As someone who has quested for the perfect shave for almost two decades, I present to you the "perfect shave". Formulated through years of trial and error, hundreds of dollars spent on various blades and creams, and literally blood and tears-- this shave guarantees you baby ass softness with zero irritation..
List of Equipment Needed:
1) A shower
2) Fogless Shower Mirror. No, not that piece of shit that you used before,
this one.
3) A good badger hair brush. Real badger hair, not some POS imitation
4) Merkur Classis Safety razor with Derby blades. I'm too lazy to link, find them on Amazon. For days that you have less time to shave, a good Gilette Fusion will do fine.
5)
Proraso Shaving cream. This shit is the bomb and lasts forever.
6)
Kiels After Shave Lotion
First off, 85% of your shave quality comes from 1) a good warm, wet face, 2) quality shaving cream, and 3) a good brush/lathering. The last 15% I would say is the differential between using a good cartridge razor and a safety razor. I used to swear by the safety razor because I made the switch from cartridge razor and shitty Barbasol to safety razor plus brush and good cream all at the same time, and therefore attributed the miraculous increase in shave quality to the blade, however in fact it is mostly the brush, cream and prepping, not the blade.
Procedure:
1) Take a HOT shower. Keep all your shaving gear in the shower. Shaving should be the last thing you do before getting out of the shower.
2) Using the shaving mirror, use the brush and cream to totally lather your face. Spend one minute grinding that fucking brush and lather into your beard. A big mistake is gently painting your face with the lather. Fuck that. The goal here is to soften your hair as much as possible, and for that you need pressure.
3) Using the razor of your choice shave with the grain. NEVER shave against the grain on the first pass!!
4) Lather up again for a full minute
5) Shave against the grain.
6) Rinse and apply Kiehls after shave lotion
Congratulations, you have the closest shave ever, your face doesn't burn, and razor bumps and ingrown hairs are a thing of the past.
WARNING: If your wife/significant other is the curious type like mine was, she will see your new shiny safety razor in the shower and most likely decide to give it a whirl as it is obviously so much fancier than her piece of shit pink razor. The result will be hacked up legs and possibly an injured pussy. So please warn your woman that your razor is badass and is not to be used on her delicates.