Terrible Jokes Thread

Springbok

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Smartest thing to ever come out of a woman’s mouth?

Einstein’s cock
 

Springbok

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I was fucking my wife last night when she said “give me eight inches and make it hurt”!

So I fucked her twice and punched her in the nose
 

PreacherX

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A poor Irish family lives on a farm and they rely on their single cow for income.
One morning, the father walks outside to find their cow dead.
“There is nothing that could help get us out of poverty now,” says the dad as he shoots himself.
The mom walks outside and sees the dad and the cow on the ground.
“I can’t live without my husband,” she says as she shoots herself with her husband’s gun.
The daughter walks outside and sees her mother, father and cow dead.
“I can’t live any longer without my family,” she says as she jumps into the river and kills herself.
The oldest son, 23 years old, walks outside looking for the family and sees them all dead.
“Is there any way to bring them back,” he yells at the sky.
Poof! A female leprechaun appears.
“I will bring your whole family back to life, even the cow,” she says, “if you can fuck me 5 times in a row. If not I get to kill you.”
The boy fucks her 3 times in a row and he dies.
The middle son, 19 years old, comes out and sees the leprechaun. She gives him the same offer as his brother.
“I will bring your whole family back to life, even the cow,” she says, “if you can fuck me 5 times in a row. If not I get to kill you.”
The son agrees to do it but can only do it 4 times. He dies.
The youngest son, 15 years old, comes out and is given the same offer.
“I will bring your whole family back to life, even the cow,” she says, “if you can fuck me 5 times in a row. If not I get to kill you.”
The son says, “What if I fuck you 10 times in a row?”
The leprechaun thinks. She says, “I will bring back your family and give you my pot of gold.
The son says, "What if I fuck you 20 times in a row?”
She thinks again and says, “I will bring back your family, give you my pot of gold and give you a mansion.”
The son thinks and says, “What if I fuck you 30 times in a row?”
She thinks and says, “I will bring back your family and make you the richest man in Ireland.”
The son says, “Wait, how do I know you will survive it?”
“What do you mean?” says the leprechaun.
“The cow didn’t.”
 

Haus

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What's the worst joke about anti-vaxxer's children?
Their life expectancy!

Why do I love that joke so much?
It never gets old.. just like their kids.
 

PreacherX

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A dog runs up to its master carrying an unusual stick.
Master: Hey boy, what do you got there?
Dog: Bark
Master: Bark? Well where did you get such an unusual piece of bark?
Dog: Ruff
Master: The roof? Well how did you get all the way up there?
Dog: With the ladder
 

Foler

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So a bunch of faggots came together and decided they hated America. They made the Democratic party and decided they wanted to import illegals into the country in order to undermine the best interests of the country under the guise of "diversity."

So they did it and these illegals ended up raping and killing their families.
 

Springbok

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3 faggots are sitting in a hot tub. All of a sudden a giant bubble of jizz floats to the surface of the water. One of the faggots turns to the other two and asks “hey who farted”
 

Foler

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A faggot, a terrorist and a Democrat walk into a bar.

What all do they have in common? They hate America and are Democrats.
 
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What did one Republican say to the other Republican?

Nothing. They were too busy sucking each other’s dicks.
 
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^ Hurr hurr hurr, retard.

What do you get when you give Gnomedolf, Xequecal and Lendarios a joint to puff on?

Three baked potatoes.
 

PreacherX

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A man goes to confession and says, “Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.”
The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins and the man replies, “Yes, father. I used the "F-word” over the weekend.“
The priest says, "Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language.”
The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the “F-word”. The priest sighs and tells him to continue.
“Well father,” he begins. “I played golf on Sunday with my buddies instead of going to church.”
The priest says, “And you got upset over that and swore?”
The man replied, “No, that wasn’t why I swore. On the first tee I hooked my drive well left into the trees.”
The priest said, “And that’s when you swore.”
The man replied, a little testily because of the constant interruptions, “No, it wasn’t. When I walked up the fairway, I noticed my ball got a lucky bounce and I had a clear shot to the green. However, before I could hit the ball, a squirrel ran by and grabbed my ball and scurried up a tree.”
The priest asked, “Is that when you said the ‘F-word’?”
The man replied, “No, because an eagle then flew by and caught the squirrel in its sharp talons and flew away.”
The priest let out a breath and queried, “Is that when you swore?”
The man replied, “No, because the eagle flew over the green and the dying squirrel let go of my golf ball and it landed within 5 inches of the hole.”
The priest screamed, “Don’t tell me you missed that fucking putt!”
 

PreacherX

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A farmer drove over to his neighbor’s house and knocked on the door…
A boy, about 9, opened the door.
“Is your mom or dad home?” The farmer asked the boy
“No, they went in to town.” The boy replied
“Well, how about your brother Howard?” The farmer asked
“No, he went with mom and dad.” The boy said
The farmer stood there for a minute shifting from one foot to another and mumbling when the boy says
“I know where the tools are if you need to borrow one or I could give my dad a message for you.”
“Well,” The farmer said uncomfortably “I wanted to talk to your dad about your brother Howard getting my daughter pregnant.”
The boy thought for a moment then said
“You’ll have to talk to my dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.”
 

PreacherX

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Cop: You were going 68 in a 55

Me: Dang, 68? Can you make that number a little higher so I can hear the judge saying it out loud?

Cop: Sure whatever

[Later in traffic court]

Judge: How the hell were you going 420 in a 55?