Vuuxo
Scaphism
- 3,284
- 10,591
I want a movie of He-Man just sitting in very crowded public places and public transportation, man-spreading for 2 hours because fuck the patri...feminism or whatever.
“I am Adam… Prince of Eternia… defender of Castle Grayskull… and undisputed menace of the 8:05 a.m. subway.”
camera pans down
“My father thinks I spend my days protecting the realm… but in truth… I wage a different kind of war.”
cut to Adam sitting on public transit, legs already suspiciously wide
“No one suspects that when I board this train… I carry with me a power… too great for confined seating.”
ominous music builds
“When the car fills… when the last open seat is taken… when personal space becomes a distant memory…”
Adam slowly grips his sword
“I raise my weapon and declare—”
‘BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!’
FLASH—TRANSFORMATION
“I HAVE THE POWER!”
He-Man now sits… legs spreading with divine authority, consuming 2.5 seats minimum
“Behold! Maximum lateral expansion! No armrest can contain me! No commuter can challenge me!”
nearby passengers visibly crushed into geometric impossibilities
“I am He-Man! Master of Quadriceps! Lord of Unnecessary Territory!”
A poor commuter tries to sit
He-Man (without looking): “You may have… the edge.”
they get 2 inches of seat
“Only a few know my secret… like Man-At-Arms, who avoids eye contact… and Orko, who simply vanishes when I sit down.”
He-Man turns to camera, dead serious
“And if you find yourself beside me on your daily commute…”
leans slightly wider
“…you will learn the true meaning of sacrifice.”
beat
“For I… have the space.”
