Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Well it seems like people regularly get taken back to court by moms, and even if she doesn't "win" it forces dad to deal with a whole bunch of hassles and more legal fees. Anecdotally, but doesn't seem uncommon.

Famm_sl said:

Well it seems like people regularly get taken back to court by moms, and even if she doesn't "win" it forces dad to deal with a whole bunch of hassles and more legal fees. Anecdotally, but doesn't seem uncommon.

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Any time the court gets to decide, it's a roll of the dice; that is true. She could even do some fucked up stuff like made-up accusations of abuse or "bad touch". It does happen, especially if the ex is a hideous shell of a human being. Hopefully that isn't the case here.

I wouldn't worry until she actually lawyers up. And even then, the law is on his side. It would suck, but the odds are in his favor.

That doesn't make sense to me. Why should you be penalized for what happens in your life after a divorce? Isn't the entire concept of alimony so that the woman can live the same way she was living previously (even if the man has to make huge reductions to his own life in order to accommodate the courts orders)? Granted, I'm not a lawyer, but going after something that has changed for the man that didn't exist at all while he was married to the woman, seems like a huge red flag. But that's just me.

Xarpolis_sl said:

That doesn't make sense to me. Why should you be penalized for what happens in your life after a divorce? Isn't the entire concept of alimony so that the woman can live the same way she was living previously (even if the man has to make huge reductions to his own life in order to accommodate the courts orders)? Granted, I'm not a lawyer, but going after something that has changed for the man that didn't exist at all while he was married to the woman, seems like a huge red flag. But that's just me.

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Child support isn't alimony. Child support is based on your income. I posted it before, but just recently Halle Berry was ordered to pay over $5 million in support over 12 years to her ex boyfriend.

You did get off pretty lucky Onoes. Is the money you're paying legally binding or just something you guys had a verbal contract over?

She can revisit this in court, but only if there is just cause. She can't just show up and say "need more money lol plz" for no reason. Unless of course this was just a verbal thing, in which case you could get fucked.

I remember giving the advice that once she talked to other people she'd realize everyone else is getting more and want to ride the gravy train that you were already providing just a little more.

This is the most terrifying aspect of marriage to me.

Phazael_sl said:

Yeah that sort of tracks with what we were all telling you a while back. Basically, she is taking a break from swinging from dick to dick and wonders why no one is paying her bills like either you or daddy have for her entire existence. Time to batten down the hatches, because she is working up the gumption to fuck with you down the road. My guess is that her plan to upgrade didn't pan out and now she is trying to rationalize in her mind a justification for squeezing more out of you. In fact, that whole conversation leads me to believe that my initial suspicion (she fucked around before you divorced) is correct.

On one hand, you are likely about to get fucked with emotionally and financially. On the other hand, good thing you got out when you did.

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Motherfucking Ms Cleo up in here

Let's not forget her most egregious error.. not sucking Onoes dick but immediately going to sucking a cops dick after separation. That is some bullshit.

NoodleAnus_sl said:

Let's not forget her most egregious error.. not sucking Onoes dick but immediately going to sucking a cops dick after separation. That is some bullshit.

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I can see this statement being a strong defense in court.

Like Mike Birbiglia would say:
"Your honor she said she wouldn't have sex with me!"
"WHAT? These bitches think they can get away with anything!"

Soygen_sl said:

What seems like that? Reading about it on the internet? For every story of a "mom" swindling some poor mope out of his hard-earned cash, I hear twenty about deadbeat dads. Is the system stacked against dudes? Maybe, but you can blame that on all the shitty dudes. Unfortunately, sometimes good guys get caught up in the maelstrom.

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I meant it seems like that with people I've known personally. Sure there's lots of deadbeat dads, but I don't associate with them myself. The guys I usually meet have gone through divorces where the ex started slutting about and partying and next thing you know divorce. In those situations, when the kids are younger especially, I've heard the stories of getting dragged back to court repeatedly and having to defend themselves. It sorta sounds like you might as well quit work or work under the table if you're a laborer because having a paycheck just ensures constant drama over the support.

Xequecal_sl said:

Child support isn't alimony. Child support is based on your income. I posted it before, but just recently Halle Berry was ordered to pay over $5 million in support over 12 years to her ex boyfriend.

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I think alimony is different in every state too. Some are very reluctant to use it almost ever and others more liberal with it. Its really a throwback to a different time when wives/mothers just didn't work and women in general really didn't have significant earning power, which is why some places have gotten stingy about it in this modern world of two paycheck families and more equal pay. My understanding is here they don't give it out that much and its usually extreme circumstances. Like you make five times as much as her and/or she has spent twenty years raising the kids and now she's older with no real work experience or skills. I also gather that the Courts here lean towards it being a very temporary measure to get her back on her feet, not permanent for life. And that if she remarries the alimony thing is terminated immediately.

(I'm no lawyer though.)

I assume child support amounts change depending on the age of the kids too? For example a 6 month old is going to require way less money to take care of than a 12 year old. Does the amount you pay change over time or do you need to go back to court to change it?

Famm_sl said:

I think alimony is different in every state too. Some are very reluctant to use it almost ever and others more liberal with it. Its really a throwback to a different time when wives/mothers just didn't work and women in general really didn't have significant earning power, which is why some places have gotten stingy about it in this modern world of two paycheck families and more equal pay. My understanding is here they don't give it out that much and its usually extreme circumstances. Like you make five times as much as her and/or she has spent twenty years raising the kids and now she's older with no real work experience or skills. I also gather that the Courts here lean towards it being a very temporary measure to get her back on her feet, not permanent for life. And that if she remarries the alimony thing is terminated immediately.

(I'm no lawyer though.)

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This syncs up with my understanding of it. In TX, you have to be married for 10 years before alimony is even possible. Then, it is need-based and has a time limit, along with a caps on max amount and max % of income.

The classic horror story is the scumbag ex-wife who was cheating prior to divorce, gets alimony, then shacks up with new dick and refuses to marry just to bilk the poor bastard she already fucked over. No idea how real or common that scenario is. My guess is that family law gets a worse rep than necessary because you typically hear one-sided accounts from people in a bad situation, and you only hear the worst examples.

lindz_sl said:

I assume child support amounts change depending on the age of the kids too? For example a 6 month old is going to require way less money to take care of than a 12 year old. Does the amount you pay change over time or do you need to go back to court to change it?

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DISCLAIMER: I'm not a lawyer.

According to this, you can either go to court (if you disagree) or go through a bureaucratic process (if you agree).

Arbitration with a Magistrate I assume. Legally binding, but it's not the full on rigamarole of court.

lindz_sl said:

I assume child support amounts change depending on the age of the kids too? For example a 6 month old is going to require way less money to take care of than a 12 year old. Does the amount you pay change over time or do you need to go back to court to change it?

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I thought child support wasmostlya function of income and percent of physical custody time. So like a guy with his kids every other week pays less than someone who has them one weekend a month, but overall the greater disparity in incomes the more you pay out. IDK, there's like worksheets the lawyers fill out to determine this shit under state laws.

Phazael_sl said:

Correct me if I am wrong, but none of Onoes agreement with her was legally binding and it was all verbal contract.

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I remember everyone telling that Brad guy the same thing, but don't recall with Onoes specifically. IDK what happened to Brad though, he never came back with any horror stories and that was all years ago. Don't think he even posts anymore. I recall the consensus being with Brad that everything he paid her on the buddy system would not count if she decided to go to court and make it official,andhe would owe back support for all the years he was paying her unofficially with no credit for the honor system they were using. Ohnoes' mileage may vary though of course.