Welcome to Jooka's 2nd annual* PS4 Giveaway!

Bandwagon

Kolohe
<Silver Donator>
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eXarc eXarc - You'll still have to hit up Hatorade Hatorade for a game. ;)
52zupDT.png


And, as promised, here is exarc's novel -
And a quote to get you started "His four and a half inch monstrosity was harder than the foundation London was built upon."
Dirty Denny's
an FoH original
by eXarc





Ravven's lips smacked against the tissue wadded in her delicate fingers, disposing of any excess make up. She needed to look perfect. "Fuck, I'm going to be late. He hates it when I'm late," she muttered to herself, exasperated. Her heels clicked and clacked against the dirty kitchen floor tiles on her way to the door. She paused before reaching for the door handle and pulled a prescription bottle from her oversized Michael Kors bag. "Better to just have a few now and get it over with," she proclaimed to herself. She threw the pale blue Vicodin pills into the back of her throat with the confidence and precision of a Navy Seal sniper. She was ready.

"You're late," Alex said in a firm tone, a disappointing expression forming across his shrewd face. It was cold outside, and there were homeless people lighting cigarettes across the parking lot near the dumpster. It made her want to light up, but she knew that wouldn't be possible now. The only thing she'd be smoking tonight was sitting between two Oxen-size balls in the beige chinos of the greatest guild leader of all time.

He cleared his throat and looked directly into her eyes, "Before we go in, I need you to check the WoW sub-forums and see if anyone has responded to my request. Those cocksuckers WILL cave, I don't give a fuck how long it takes. I'll throw those board meeting assholes out of a fucking window before I let my guild get fucked out of loot." She pulled out her brand new rose gold iPhone that had been given to her by strangers on the internet and opened a browser window. She hesitated for a split second. She had forgotten to tell the admins about the breach that occurred this morning. She had to pull the servers down indefinitely, and Furor had not yet heard about it. She decided she was going to lie about it, but before she could, Furor had already sensed something wrong. "Excuse me, do you think Grand Slams are going to wait all fucking day? I'm starving. Bring up the website and lets get this over with, for fucks sake," he practically screamed at her. "I...I...Alex..." she stumbled over her words, while the fear from the growing tension climbed into her ovaries and made her wet. "The servers are down. I'm so sorr-" he cut her off before she had a chance to finish. He flung open the backseat to his car and pulled her by the hair towards the opening, throwing her ass first over the shitty faux-leather. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THE SERVERS ARE DOWN?" he belted out, furious that he had been unaware of the situation. "I DON'T GIVE YOU XBOX ONES AND THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF SHOES AND VICODIN FOR MY FUCKING SERVERS TO BE DOWN, BITCH," he shouted, red with fury. She said nothing, as she knew there was nothing she could do at this point to remedy his volcanic displeasure. His body tore at her skirt and panties with unbelievable speed - only the sort of speed and dexterity that could be cultivated from tanking for some of the best MMORPG raiders on the planet. It turned her on. "I KNEW I COULDN'T TRUST YOU. I WAS GOING TO BUY YOU A SAUSAGE AND EGG BREAKFAST PLATE, BUT NOW...NOW YOU'LL HAVE MY SAUSAGE INSTEAD," he screamed, almost not even getting the words out properly from being so angry. At this point, her self worth was lower than Yahoo stock. She was wetter than a dog stuck outside in a Southeast Asian monsoon. "I'm...I'm sorry Alex, punish me however you see fit," she whimpered. His four and a half inch monstrosity was harder than the foundation London was built upon. She grasped at the seat-belts, desperate for something to cling on to as he pounded her harder than a construction worker with a jackhammer and an old grudge. He grunted furiously as his muscles started to convulse, his well shaped fingers shaking against her neck. He pulled out and flipped her over at the last second, finishing all over her freshly dry cleaned black dress and made up face. He let out a deep sigh of relief, exhaustion and frustration. "I can't even be bothered to be seen in public with you anymore, you unreliable piece of shit." She slowly climbed out of the backseat of the car and corrected her posture. "But, don't you at least want to get a meal here? We're already at Denny's...I mean..." she pleaded. "Absolutely fucking not," he shot back at her, cold as ice, he continued "and get those fucking servers back up." Furor spun around and climbed back into his vehicle. He turned the key to his '07 Ford Focus and sped off without another word.

She made her way into the Denny's with a melancholy aura emanating from her presence. She sat at the bar. "What'll I get for you, hun?" the waitress said sweetly. "Just a black coffee, thanks." Ravenn wiped away a lonesome tear from her cheek. "No problem, sweetheart. Be right back."

The waitress slid the hot coffee across the tabletop to Ravven. She took a sip and felt a bit more comfortable. "Hey sweetie, I hate to tell you, but you have something on your lip. Right there. Yep. You got it."

"Oh thanks," she said as she felt around her face for the offending substance. There it was. Sticky. Gross. It was Furor's baby syrup. She wasn't even embarrassed. This was the third time this month this had happened. She resolved herself to popping another Vicodin and bumming a cigarette from the homeless guys across the lot. Fuck it.

@pharmakos - sorry fella. Daddy Warbucks went nuclear.

@jooka - calm your #tits, your ps4 will be in the mail by friday.
 
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gauze

Molten Core Raider
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Just reading it, I got the vibe you two were dating and you're giving your heartfelt gift away.

And damn, I was close to enter 21yrold girl titties b/csish but the fanfic already won XD.

She was defs down too ;c maybe another time.
 

Bandwagon

Kolohe
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We've probably "talked" 3 or 4 times since he bought me the ps4 ~4 years ago, all of which were for less than 2 minutes or 1 post. We never talked before he offered to buy me one either, which is part of why it was so cool.


I'm assuming it's either a language barrier or an aspie barrier. /shrug. Cool gesture, poor follow up.
 

spronk

FPS noob
22,597
25,649
this thread is foh in a nutshell

i also remember when jooka bought bw the ps4, it was also cuz bandwagon was making the destiny friends tag thread. good times, we all raided atheons palace like once and then everyone stopped playing destiny. just like foh

ironically i ran destiny again today to collect my weekly loot from the reef
 
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eXarc

Trakanon Raider
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Bandwagon Bandwagon is a living legend and I am forever grateful for being able to play video games again! And all it took was a little awkward writing session (that I actually enjoyed way too much and thought was hilarious). Fuck yeah!
 
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Crone

Bronze Baronet of the Realm
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@jooka You don't get to dictate or give a flying fuck about what Bandwagon Bandwagon does with that Ps4. The second you bought it for him, it's his, and he can do whatever he wants with it. Including giving it away to another forum member in need, because he's cool as fuck.

Good riddance you fucking faggot.

Thank you BW for being a bad ass.
 
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Bandwagon

Kolohe
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I'll send it back to him, functioning and in the same condition it was yesterday and when I received it. I don't really feel like being indebted anymore.

I'm really not sure what's worse though - Thinking that his interpretation of this thread was way off, or realizing that a guy I've thought was cool as hell for the last 4 years is actually a fucking....I don't know what.
 

slippery

<Bronze Donator>
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Tits or rito. Contest should still exist, I'm sure we can get some prizes going. I could throw in a steam gift card or something for the bros
 
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Bandwagon

Kolohe
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Actually, this is what I sent eXarc. This sums it up.

Someone I never talked to/didn't know that rarely posted on the same message board that I rarely posted to bought me a ps4 once. I know the feeling.

Let's hope I don't turn out to be a cunt, too.
 

Hatorade

A nice asshole.
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I honestly don't want to see any moobs, I was just following the lead of an awesome gesture.
 

Bandwagon

Kolohe
<Silver Donator>
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Tits or rito. Contest should still exist, I'm sure we can get some prizes going. I could throw in a steam gift card or something for the bros
Hey, I like that idea. eXarc's story made me laugh my ass off at work, so I would love to see some more.

Hold off on the contest submissions for now....but if anyone wants to toss in to a pot, post your offering and we'll figure out prizes (if enough people feel like tossing in). Digitally transferable gifts would be easiest.
 
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eXarc

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I didn't think you guys wanted to see my shitty man tits anyway, was hoping the erotic essay would suffice.

I really thought the entire contest was in good fun and had a blast participating. I offered to send BW some beer stuff as a thank you (get it for free from buddies brewery) so I would be willing to also pitch in a 6 pack of craft beer and some swagger to the new prize pool as a general thank you to the forum bros. The least I could do.
 
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Koushirou

Log Wizard
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Was that dude fucking serious? What a weird fucking thing to get salty about. You were basically just paying it forward with a little fun involved. Props, BW.

That is one hell of a fanfic though, eX, though I'm sure we'd still love to see your man tits. Grats!
 
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