My son's friend hit's his mother...Mother kicks son out. Now friend over my house.

Brahma

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My son MIGHT be made to read this, along with his friend tonight/tomorrow once I edit after answers. So they can see the my logic when things don't go well. Please don't quote the OP.

Long story short, the boy lets my son and another boy into his house without permission. He climbs thru the window because the mother will not give son key. Mother gets upset as she comes home to three 13 Y.O's in the house without permission. Boy and mother gets into argument. Boy hits mother. Mother calls police. Police come over. Police make the boy leave the house. (Yeah, I know. WTF) The OTHER boys mother picks up all three kids, and brings them to my house.

The 2nd mother is irate because when she arrives the police are there, and she can't believe her son would hang with such a child. /eyeroll. She explains the situation, and wants to know if the boy who hits mother can stay with me. Of course he can.

I obviously talk to the boy. Punch him in the chest. Tell him that his mother felt as helpless as he does now. How does it feel. I go see his mother so she knows where her son is. Give my name/number/address. She refuses to have her son stay with her. I wasn't expecting this. Tell her he can stay the weekend, but please make arrangements for the boy to stay somewhere.

The boys has zero males in his life from all the conversations I have had the last couple hours. There is like a zero chance the mother will make arrangements for the boy. They are a "poor" family from what I can tell of the neighborhood, and the state of the home. (I'm guessing here)

Two problems. I REALLY am in no mood to be this boy surrogate father. I need something to say that MIGHT get thru to him and make him understand. I also don't want my son influenced by this boy. Though I think my son is smart/mature enough to get it. He seems to thus far. Do I tell my son stay away from this kid? Or let my son rub off on him.

Come Monday, if the boy is still with me...what are my options? Be realistic. I will make several attempts to speak with the mother to allow the boy home...but that might not happen.

Thoughts guys?
 
Himeo

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Go out of your way to get him involved in a sport with your son. It will give him character, burn off excess energy, and improve him physically and mentally.

It sounds like the mother isn't raising the kid properly. That's not something you can solve, and it's going to be a chip on that kid's shoulders the rest of his life. Most kids in his situation don't know how to deal with that, end up looking for stability outside the home, end up making the wrong kind of friends, and end up in jail or on drugs, etc.

Get him in sports. Give him an outlet to blow off steam. Or keep your son away from him and wash your hands as another boy from a single parent house falls through the cracks and gets ground up by the system.
 
Khane

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How is it that your son is such good friends with a child you know nothing about?
 
TomServo

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Himeo_sl said:
Go out of your way to get him involved in a sport with your son. It will give him character, burn off excess energy, and improve him physically and mentally.

It sounds like the mother isn't raising the kid properly. That's not something you can solve, and it's going to be a chip on that kid's shoulders the rest of his life. Most kids in his situation don't know how to deal with that, end up looking for stability outside the home, end up making the wrong kind of friends, and end up in jail or on drugs, etc.

Get him in sports. Give him an outlet to blow off steam. Or keep your son away from him and wash your hands as another boy from a single parent house falls through the cracks and gets ground up by the system.
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he's a kid, not a fucking puppy.
 
Brahma

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Khane_sl said:
How is it that your son is such good friends with a child you know nothing about?
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I can't know em all that well man. From the couple times I have met this boy, it's been "Hi Mr. Brahma. Yes sir Mr. Brahma".
 
Nester

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You dont need options, You are doing your duty this weekend. Get the kid off to school on Monday morning and go from there. Take this opportunity to have a long talk with your kid to reafirm all the good thigns you seem to be doing so far.


It would be interesting to know the context of how he hit his monther, there are small hits and there are big hits. I cant imagine calling the police on a family member (let alone child) for a punch.


edit -

Your not going to get the real advice you need on this on my friend. You know there are two options for you (lots for him and his mom) those are let him stay or let him go. Sounds like you know what you need to do but are struggling sad truth of doing it and the consequenses for the child. Its an insanly hard position to be in for a caring father. I wish you good luck.
 
Brahma

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Nester_sl said:
You dont need options, You are doing your duty this weekend. Get the kid off to school on Monday morning and go from there. Take this opportunity to have a long talk with your kid to reafirm all the good thigns you seem to be doing so far.


It would be interesting to know the context of how he hit his monther, there are small hits and there are big hits. I cant imagine calling the police on a family member (let alone child) for a punch.
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I can tell you this. He grabbed a bat. My son stepped in and snatched him up, and takes the bat. Boy reaches around my son and punches mother. There were no bruises on the mother that I can see. The boy is like 160 5'8"? Mother is like 5'5" 120?
 
Nester

Nester

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Brahma_sl said:
I can tell you this. He grabbed a bat. My son stepped in and snatched him up, and takes the bat. Boy reaches around my son and punches mother. There were no bruises on the mother that I can see.
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yikes. I ninja'a edit'd as you quoted me.
 
chthonic-anemos

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He's going to end up in the system one way or another. At least this way it won't be in handcuffs and someone will take the time to listen.
 
R

Rais

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The kid is beyond hope if he hits his mother over him breaking a rule of hers. What else has he done that no one knows about? Rape 3 white chicks? Murder a 7/11 owner? Hes on his way to gang banging or joining ISIS. Threaten to send him to Chicago wearing pink if he still wants to act like a bitch.

All of that was half kidding. The fact he punched his mother over breaking that rule, well he has thug in him. All a father figure will do now is either beat the kids ass everyday for being a smart ass punk with no hope for love from his family. You don't need a father figure to know punching your own mother is fucked up. Some people are just bad, and it sounds like he is one.

What about your son? You would think he would know the difference between right and wrong if he is climbing through a window to someone else's house. If anything will help, a good influence that are close friends of this kid would help. Have a talk with your son and teach him not to enable his friend to do dumb thug shit.
 
Julian The Apostate

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Have a conversation with your son and his friend(your step-son, jk) about expectations for behavior over the weekend and make it clear to them both that it's just for the weekend.

I would emphasize the "just the weekend" part. Also, suggest that he make a sincere apology to his mother that includes a plan with measureable changes in his behavior and willingness to stick to said plan. IE "mom I'm really sorry and I will not have friends over unless I ask your permission. I'll do my homework and Ohh yeah, I won't hit you again."

I would probably help him plan out the list of behavioral changes so his mother sees he gives a shit. All the time stressing that he doesn't have any other options other than making up with his mom.

Edit: I would also try to get this kid out of you and your sons life. I know that's easier said then done. This kid has a tough road ahead and probably not a great future.
 
Gavinmad

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Brahma_sl said:
I need to say also, the boy is VERY smart
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Who the hell do you think you're kidding with this?

Brahma_sl said:
I can tell you this. He grabbed a bat. My son stepped in and snatched him up, and takes the bat. Boy reaches around my son and punches mother. There were no bruises on the mother that I can see. The boy is like 160 5'8"? Mother is like 5'5" 120?
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Second quote makes the first quote impossible. Throw that piece of shit out of your house and quit deluding yourself that you can keep him out of the prison/early grave he's destined for before he rips you off or gets your son into serious trouble.

I mean what the fuck. I was a TERRIBLE kid at that age once I got too big to spank, shouting matches, punching holes in my door, even pissed my mom off enough to take a closed fist swing at me at least once. Never once did I think about swinging at her, shoving her, or even putting my hands on her in any way. I can't even imagine the kind of fucked up waste of life who goes after his mother with a baseball bat. That kid is already ruined. You seem to take pretty damn good care of your own kid, and part of taking good care of your kid means keeping him the hell away from this one.
 
Brahma

Brahma

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Gavinmad_sl said:
Who the hell do you think you're kidding with this?



Second quote makes the first quote impossible. Throw that piece of shit out of your house and quit deluding yourself that you can keep him out of the prison/early grave he's destined for before he rips you off or gets your son into serious trouble.

I mean what the fuck. I was a TERRIBLE kid at that age once I got too big to spank, shouting matches, punching holes in my door, even pissed my mom off enough to take a closed fist swing at me at least once. Never once did I think about swinging at her, shoving her, or even putting my hands on her in any way. I can't even imagine the kind of fucked up waste of life who goes after his mother with a baseball bat. That kid is already ruined. You seem to take pretty damn good care of your own kid, and part of taking good care of your kid means keeping him the hell away from this one.
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Christ man you have no faith. Are you serious? You don't believe a kid that has issues at age 13 can be turned around with the right influence? Boys father left mother with 4 sons. Mother looks like she is struggling. Clearly no help what so ever even from a system that is made for a family like this. Fucks sake even the cops fucked up IMO.

The boy is book smart so my son says. To hear him speak he is not a dummy. Very well spoken. I believe my son.

Christ you are one jaded son of a bitch. Go hug a hobo or some shit.
 
ZyyzYzzy

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Plot twist. The kid is white.

The only thing I suggest is talking to your son about what happened so that he no longer spends time with that kid.
 
lurkingdirk

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Kid stays in that situation, not much hope for him. That makes me sad. Fucking lack of rules about who can procreate.
 
Gravy

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Gavinmad_sl said:
Who the hell do you think you're kidding with this?
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I'm not sure why you think he couldn't be very smart. I've known plenty of smart kids that fucked their lives away.

Kids that miss out on dependable, consistent parenting don't have the tools to know how to deal with life.
 
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