The Tanoubliette: Pussy Hurt and Delusions or TTPHAD for short.

Soygen_sl said:

Just ignore him, hodj. Even toilets deserve a voice.

Click to expand...

Tanoomba isn't a toilet. He's more like that guy that farts in the bar.

He's a regular. Comes in every day and sits front and centre by the draught taps. He doesn't drink beer or vodka like the rest of the patrons though. His drink of choice is milk. There's nothing inherently bad about liking milk, it's just a little odd in an establishment dedicated to serving alcoholic beverages.

So there Tanoomba is, slurping his milk and letting one rip every now and then. It starts out innocently enough when he first starts going to this particular pub. He'd squeak one out, disgust the other customers, and they'd throw him sideways glances.

Now, these are really gross farts. Super thick and eggy. Eventually he builds up enough of a cloud to start drawing some real scorn from the people around him. The bartender can't really do anything about it. He's a paying customer and he's not really hurting anyone. I mean, they could just walk to the other side of the room. A couple of them try this, but every time Tanoomba gets up to take a shit, (and they're frequent), he drags the stink with him in his pants like a trail.

Eventually a smart regular figures it out! The frequent shitting, the eggy farts, the milk. Tanoomba is lactose intolerant! So the sleuthy patron does a good deed and hands Tanoomba some literature on lactose intolerance. Everyone is hopeful that the next day, maybe their prayers will be answered. The next day, Tanoomba sits at the bar and orders two glasses of milk, and a cheese plate. The stench in unbearable, and he's sitting there smirking.

Patrons understandably get annoyed, but what can the bartender do? Surely he can't ask him to leave, that would be against the man's rights. He does warn Tanoomba that if he doesn't attempt to limit his flatulence to the bathroom he'd have to take action. He does this, but there's still the shitty-air-dragging problem from before. Also, the odd one 'sneaks' out from time to time.

So time marches on. Tanoomba keeps farting and the customers keep smelling it. The bar is developing a reputation of smelling like farts, and what was once a place where all sorts of things were discussed is now a place where the only thing people talk about is the smell of said farts. And there's Tanoomba at the bar. Double fisting 35% cream, corn-holing Babybel, with that fucking smirk on his face.

What Quaid said.

hodj seems honestly upset.

And Quaid puts anal in analogy.