Parent Thread

chaos said:

imo, you have to kind of take a step back and realize they want to be their own person, what they wear is a big part of that. You have to draw a line, of course, but you have to give them some slack as well. Leggings aren't really a big deal anymore, it's become pretty standard and she'll just think you're being an asshole/weirdo if you make a big deal over it. Choose your battles.

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I completely hear you on the big picture here. But man, uncovered yoga pants are way too revealing. I enjoy it way too much when a hot adult woman wears yoga pants uncovered in public. I think most of us do. I am pretty sure my line will have to be cover that shit up when my daughters get old enough for it to be an issue. Which is approaching at a terrifying speed.

I have the same thoughts on this. I rather enjoy looking at women in tights, and my three daughters all wear them all the time now. It's what pretty much every girl at their school wears (with the exception of the hipsters), so it is so much the norm that some of the shock value of seeing girls in revealing pants is gone. Plus they say they are incredibly comfortable.
That said, when we're at school events, there are a lot of guys looking at their legs/butts. I would love to ban that style pants, but it's not worth the damage it would do to our relationship. They're smart kids, I have to trust them.

Now, one of the twins came downstairs in super tight leggings and a crop top recently, and her mother just looked at her and said, "no." She didn't even argue. back upstairs to put a long shirt on.

This is a tricky subject. You want your children to be comfortable with and proud of their bodies, but you don't want them to turn into attention whores and dress so provocatively as to be inappropriate.

Yeah, it's a thin line to ride. Compromise works best, like you said, let them wear the leggings but ask them to put on a longer shirt, looks better in most situations anyway. They're finding themselves you know, they need guidance, it's hard to say when it's been taken too far. We probably wouldn't know if we did, but they sure the fuck would.

My girls are still pretty young, high school is going to be a fucking nightmare around here.

My daughter pretty vocal on other people, e.g. "thats inappropriate". But doesn't grasp the concept as an individual, obviously. I get it, young and not even thinking about it from an introspective angle.

Laughed a bunch last olympics during ice skating events when she is basically calling them out for skank outfits. I'll let wife enforce it but try to keep some line, like hey its way to obvious to see underwear find something else.

In fairness, I think a father can accept the inevitability of his daughters' becoming sexually active as adults, without letting 12 year olds wear uncovered yoga pants in public.

But you make a good point. Not everything has to be a hard and fast rule, approval and disapproval are powerful tools.

a_skeleton_03 said:

I do the thing where I explain why I don’t like a particular attire and then tell them I am not banning it.

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So much this. You have to be able to have a conversation about it. If I expect them to follow rules, I better have a good reason for rules, and I better be willing to discuss it. Yeah, I'm not making rules about the wardrobe per se, but my kids respect me enough that if I explain my thinking in a non hostile or confrontational way, they hear what I'm saying. The trick is to make it the norm that you're having a conversation. Not dictating rules from on high.

Eventually your daughter is going to be wearing lingerie and sticking penises in every hole.

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This is also a good point. You have to acknowledge that your children are sexual creatures. That also requires a lot of conversations. You have to acknowledge to them that you, too, are a sexual creature. Make that a comfortable topic for them, and their own sexuality will become more comfortable for you. Conversations help.

Girls need/want validation from their dad and if they know what displeases you without you making demands they often rise to the occasion.

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Yup. Again, it's all about communicating.

lurkingdirk said:

You have to acknowledge that your children are sexual creatures

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Good discussion, and not to be pedantic, but this distinction does matter.

Its not "are sexual creatures". Its "will become sexual creatures". We are talking about children.

Aldarion said:

Good discussion, and not to be pedantic, but this distinction does matter.

Its not "are sexual creatures". Its "will become sexual creatures". We are talking about children.

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When I'm talking to my 17 year old daughters, shall I dismiss their sexuality because they are children?

I know you are talking about younger children, but I have a friend who works with kids as young as six who are masturbating to some extent. The seeds of it are there very young, and while I don't think we should sexualise children, we also shouldn't put our fingers in our ears and scream "no, no, no. Dear God, no." if it comes up with young kids. Just dismissing it with little kids will contribute toward feelings that sex is something bad, or dirty, or forbidden. All I'm saying is be open about it at whatever age they start talking about it.

Yeah, my oldest did that, basically dry humped her stuffed animals, will make for hilarious stories later in life. She was a toddler, pediatrician said it was normal and tons and tons of kids did it. We tried to be cool about it and just told her that's a private thing and keep it to her room.

I'm doing 529 plans for both of my kids. What's nice with the new Trump tax plan I can use the 529 for private school k-12 as well.

So, I adopted my oldest

When he was 13.

Okay, so he dealt with a fuckload of fuck in Foster Care. 8 years of abusive families or families throwing him away. He's had a hard fucking run of it after being removed at age 5. Whole lotta fuck. One family even tried to perform an exorcism on him. YEAH, lets wrap our heads around that shit. An abused and neglected kid acting out. So what do we do? Hire a fucking priest to expel the demons. Cause that's not going to lead to a fucked up kid getting more fucked up.

Well. Fast forward a couple of years. He has a younger biological brother, who enters care from his meth cock of a mother. No, that's not a typo. She gets fucked by Meth constantly. CPS reaches out to us and asks if we want to potentially adopt this kid. My son champions this idea. Loves it. We agree

CPS fucks up, gives the bio family enough information to find us. This leads to this entire drug addled cockmouth family finding my son, messaging him on facebook. This prompts my son to find ways around our parental controls, which leads to other issues. Including him getting Grindr downloaded, and nearly ending up in the hands of a sex trafficker. That was fun to sort out with the authorities.

Fast forward another couple of months..Bio Mom relinquished her rights to the youngest to us, things are going well and THEN; My mentally ill son has goes entirely off the rails, running away a few times. Eventually, he runs away to his birth family multiple hours away. I'm still not sure how he got out there. He has no vehicle. I can only assume one of those fucks came to pick him up when he absconded in the wee hours of the morning. We call the cops, we call CPS, everyone we think can help. They all tell us that since at this point he is 17? They can't do shit, and neither can we. I make trips to this bumfuck Texas town. I try my hardest to convince him to come back. He declines each and every time. His birth father tries to fight me each and every time.

A couple of weeks go by, and I get a call from the county hospital's emergency room. My son is OD'ing on Meth, and I need to get there. I make the 2 hour drive in less than an hour and a half. Its late night, but he gets stabilized quickly. I stay in his room and watch a parade of assfucks who abused and threw away not only my son, but his brother and sister in their first case, and his younger brother now in this case. A day or two (its a blur) passes, and the hospital considers him stable enough to leave, and suggests a rehab facility. My son refuses, and the rehab refuses to take him against his will.

I make a last ditch effort in calling CPS's abuse hotline on myself. This generates a case against me, but gives me the authority to take my Son home at least. He fights, but eventually comes to enough to thank me for bringing him home, and wants to go to rehab. We find a place in short order, get him in, and they keep him for about a week before giving us a transfer to a longer term facility. My son fights the idea of a 2 month stint, but begrudgingly agrees a few hours later when cravings for Meth hit him.

My son is how in rehab. I'm happy because I feel like I was finally able to save him.

I'm still pissed though.