Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Big Phoenix

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There is no way you salvage. If any of you go and watch Ep 9 in the theaters you should have your eyes gouged out as punishment for continuing to hand over money to shit people who ruin anything good.
 
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Lambourne

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D Disney here I fixed your dilemma. PM me bank account details.

Scene one

We see Luke and Rey on the tropical island. Rey is lying on the ground, unconscious. Luke is bent over her, his hand on her forehead.

LUKE: Awaken.

Luke removes his hand, and Rey slowly awakens.

REY: What was that? Luke, you're alive? I saw you die, I saw...
LUKE: What you saw was what will happen if you fail. You must learn to control the force, or it will destroy us all.

Scene Two

(rest of movie)

Scene Three

Profit!
 
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Chukzombi

Chukzombi

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Lambourne said:
D Disney here I fixed your dilemma. PM me bank account details.

Scene one

We see Luke and Rey on the tropical island. Rey is lying on the ground, unconscious. Luke is bent over her, his hand on her forehead.

LUKE: Awaken.

Luke removes his hand, and Rey slowly awakens.

REY: What was that? Luke, you're alive? I saw you die, I saw...
LUKE: What you saw was what will happen if you fail. You must learn to control the force, or it will destroy us all.

Scene Two

(rest of movie)

Scene Three

Profit!
Click to expand...
but she didnt fail. Ma-Rey Sue never fails, she didnt even take any jedi training and she still schooled Kylo in TFA with the lightsaber and Kylo was hand trained by Master Luke himself. you cant surgically fix this, you cant even retcon small portions. you have to take a sledgehammer to this movie in order to right the ship. and thats not going to happen. at best Luke comes back as a bluebie and the Larp resistance will have to get help from Lando's crew of thieves to sabotage Kylo's new death star which he will undoubtedly be building because these people have no original fucking thought. it still doesnt solve the Snoke is dead problem or the Kylo is not fit to be any kind of focal point of The Dark SIde problem or the Rey is not fit to be any kind of focal point of the Jedis problem.

Snoke needs to come back ALIVE. Luke needs to come back ALIVE, Kylo and Rey need to take a backseat on this one so Luke and Snoke can have their big showdown. the resistance is a complete joke and there is no future for them. not even retcons will fix them. the Empire/First Order is too unstoppable, they have unlimited resources to skullfuck anything these retards can think up.
 
iannis

iannis

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It would be a good movie that won't ever get made.

They might bring snoke back with some sort of "that which you killed was only channeling my spirit, I am not of flesh! hahohahohaho totally not sauron" thing. They need to do something like that. They don't have an iconic villian. They've made Lord Admiral Frat Boy way too goofy and one dimensional to be imposing in any way. If they're relying on Darth Emo to be their villian then they've abandonded his development in the previous two. Which who knows, probably.

It's gauranteed to be bad at this point. The speculation is on what flavor of bad.

The only thing JJ can do to make the series even somewhat interesting is to set up Mary Sue as the arch villian for the NEXT god-awful trilogy. Make her Galadriel with the one ring. But Disney won't allow that. Disney would probably send him to singapore and have him caned for even suggesting it.
 
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Lambourne

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Chukzombi said:
but she didnt fail. Ma-Rey Sue never fails, she didnt even take any jedi training and she still schooled Kylo in TFA with the lightsaber and Kylo was hand trained by Master Luke himself. you cant surgically fix this, you cant even retcon small portions. you have to take a sledgehammer to this movie in order to right the ship. and thats not going to happen. at best Luke comes back as a bluebie and the Larp resistance will have to get help from Lando's crew of thieves to sabotage Kylo's new death star which he will undoubtedly be building because these people have no original fucking thought. it still doesnt solve the Snoke is dead problem or the Kylo is not fit to be any kind of focal point of The Dark SIde problem or the Rey is not fit to be any kind of focal point of the Jedis problem.

Snoke needs to come back ALIVE. Luke needs to come back ALIVE, Kylo and Rey need to take a backseat on this one so Luke and Snoke can have their big showdown. the resistance is a complete joke and there is no future for them. not even retcons will fix them. the Empire/First Order is too unstoppable, they have unlimited resources to skullfuck anything these retards can think up.
Click to expand...

Yea that was my idea, turn all of TLJ into a dream/Force Vision™ and ignore its existence entirely from scene two onward. TLJ ruined every potential storyline (Snoke, Rey/Kylo bond, rebellion, Luke etc) and the only way to pull the franchise out of it's nosedive is a sharp turn. It's probably futile hope though.
 
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Chukzombi

Chukzombi

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Lambourne said:
Yea that was my idea, turn all of TLJ into a dream/Force Vision™ and ignore its existence entirely from scene two onward. TLJ ruined every potential storyline (Snoke, Rey/Kylo bond, rebellion, Luke etc) and the only way to pull the franchise out of it's nosedive is a sharp turn. It's probably futile hope though.
Click to expand...
didnt they already confirm Luke is for real dead? if they have, then he can only come back as a bluebie, they dont even have big titty ginger milf to give Luke a 93% Necro rez with an Essence Emerald.
 
LiquidDeath

LiquidDeath

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Lithose said:
Episode 9 should open with Rey waking up in a bacta tank realizing she got her ass kicked against Kylo. Have a flash back showing Luke running in to save her, and drive Kylo off. Then show a collage of scenes showing Luke communing with her in her subconscious as she's healing, both of them pooling their powers to see visions of the future--visions containing Luke's worst fears, that he becomes drowned in hopelessness, the very antithesis of what he is, and Rey letting the whole rebellion die. Essentially Episode 8 was all a long nightmare vision of the future that could have been--motivating them both to avoid it. (Or some other stupid shit that erases it all).

Honestly, its the only way to salvage it at this point. As is, I'll never see another Star Wars about these characters. TLJ genuinely poisoned this story for me. It didn't "ruin my childhood" or any of that shit, but it certainly created a future for the story I'm just not interested in at all. (And not even because the characters died--Logan illustrated you can kill characters in very bitter sweet ways that make you interested in who carries on. X23 from Logan? I actually want to see a movie with her in it, she was fucking awesome. I have zero desire to see what happens to any of these shitbags though, and frankly, if the fate of every hero is to have their legacy ruined and die in some shithole, I'd rather go watch a more serious film that can explore the melancholy of life better.)
Click to expand...

We can all take a moment to reflect how Logan got the hero's send off completely correct. Jack him full of shit that makes him do the things we love even fucking better, then let him loose on the bad guys that took his mentor and friends and now are trying to take out the last set of people who he cares about who also happen to be just kids. End the movie with the shot of his grave with a motherfucking steel 'X' forever sending him off as the greatest X-men ever for everyone who ever payed attention and gave a shit about comics in the 80's and 90's.
 
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jayrebb

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Chukzombi said:
didnt they already confirm Luke is for real dead? if they have, then he can only come back as a bluebie, they dont even have big titty ginger milf to give Luke a 93% Necro rez with an Essence Emerald.
Click to expand...

The only way Luke is alive is if JJ shot multiple days and effects of ghost Luke for absolutely no reason other than to intentionally leak it at Pinewood studios during very specific "leak days" AND/OR the leakers interpretation of the CGI force ghost sequence is wrong and its just Luke astral projecting to Kylo from somewhere else. But AFAIK the leak comes from the special effects side of thing and they are saying its ghost Luke. There was a studio leak from the floor of the studio at Pinewood, not related to special effects, that said the sequence had to be a force ghost scene just based on the dialogue that Luke was delivering.

Both possibilities for Luke being alive are very unlikely. So unlikely, in fact, that you'd be an idiot to believe Luke is alive in Episode 9.

And right before Episode 9 began shooting JJ told Luke to his face that he is absolutely dead when Mark Hammil tried retconning himself in a pitch to JJ. Did that change over the year? Unlikely. Add that to the Pinewood leaks and its a 100% Luke is dead.
 
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Valderen

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Any retconning would imply that Disney admits having fucked up episode 8 which hasn't happened, nor is it likely to happen.

The best JJ can do is move forward with what he has. He won't retcon stuff, but can do a time jump of a few years and probably avoid referencing episode 8 too much.
 
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Crimson

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Valderen said:
Any retconning would imply that Disney admits having fucked up episode 8 which hasn't happened, nor is it likely to happen.

The best JJ can do is move forward with what he has. He won't retcon stuff, but can do a time jump of a few years and probably avoid referencing episode 8 too much.
Click to expand...

The best JJ can do is burn the script and not do it.
 
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Conefed

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Lambourne said:
D Disney here I fixed your dilemma. PM me bank account details.

Scene one

We see Luke and Rey on the tropical island. Rey is lying on the ground, unconscious. Luke is bent over her, his hand on her forehead.

LUKE: Awaken.

Luke removes his hand, and Rey slowly awakens.

REY: What was that? Luke, you're alive? I saw you die, I saw...
LUKE: What you saw was what will happen if you fail. You must learn to control the force, or it will destroy us all.

Scene Two

(rest of movie)

Scene Three

Profit!
Click to expand...
This could work - basically everything from the hole on was a trip
 
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Conefed

Conefed

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Valderen said:
Any retconning would imply that Disney admits having fucked up episode 8 which hasn't happened, nor is it likely to happen.

The best JJ can do is move forward with what he has. He won't retcon stuff, but can do a time jump of a few years and probably avoid referencing episode 8 too much.
Click to expand...
Rey's parents could be ret-conned because they were only identified by a dirty sith.
Luke has already shown enhanced powers, he could ghost presence all over the place.
Leia could be killed off screen

The biggest issue is hyperdrive kamakazee tech.
Drone fighter+that gg
Maybe hyperdrive inhibitor tech, those globey Star destroyers
 
Hoss

Hoss

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I don't think there's any reason to believe what snoke said about rey's parents. It wouldn't exactly be retconning to find out he was lying.
 
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Crimson

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Actually, it's rather comical to me that people think JJ is going to "fix" the problems or that it's any better he's back.

To be honest, it's his fault the films are the way they are. The guy is literally a hack, and it was his obsession with pointless "mystery boxes" that set the story up to fail (he never came up with any answers, he only wanted mystery) and the fact he viewed "using practical effects" as the only necessity to make a good Star Wars film (nevermind about story or anything like that); he all but sabotaged them from the start.

Rian Johnson is another brainless yes-man under Kennedy's feminazi heel, but even the best screenwriter couldn't salvage what JJ set up. And now it's more of him; he's not the cure, he's the cancer that killed it to begin with.
 
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Chukzombi

Chukzombi

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Crimson said:
Actually, it's rather comical to me that people think JJ is going to "fix" the problems or that it's any better he's back.

To be honest, it's his fault the films are the way they are. The guy is literally a hack, and it was his obsession with pointless "mystery boxes" that set the story up to fail (he never came up with any answers, he only wanted mystery) and the fact he viewed "using practical effects" as the only necessity to make a good Star Wars film (nevermind about story or anything like that); he all but sabotaged them from the start.

Rian Johnson is another brainless yes-man under Kennedy's feminazi heel, but even the best screenwriter couldn't salvage what JJ set up. And now it's more of him; he's not the cure, he's the cancer that killed it to begin with.
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Abrams didnt do it justice, he just rehashed ANH and he killed off Han, but i chalk that one up to HF wanting out. the thing is, he still left some meat on the bone. it would have been better if Ford was the star and he had to find Luke to help stop the FO. Along the way he meets Rey on Jaqui because he needs the Falcon repaired and she's the only one who could. she becomes Han's apprentice and then after he gets killed she become Luke"s apprentice when he senses her force powers. then you would have had a good movie. they paid all this cash for Harrison to be in TFA and he was barely in it. waste of a good character.
 
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Crimson

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Sadly, I'll have to disagree in that there's still meat on the bone of Star Wars.

The franchise is actually a lot more limited than most care to admit and it really never needed anything past those original three movies. I'm sure the extended universe stuff was fun (and maybe more talented writers actually came up with some cool stuff), but it was still mostly unneeded in the long run. And now all those are kaput in favor of the most simple and pandering "ideas" possible, so they were wasted anyway.

But really, I find discussing the ifs and whys of this franchise far more interesting than the films themselves. I haven't really cared about Star Wars since I was....11, maybe? And I have absolutely zero interest in ever watching any of these new movies from beginning to end. Star Wars has nothing to offer me, especially the watered down SJW version Disney is putting out.
 
Armadon

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Big Phoenix said:
There is no way you salvage. If any of you go and watch Ep 9 in the theaters you should have your eyes gouged out as punishment for continuing to hand over money to shit people who ruin anything good.
Click to expand...
I think if you go see it in the theater you should be banned from the boards until the movie is out of the theaters.
 
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Gavinmad

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Crimson said:
but even the best screenwriter couldn't salvage what JJ set up
Click to expand...

This isn't even remotely true. Now yes, it would take a talented screenwriter to take the threads JJ left dangling from his ANH reshoot and do something more creative than an ESB reshoot as a followup, but by no means did JJ paint Ep 8 into a corner, or leave them with a burned out field of nothing. In fact, now JJ is the one who has to try and salvage Ep 9 from the burned out field of nothingness than Rian Johnson left behind, which is unlikely to work well seeing as how JJ is, as you said, a complete hack.
 
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