Vicodin, Cigarettes, and My Fake Tits - from the diary of the Megan Fox of Ohio

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Dabamf_sl

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Trollface_sl said:
on one hand, he sounds like he is sick....he probably can't stop thinking about his self-worth, feeling guilty as hell, which drives him to torture you even more.....he doesn't give a shit about you and your child's food or household things because he doesn't give a shit about his own life...he doesn't live for anything or feels attached to anything other than his own shitty life. I don't think he is doing it to terrorize you...little bit of interactions he does get probably gives him that satisfaction...
eating, smoking, and all the "indulging" that he does is probably a sign that his brain is completely turned off to everything else...I should probably ask...does he get out often? Is he secluded?
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This entire post is a projection, especially this paragraph. Your advice is essentially telling her what to do if you were her brother. Keep your personal shit out of this.

P.S. You're a fucking asshole for calling "get out" solutions selfish. Rav is quite obviously a bleeding heart, which means any little hint of an outrageous "oh maybe try helping him?" statement is a risk of not making the obviously-correct solution (getting out) not obviously correct to her.
 
moonarchia

moonarchia

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Ravvenn, as someone who was once moderately/seriously bipolar I can only tell you that him treating you like shit is all on him. You can't let your son grow up around someone like that unless you want him turning out the same. Run now, not later. Cut all ties and do not look back. Get as far away from him and your mom as you can. Do not call, do not write. They should be dead to you for all intents and purposes.
 
TrollfaceDeux

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Dabamf_sl said:
This entire post is a projection, especially this paragraph. Your advice is essentially telling her what to do if you were her brother. Keep your personal shit out of this.

P.S. You're a fucking asshole for calling "get out" solutions selfish. Rav is quite obviously a bleeding heart, which means any little hint of an outrageous "oh maybe try helping him?" statement is a risk of not making the obviously-correct solution (getting out) not obviously correct to her.
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I have never told her what to do in that paragraphbut only what is plausible in his brother's mind.It's my way of saying "he doesn't give a shit about you and your child"and will continue to terrorize them because he doesn't give a shit. It's assessing his thoughts and there is no shred of advice on how to deal with it. However, i do apologize for projecting myself into the causes behind his brother's behaviour. this sort of issues are personal for me and I wouldn't have came this far without my family. I will keep my personal shit out of this from now on, especially since it's not a mental issue and is about saving rav from her hell. Discussing mental issue (understanding why) is not a helpful at all.

but I never encouraged her to do what is not correct. Why the fuck am I being misunderstood so much? Fuck. By the sounds of it, she did try and he didn't follow through. Only correct path seems to be getting out. That's why I said let him loosetwice.

But if not, then he should probably kill himself and I really do mean it.
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Face it and it's much easier to deal with it. It is hard, but it is so much harder to delay it and ruin your life as well as your child.
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That's the only way if he is rejecting medical help whilst receiving all the security. The reason why I am so adamant on suicide is because her brother is using it against her. It won't be much of a weapon once she accepts that reality and let the life goes on.
 
A

Astral Projection_sl

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You have a kid in the house with a guy who invite people over for heroin parties? Seriously, if you care at all about your son it is simple to end this:

- give him $100
- he buys drugs and brings them home
- call police to the house
- they arrest him
- while he is in jail: (1) get restraining order, (2) change all locks, (3) bar the windows, (4) purchase hand gun, (5) change your phone number

I don't see how you can let a man reside in your house who has severe anger issues. You know who has a history of killing family pets? Fucking serial killers.
 
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Rune_sl

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The saddest thing about situations like this is that they become self-reinforcing.

Ravvenn has been trapped in a situation where she becomes enveloped in the crazy, and the normal people in her life become forced to cut her off because they just can't deal with watching her hurt herself, which in turn makes her even more committed to 'fixing' these hopelessly dysfunctional family relationships in her life. This is driven also by the blatantly-obvious-to-everyone-but-her emotional manipulation by her family when they occasionally emotionally blackmail her or tell her that family is important, it's us against the world, or that they love her, they're grateful etc.

If somehow she meets someone who isn't a shitbag through some kind of fluke, her family will do everything they can to drive them off because that's a threat to their control over her.
 
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Archangel_sl

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AngryGerbil, I think I may love you. You're spot-on, and I hope Ravven can take your points to heart and understand that her brother is truly *ill* and in need of help that she cannot provide in the way she is accustomed to.
 
Deathwing

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She took our advice and gtfo.

Of this thread.



Don't fear the worst, she's been active elsewhere.
 
Jim Russel

Jim Russel

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I'm going to emphasize something that others have not. good advice has been given in this thread so far but what people have failed to point out is that *you* have a disease. your behavior is typical of anyone who has cohabitated it with a drug user for a long time. despite the best advice of others you fail to do what is the only rational course (ie, remove yourself).

due to your lifelong exposure to your brothers drug use, you are incapable of behaving rationally with regard to this situation. you and your child are living in unsafe conditions and you fail to do anything about it time and time again. your fucked up sense of personal worth causes you to put concern for your brother ahead of your own concerns. this disease is known as codependency. you are not alone in your disease; there are resources available to you which you can take advantage of only once you accept that you have a problem.

Tldr: making this all about your brother's problems will never fix your shit.

Go to an alanon meeting.
 
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Ravvenn_sl

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I'm alive. We called the cops -again- last night, as usual they didn't help, one of them was kind enough to remind me that he (my brother) needs help, and I'm all he has..wtf? He actually went out on Friday, which was the best day/night of my life since being here. He never leaves, which is the worst part of it all.

I get what you guys are saying, as I have already said. However, it's easy for you to say "Just leave right now, not in two weeks" because you're not in my position. We have nowhere to go, I don't know how else to phrase that to make you understand. Moving takes money, which is something I have been saving up so we can. If I could do it today, I already would have. I have no choice but to save up until I have enough and then go. If we had somewhere to stay in the meantime, we'd already be there. I've sold everything of value that I own to add to my 'get the fuck outta here' jar. I'm doing all I can. I'm working, and I'm cleaning houses on the side for extra money.

Making me feel like shit, telling me I'm endangering my child really isn't helping. I cannot do any more than what I am doing right now. It sucks, I don't like it, but that's (my) life right now. I've messaged everyone who owes me money, reached out to those I've helped in the past to ask to borrow money to get a hotel until we move, etc.. With the exception of whoring myself out, this is all I can do.

For whoever said to set him up with drugs, that doesn't work. I told the cops when they were here where his drugs are, and they wouldn't go into his room and even look. I don't understand why. They said even if they took him for possession, that he'd be out the next day. I guess they need a (better) reason to be able to come into the house and go through his things.

I do want to clarify, once we're gone that's it. I don't plan to help him, I don't care if he gets help. He has tortured me long enough that I don't consider him family, I don't love him, and I don't even like him. He doesn't want to get better, so there's no point in me wanting him to, or even caring if he does. It won't happen until he wants it to.

I just want to get through this and leave it behind me.

I'm so tired.
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Jim Russel

Jim Russel

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Even if you are getting out asap, I'd still recommend going to an alanon meeting. the program can help you cope with and overcome the lifelong abuse you've experienced.

Especially go if you find that, once you move out, you feel that you have problems being a normal person. This shit has serious psychological lasting effects.
 
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Ravvenn_sl

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Etwynn_sl said:
Even if you are getting out asap, I'd still recommend going to an alanon meeting. the program can help you cope with and overcome the lifelong abuse you've experienced.
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This has been going on since mid-September. I cut him out of my life for ~10 years prior to that.
 
Jim Russel

Jim Russel

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You mentioned childhood abuse from him. This might have deeper roots than you're willing to admit.

If you happen to have avoided developing psychological issues resulting from your dysfunctional family situation, good for you. Just know that if you ever feel like you need support in working this stuff out, there are resources.
 
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Ravvenn_sl

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Etwynn_sl said:
You mentioned childhood abuse from him. This might have deeper roots than you're willing to admit.

If you happen to have avoided developing psychological issues resulting from your dysfunctional family situation, good for you. Just know that if you ever feel like you need support in working this stuff out, there are resources.
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I know it has deeper roots. I've been to therapy (as a child and as an adult) for the shit that happened when we were children, and then later in life for help dealing with depression and some other more basic things. He was in therapy as a kid, too (it was done through court), but that was it. The times he's gone to jail and rehab, they never did any therapy for his anger problems - and I think the anger goes back to his childhood. We coped in different ways as kids, I shut down and he went on a rampage. I went to therapy on my own as an adult, I knew I had problems dealing with certain situations and always found myself trying to fix everything/everyone, or make people happy even at the cost of my own happiness.

I was tricked into this position, I wouldn't have willingly walked into this shit. When I'm out of it finally, I'm washing my hands of it and that's that. No more second chances.
 
Heylel

Heylel

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Surely there's some kind of pressure you can put on the police to make them do something if you're fearful for yours or your son's safety. I don't see how they can ignore that. Have you consulted an attorney at all? There are hotlines you can call for legal advice in dealing with these sorts of situations. They're usually local.
 
Cutlery

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Heylel_sl said:
Surely there's some kind of pressure you can put on the police to make them do something if you're fearful for yours or your son's safety. I don't see how they can ignore that. Have you consulted an attorney at all? There are hotlines you can call for legal advice in dealing with these sorts of situations. They're usually local.
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What, are you kidding? There's a story like this every week. Ex gets stalker-ish, chick doesn't feel safe, calls the cops, cops say he's not breaking any laws and there's nothing they can do. Chick ends up dead, news runs a story saying "How could we have missed this?"

It's the way the system works, unfortunately.

Ravvenn_sl said:
I was tricked into this position, I wouldn't have willingly walked into this shit. When I'm out of it finally, I'm washing my hands of it and that's that. No more second chances.
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With this attitude, you'll do fine, mama.
 
Big Phoenix

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If cops are refusing to do anything why not contact the local media? Put some pressure on them to do something about him.
 
General Antony

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Why not flush his drugs down the toilet when the cops are on the way? Get him raging right before they get to the door.
 
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