Shit

Erronius

Elder shitposter of R'lyeh
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Bandwagon

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I'm sitting on the toilet at home depot trying to hold back mt st Helen's while some old dude with an apparently enlarged prostrate is trying to talk his bladder into having a piss. I feel like we're having a standoff
 

Bandwagon

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Double, double toil and trouble;
butthole burn and stomach bubble.
Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the crockpot boil and bake;
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg and howlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
 

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I was just roaming around home depot at 830am on a weekday and had to drop an emergency deuce...again. walked in the bathroom and 3 of the 4 stalls were full of grunting shitters. The only open stall was overflowing with contractor shit, so I noped out. Went across the street to Hobby Lobby and the men's bathroom looks like it hasn't been touched in a week.

Protip - if you have to shit in public, go to a woman store.
 

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Almost everyone in my office is in a bull-pen style setup. Me and one of the surveyors have our own offices downstairs. Mainly because we're on the phone more than anyone else and I have to give presentations and proposal interviews all the time, so its nice to be able to close the door.

Well, the engineers remodeled one of the big downstairs rooms and knocked down the wall between our office hallway and their new office. It's been kind of annoying when they're all in there and loud as shit, but it seems like they work from home about 70% of the time. So I've been using their shitter and raiding their snack room when they're all gone. I'm in the bathroom in the corner of a big office with all the lights out and it's amazing being able to shit at work without trying to time courtesy flushes with butt trumpets.
 

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My asshole is wrecked from 2 hemorrhoidectomy that I had over the years. On top of that when the big shit comes out, God likes to fuck with me so I have a conical shape foot long with the wide side going out first, causing so much pain. Also due to the surgery I cant cut the shit with my asshole as good as I used to. So my asshole is stuck trying to push a giant log but with weak contraction so in order to cut it or help it moving, I have to take my hand and reach down and push my buttock' in, in order to help cut the footlong. Basically imagine taking your hand and pushing in your buttock against the log.

I"m doing now some antibiotics so all my bacteria is dead so I'm not making any solid poop. in 3 weeks once the course its over ill try to post a picture of the foot long