What tickles your pickle

Hoss

Hoss

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Had a safety meeting today where they taught us about ergonomics. At one point the guy was telling us everything about the way I sit is wrong. I was like, motherfucker, I'm basically a professional sitter. You're a teacher who wears safety glasses. Stay in your fucking lane.
 
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TrollfaceDeux

TrollfaceDeux

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some crazy woman claiming pregnancy is bad and abortion is good.

I was super rustled for like 5 minutes but then I realized she isn't going to have a baby and her genes will die off, so I was happy again.
 
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Conefed

Conefed

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When I start my shower, I detach the corded shower head and aim the bead at my feet. It warms them up and gets the blood flowing quite nicely.
 
Hoss

Hoss

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Bro, you got a detachable shower head and aiming it at your feet is tickling your pickle?

177ece197f5d75e64a791eb3dc149cac220bdd672771460777029bc65b900e4f.jpg
 
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Bandwagon

Bandwagon

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As soon as I stepped onto the sidewalk when leaving work today, I heard someone coming down the street and smashing the fuck out of their horn.

BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEEEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEP

I turned around and saw some early 2000s sedan with tinted windows and could just barely make out a driver that was waving at me like a lunatic while still honking the horn. BEEP BEEEEEEEP BEEEP BEEP. No idea who it was, but they stopped at a red light about 30 yards ahead.

When I got up to the crosswalk, the window was down and some early-20s asian fella was smiling and hollering something at me. I smiled and yelled "Hey Man, what's up?!" like everyone does when they don't recognize the person that recognizes you.

"....[gibberish]..."BEEEP BEEEEEEP BEEP ".....SKYLIGHT!"

To which I reply - "What about about a skylight, man? I can't hear you over the horn".

Him, with the most sincere & innocent smile ever - "I'm so happy! My new car has a skylight and the weather is BEAUTIFUL!"

I kind of stuttered for a minute out of pure confusion, but managed to get a "CONGRATULATIONS!" out before the light changed.

I was chuckling to myself as I walked to the parking lot, but then I heard him laying on the fucking horn again all the way down main street and I started laughing my fucking ass off.

BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEEEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEP

Consider my pickle tickled.

Edit: I've seen this kid twice since I posted this a few months ago. One of the times he asked me out. Heard from a coworker that he's completely insane.
 
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lurkingdirk

lurkingdirk

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Bandwagon said:
As soon as I stepped onto the sidewalk when leaving work today, I heard someone coming down the street and smashing the fuck out of their horn.

BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEEEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEP

I turned around and saw some early 2000s sedan with tinted windows and could just barely make out a driver that was waving at me like a lunatic while still honking the horn. BEEP BEEEEEEEP BEEEP BEEP. No idea who it was, but they stopped at a red light about 30 yards ahead.

When I got up to the crosswalk, the window was down and some early-20s asian fella was smiling and hollering something at me. I smiled and yelled "Hey Man, what's up?!" like everyone does when they don't recognize the person that recognizes you.

"....[gibberish]..."BEEEP BEEEEEEP BEEP ".....SKYLIGHT!"

To which I reply - "What about about a skylight, man? I can't hear you over the horn".

Him, with the most sincere & innocent smile ever - "I'm so happy! My new car has a skylight and the weather is BEAUTIFUL!"

I kind of stuttered for a minute out of pure confusion, but managed to get a "CONGRATULATIONS!" out before the light changed.

I was chuckling to myself as I walked to the parking lot, but then I heard him laying on the fucking horn again all the way down main street and I started laughing my fucking ass off.

BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEEEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEP

Consider my pickle tickled.
Click to expand...

That is awesome.
 
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Sentagur

Sentagur

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Bandwagon said:
As soon as I stepped onto the sidewalk when leaving work today, I heard someone coming down the street and smashing the fuck out of their horn.

BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEEEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEP

I turned around and saw some early 2000s sedan with tinted windows and could just barely make out a driver that was waving at me like a lunatic while still honking the horn. BEEP BEEEEEEEP BEEEP BEEP. No idea who it was, but they stopped at a red light about 30 yards ahead.

When I got up to the crosswalk, the window was down and some early-20s asian fella was smiling and hollering something at me. I smiled and yelled "Hey Man, what's up?!" like everyone does when they don't recognize the person that recognizes you.

"....[gibberish]..."BEEEP BEEEEEEP BEEP ".....SKYLIGHT!"

To which I reply - "What about about a skylight, man? I can't hear you over the horn".

Him, with the most sincere & innocent smile ever - "I'm so happy! My new car has a skylight and the weather is BEAUTIFUL!"

I kind of stuttered for a minute out of pure confusion, but managed to get a "CONGRATULATIONS!" out before the light changed.

I was chuckling to myself as I walked to the parking lot, but then I heard him laying on the fucking horn again all the way down main street and I started laughing my fucking ass off.

BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEEEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEP

Consider my pickle tickled.
Click to expand...
Now imagine the day he finds out about convertibles!
 
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Aldarion

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Thats hysterical when you consider that the English translation of the sound of a honking horn is "FUCK YOU". So this guy was driving around going Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck out of sheer joy. Thats funny shit.
 
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Borzak

Borzak

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Spent the morning shelling peas. The woman who dropped them off said she offered them to two other people and they were like "Wut? you have to shell them they don't come ready to eat?" LOL
 
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Hoss

Hoss

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New guy at work is named Jerry. I've had sort of ear worm for a month now of Rick saying "Even a God Damned Jerry". I need to find out if this guy is a Rick and Morty fan.

Best part is, he shares Jerry's meekness. So far he doesn't seem to be a loser though.
 
Hoss

Hoss

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Without going into specifics, I noticed a sort of discrepancy in what a company was saying versus what what was actually there. Stopped in about a month ago to just ask the manager about it, see if I was missing something. He said he'd look into it. I was back this week and not only did they fix it, they went way beyond what I would have suggested if they'd asked my opinion. So I stopped in to talk to the manager again today and say thanks. I mentioned how quick the turn around was, though for all I knew they'd been working on it for months. He said no, it took them about 2 weeks once I brought it to their attention and they've already rolled it out nationwide.

Holy shit, that's kinda cool. All because I took the time to ask a manager a question.
 
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Hoss

Hoss

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Maintenance dept at work changes the AC filters on a schedule. I forget what the interval is, but every time they do, the old filters are clean. In fact, the only way you can tell the difference between the old ones and the new ones is that the old ones are crushed up. Why are they crushed up? Because our return vents are a little smaller than a standard size so they just crumple them up and shove them in the hole. I've mentioned a few times that if the filter is clean when you're sposed to be replacing them, that means it's not working. I it was designed to put the filter on the outside of the hole but the guy says that can't be right cause then you'd have to put a screw through the outside edge of the filter. Yeah, so? That sounds way better than what you're doing. Either that or get one of those filters you can cut to custom sizes. He says they can't do that cause they're too expensive.

This is almost a rustle but in actuality it makes me laugh.
 
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Hoss

Hoss

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Going through my companies annual drug abuse training. They might as well just make us watch reefer madness. Some of the scare tactics are downright funny.

Also, yall are some miserable fucks. Why am I the only one been getting his pickle tickled recently?
 
Alasliasolonik

Alasliasolonik

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Hoss said:
Going through my companies annual drug abuse training. They might as well just make us watch reefer madness. Some of the scare tactics are downright funny.

Also, yall are some miserable fucks. Why am I the only one been getting his pickle tickled recently?
Click to expand...

There is the October rant fest thread pinned at the top of screenshots if you want to type a bunch of random stuff and win a free shawing or whatever the fuck is going on.
 
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A

a_skeleton_05

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Saving $500 this year on my internet bill just from calling to cancel, and getting offered a loyalty discount.
 
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Hoss

Hoss

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I'm working with a guy named rhed. He's a foreigner, probably phillipino. Anyway I find out his real name is Rey and rhed is a nickname. I'm like, I'm not sure you understand how nicknames work man.

Then I ask him why it's rhed instead of red. He says because rhed is a name and red is a color. Now I'm positive he doesn't know how nicknames work.
 
Borzak

Borzak

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I normally do not use any social media. This is the closest I come. I lost access to my facebook account due to inactivity and they wanted me to contact people on my friends list that I haven't talked to in 30 years and some are dead. I magically got to log in today at the wifes urging.

I had 500+ messages from people. Most of them positive. Kind of felt good.
I did notice 95% of the people on my friends list are women. I am not a ladies man in any stretch of the imagination. Kind of stuck out to me. The light at the end of the tunnel is starting to get a tiny bit brighter.
 
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Borzak

Borzak

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Hoss said:
Going through my companies annual drug abuse training. They might as well just make us watch reefer madness. Some of the scare tactics are downright funny.

Also, yall are some miserable fucks. Why am I the only one been getting his pickle tickled recently?
Click to expand...

We never got any training. Bunch of test. The only warning was don't do like the CDL driver we had did. Took a drug test for CDL, took employment drug test often. One day left office to deliver something to plant. Did "something". They arrested him inside the Exxon refinery where he was going wandering around high as shit and just turning random valves with valve turner he picked up off the fence.
 
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A

a_skeleton_05

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I purchased a pretty affordable 2 year warranty with my Staples chair and close to 2 years later (now) the chair frame has turned to shit. I started a repair request and the automatic application process is like "Nah dog, we can just give you your money back" and two clicks later I'm getting my money back, with instructions to just recycle the chair.
 
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