Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Cad

Cad

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Koushirou said:
It does. As far as I know he's not asking for spousal support. We did have another talk today about how he just wants a lawyer's help to amend some of the paperwork and add a demand for me to a buy him a table and chairs. He did mention that he could ask for my 401k and savings, but he's not going to, but he wants his house equity. Still going to have a lawyer of my own just in case. If he does end up asking for it, what would he even get out of me? Some % of my UI bennies, I guess while it lasts?
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Divorce is 100% about assets, not income. The court will make a table of marital assets and separate assets (assets are generally presumed to be marital unless you can prove they are separate) and split them all 50/50.

If you earned your 401k money while married, half of it is his. If you earned and contributed to your savings while married, half of it is his. Half the house equity is his. It does not make any difference who paid for it or whose account it came out of. Earned during marriage = 50/50.

And Lanx Lanx is correct, if he's mentioning those things like "I could do so and so" type of talk, then you should count on the fact that he will. Plan for worst case and prepare for that and if it comes out better, great.
 
Koushirou

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Yeah, I'm just trying desperately to hold onto some hopium that I don't come out of this completely fucked, but yeah sounds like I'm boned whatever I do. I always understood why guys noped the fuck out of marriage; just sucks to have to live it, too.
 
Kithani

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Koushirou said:
Yeah, I'm just trying desperately to hold onto some hopium that I don't come out of this completely fucked, but yeah sounds like I'm boned whatever I do. I always understood why guys noped the fuck out of marriage; just sucks to have to live it, too.
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You’re still young you’re gonna come out of it way better than he is in the long run once you land on your feet
 
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Gutterflesh

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I tried to write some words of encouragement, but couldn't really come up with anything.

So I bailed out of this thread, went over to twitter for my daily dose of WTF and the first post I see is this.
 
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Hoss

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Koushirou said:
It does. As far as I know he's not asking for spousal support. We did have another talk today about how he just wants a lawyer's help to amend some of the paperwork and add a demand for me to a buy him a table and chairs. He did mention that he could ask for my 401k and savings, but he's not going to, but he wants his house equity. Still going to have a lawyer of my own just in case. If he does end up asking for it, what would he even get out of me? Some % of my UI bennies, I guess while it lasts?
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Is it possible for you both to get a lawyer lite of some kind? Like a paralegal? Cad Cad is that a retarded idea, or would it work?

I mean one paralegal to act like a neutral mediator and dot all the T's and cross all the i's for the judge. But both of you getting your own instead of a lawyer might be almost as good. I'm assuming paralegals can't argue cases in front of a judge. That's why I think it might be safer.
 
Hoss

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Cad said:
Divorce is 100% about assets, not income. The court will make a table of marital assets and separate assets (assets are generally presumed to be marital unless you can prove they are separate) and split them all 50/50.

If you earned your 401k money while married, half of it is his. If you earned and contributed to your savings while married, half of it is his. Half the house equity is his. It does not make any difference who paid for it or whose account it came out of. Earned during marriage = 50/50.
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Can you give an easy example or 2 of provable separate assets?

Out of curiosity, if you owned the house before marriage, is all equity in it still split, or do you do the calculations to figure out how much you paid before marriage?
 
Sludig

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Big Phoenix said:
Never comingle.
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I think the problem is even with a lot of her stuff clearly seperate, still gets split. Only way that works if yall agreed and have it on paper to have any hope if it later gets contested. Though I agree, we do better having our stuff seperate.
 
Kithani

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Separate finances is weird if you’re married.

I make 2x what my wife does but it’s both our $, just like my lawyer Cad Cad told me her chocolate cake slice is 50% mine!
 
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Falstaff

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Hoss said:
Is it possible for you both to get a lawyer lite of some kind? Like a paralegal? Cad Cad is that a retarded idea, or would it work?

I mean one paralegal to act like a neutral mediator and dot all the T's and cross all the i's for the judge. But both of you getting your own instead of a lawyer might be almost as good. I'm assuming paralegals can't argue cases in front of a judge. That's why I think it might be safer.
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Friends of ours got divorced recently and they did this. One lawyer to look over the paperwork and file everything. Saved them money. Was surprised how amicable the divorce was considering how toxic the marriage was.
 
Koushirou

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I tried for a long time to get our finances combined, but he always wanted his separate because he didn't want to be told what he could do with his money. Of course, it just became a scenario of having our money and his money. Obvious red flag that I ignored, but I never claimed to be smart.
 
Fucker

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Koushirou said:
I tried for a long time to get our finances combined, but he always wanted his separate because he didn't want to be told what he could do with his money. Of course, it just became a scenario of having our money and his money. Obvious red flag that I ignored, but I never claimed to be smart.
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His half of your money.

That guy needs a severe beating.
 
Cad

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Hoss said:
Can you give an easy example or 2 of provable separate assets?

Out of curiosity, if you owned the house before marriage, is all equity in it still split, or do you do the calculations to figure out how much you paid before marriage?
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Its going to depend on state by state (I'm not even sure WV is a community property state) but for example in Texas, a house owned prior to marriage, paid for entirely by separate funds and paid for by separate funds throughout the marriage is separate property. Inheritances are separate property (if not comingled). Investment accounts that pre-date the marriage and are not contributed to with marital property...

But if you comingle separate property and marital/community property, it becomes community property. If you owned a house beforehand but you pay the mortgage and insurance and maintenance with community property... it becomes community property.

It is actually stupendously difficult to maintain separate property and very few people do it effectively.
 
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