Shit

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Kolohe
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Crawling in my bowels
These nuts, they will not digest
Drunk is how I feast
Confusing what is edible
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, fermenting
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling
I can't seem
To have a solid turd
Or a poop go unheard
 
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Kolohe
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The worm approaches,
A breach draws near,
Coworker cockroaches,
Left me paperless I fear.
 
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Void

Experiencer
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Crawling in my bowels
These nuts, they will not digest
Drunk is how I feast
Confusing what is edible
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, fermenting
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling
I can't seem
To have a solid turd
Or a poop go unheard
I am pretty sure that I recognized this immediately. Right?

 
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Kolohe
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Yesterday's intake:
Elk omelets
Coffee
Leftover pizza
Beer
Elk sliders
Beer
Lemon sugar cookies.
2lbs of peanuts

log GIF
 
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Kolohe
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Highcentered in the head on a tent pole turd, Stalactite creeping down makes occupancy unheard,
A glance at the room reveals a lock unused,
On an unsecured door hiding a pooper unamused,
Black socks and a birthday suit is a fashion faux pas,
Shall I remedy or risk a coworker witnessing me in the raw?
Wiggle, wiggle, shimmy, shake,
Cut the cord and clench the snake,
Kyphosis shuffle, to fix my mistake,
Engage the lock and finish my poo break.
 
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Kolohe
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Amod Amod it'd high time this cultured repository be freed from the shaw and reborn in the general forum as the pooetry thread.
 
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Kolohe
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Got home yesterday to a constipated 3yo with a distended belly, crying that her stomach hurt. I was pissed off that my wife hadn't given her anything more than apple sauce because the little bit of poop coming out was like dried playdough. Went to rite aid and got a package of pediatric enemas. Took about 5 minutes to release the kraken and that girl spent the next 45 minutes straight sitting. Happy as a camper after that.
 
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Erronius

Macho Ma'am
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The other day I got food poisoning.

I ran to the bathroom while trying to hold the tidal wave in. I dropped my pants and spun around right as this Chinese dragon of watery baby shit burst out at about 75 psi

unfortunately I bent too far forward and by blast went right between the seat and the lid, were the hinge is. But it hit so hard that it splattered up...left...down...right...everywhere.

Shit was dripping everywhere.

I ended up having to take the entire toilet seat off because the shit-treacle had seeped into every crack and crevice.

I may just end up buying a new toilet seat after this.
 
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Kolohe
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I am just a simple man, straining on the can,
Oh it ain't easy
I am just a simple man, clenching up my hands
Oh believe me
Fiber is the only thing means a damn to me
Oh you can't fake it
Fiber is the only song, sings a song for me
Oh we're gonna make it