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Discussion in 'Grown Up Stuff & Business' started by Arative, Jul 30, 2016.

  1. Woefully Inept Well-Known Member

    Woefully Inept
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    Holy hell my wife would have lost her goddamn mind if that were to happen to us. lol
    Big time grats for that self delivery!
     
  2. Lanx 周潤發
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    [​IMG]

    but let's be real, wifey get's MVP
    [​IMG]
     
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  3. Prodigal Shitlord, Offender of the Universe
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    Damn Noodle congrats, glad all is well and Happy Father's Day to all y'all.
     
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  4. Woefully Inept Well-Known Member

    Woefully Inept
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    Yesterday I spent the day and night at my cousins with another friend and we played various table top games and rocket league. While high of course. Had the event planned for over a month squeezed in before my surgery on 7/3.
    I was very relieved to her from my wife saying bed time went smoothly. She was worried he'd throw a fit. He goes to bed easier for me than her most times. It's ridiculous.
    Coming home in the morning, walking through the door, and seeing the little guy with a giant smile running at you makes ALL the bullshit times worth it. Fine have a fit because you didn't know how to squeeze the bottom of the goddamn applesauce pouch! He flips out about the most absurd stuff sometimes. lol
    And the best Father's Day gift lately is he's sleeping like a champ again. Sleep has been a luxury at times.
     
    #6344 Woefully Inept, Jun 18, 2017
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2017
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  5. ToeMissile Active Member

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    So much of this.
     
  6. chaos nazi mods fuck off
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    Holy shit Noodle, your wife's hardcore as fuck. Congrats, that's amazing.
     
  7. Cad scientia potentia est
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    Props!

    And congrats!
     
  8. Noodleface Delicious Noodles
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    Thanks everyone, it was the craziest event of my life. Almost thought the news would show up.
     
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  9. Cad scientia potentia est
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    Did she really not expect it to come out? Why didn't she lay down? How did the catch end up happening?
     
  10. Noodleface Delicious Noodles
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    Ok man I'll break it down.

    She had contractions early on but when she called the obgyn told her they're far enough apart that she should wait a few hours and call back. In 2 hours the pain was unbeatable but they were 2 minutes apart. She said "I think we need to go now, but let me go to the bathroom first". I said ok and started preparing our stuff.

    Her water broke on the toilet.

    At this point 911 was immediately called. The firehouse is 5 minutes from my house. The guy on the call told me to have her lay down but she was paralyzed standing up and he said that's ok just comfort her. He instructed me to drop the call, unlock the door, and comfort my wife. At this point 3 minutes had past from water breaking.

    30 seconds after getting off the call my wife had a blood curdling scream and said "HES COMING!!!"

    I told her to lie down and she couldn't. Her body pushed again involuntarily and she put her arms down and I had my hands down there too and the baby completely slid out and into her hands. It took 2 pushes for the entire baby to shoot out.

    At this point I called 911 and told him to get those guys to hurry the fuck up. I flagged them down within 30 seconds of birth.

    This entire ordeal took 5 minutes or less. It was surreal.

    It wasn't a long drawn out thing and certainly no one thought the baby would just shoot out like that.

    Also want to add this. My wife almost bled out in my tub. Additionally, my child almost died. His temp was 93 degrees when they got to the hospital and they couldn't raise it for a long time.

    I cleaned up the murder scene in my house and I've never been hit with such a raw power of almost losing something like that.
     
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  11. Big_w_powah Well-Known Member

    Big_w_powah
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    Holy fuck..
     
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  12. Prodigal Shitlord, Offender of the Universe
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    Yeah, need a holy fuck rating just for that post.
     
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  13. chaos nazi mods fuck off
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    Oh my god, dude. I'm glad everyone is ok. I mean, that's still metal as fuck, but what a scary thing to happen.
     
  14. iannis Like I said I'm not high but my dog is and I am
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    I'd say play it safe and stop at two. Get your shit snipped.
     
  15. Mrs. Gravy Quite Saucy
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    And still they let her shower unassisted...holyfuck is right.
     
  16. Lanx 周潤發
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    i'm moving out and put full strength bleach in a spray bottle, the pressure + bleach power practically knocks out black stuff and i just keep squirting to clean behind the toilet, everything gets knocked loose and easy to just mop quickly, don't know if that helps with a scene outta Doom!
     
  17. Cad scientia potentia est
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    [​IMG]
     
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  18. Woefully Inept Well-Known Member

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    Well that is absolutely terrifying but what a helluva birth story that kiddo has!
     
  19. Lendarios The Retarder
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    congrats noodle!! sort off!!
     
  20. lurkingdirk Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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