinator with "Oh, I'll send it to the judge" and then her basically going "Whoops, I forgot."

4/11 was when we submitted the original proposed agreement; the judge rejected and said he didn't want us to maintain 50/50 on the house.
Spouse let his attorney go 6/25 (basically all she did was draft the original agreement) and we've both been pro se since then. We amended the agreement to allow my spouse to buy out my equity in the house on the same day. Basically no movement since then.

View attachment 596922

Both me and the ex are on the same page and just want this done/proved up at this point. No kids; I bought out his equity on the car; he's buying out mine on the house. Not really seeing what's so difficult about this.
what? no more chinese food for you? oh well you still get to keep your asian pass, lord knows how long you've put up w/ a gaysian
 

Hoss

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I planned to get some lists together showing the amount of money I've paid into the house for mortgage/insurance/down payment/mortgage insurance payoff/etc., vet bills/pet supplies, house maintenance, car insurance, and any other category I can think of to be able to present just how much more money I put into each bit of what should have been joint spending versus what he actually contributed, not even considering stuff like groceries, meals out, etc.
Do they have alimony in your state? Because it looks like you're setting yourself up for alimony.
 

Koushirou

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Do they have alimony in your state? Because it looks like you're setting yourself up for alimony.
It does. As far as I know he's not asking for spousal support. We did have another talk today about how he just wants a lawyer's help to amend some of the paperwork and add a demand for me to a buy him a table and chairs. He did mention that he could ask for my 401k and savings, but he's not going to, but he wants his house equity. Still going to have a lawyer of my own just in case. If he does end up asking for it, what would he even get out of me? Some % of my UI bennies, I guess while it lasts?