I just flushed a shit and a chunk of it hit the bowl edge with enough force that it ricocheted onto the floor. Didn’t even know that was possible. Feel sorry for the poor bastard that has to clean that up.
I sprayed Poopourri in the toilet today. Three or four hearty squirts of the supposed poo smell killer.
Perhaps this substance may have held its ground on the surface of the toilet water, but it was unprepared for the horror I would unleash upon it.
Down my pants went and my anus quickly dilated as an iris in the darkest room. Out came chunks of shit, one after another, piling on in a horrifyingly endless parade. My anus ripped at the force of it all, pearls of blood mixing with the shit cannon.
I stood up and looked upon my works and marveled, for a volcano of poo pierced far above the water line -- surely when I was sitting there was but a whisper of space between ass and shit, like a fecal God reaching out in Michelangelo's The Creation of Adam Poo.
I quickly called my wife in to the room and asked her to smell. She had talked of the miracle powers of Poopourri and though reluctant to investigate surely felt confident. That is, until her arrival when the shock wave of poo smell washed over her and she turned around in terror, knowing her champion had been defeated.