Whats rustling your jimmies?

Religion.

Religion rustles my jimmies. Here's why.

Imagine that right now there were two think tanks hard at work to produce A) cost-effective clone bodies grown in a short amount of time and B) the brain/computer/brain interfacing technology to allow you to "sleeve" into a new body. Imagine this became a reality. Sure, I know: it's science fiction right now.* But just imagine these technologies were suddenly introduced. Imagine the transhuman dream of your body being more akin to a vehicle or even a garment. Something you can wear and then replace when it's worn out. Imagine being able to never fully lose your consciousness; seamless transfer of your perceptions and thoughts from one brain to the next. You'd still have to worry about injury, mishap, and foul play... but you'd be effectively immortal. Your body would get old, but then you'd just replace it. Imagine all that became a reality.

Now imagine some bible thumping tea party senator from one of the southern fly-over states trying to enact legislation to ban it. Because it goes "against his religious convictions". You can't tell me that shit wouldn't happen. You can't look me in the eye and say with a straight face, "Zhav, that's IMPOSSIBLE. No one would be against it." You can't say it because you know that there would be religious douchebags trying to insist you should miss out on immortality to maintain their retarded stone age delusion. Think of the religious people today who deny themselves and their children lifesaving medicine in favor of "prayer healing". It would happen. At some point, people are going to not just die needlessly for religion (that's been happening for thousands of years)... no... people aren't just going to die for religion. They're going to die and miss out on immortality.

Because of religion.

Fuck your stupid fucking delusion.


*Think of all the shit you've seen in your lifetime that WAS science fiction when you were a kid and is now common place. It may be scifi today, but it might be a reality soon.

Women and their bullshit unanswerable questions. What, exactly, is an appropriate response to "Here, look at this picture of my teenage daughter in her prom dress and tell me if you think it looks too slutty."

If you say no and the woman thinks yes, you're a pedophile. If you say yes and the woman thinks no, you're in deep shit for suggesting her daughter is a slut. Oh and you have only a few seconds to read her mind and come up with an appropriate response, if you look at the picture too long trying to come up with an answer you're also a pervert.

Bonus points if she asks you this while in the presence of the teenage daughter and her father.

The burning nose sensation when a smoker walks into the room, especially when you're doing something that requires concentration, especially when it was otherwise peaceful and comfortable beforehand, especially if the smoker hand no grand purpose for being there, especially if the smoker gets upset at your reaction and leaves to smoke another.

Stray cats and the idiot ass dogs that wake me up after 2 and a half hours of sleep because they're puking from stray cat shit.
God I can't fucking stand stray cats. Those pics that say ohhh you better check under and around your car for stray cats! Yeah? Oh I'll check alright. I'm going to wait until one falls asleep snuggled up against one of my car tires and I'm gonna run it the fuck over.
Yeah my jimmies are rustled as fuck right now. lol

Websites that have interesting articles but also have adds you cannot remove or pause that make noise

The look on the faces of middle aged women when they drive aggressively, or do something stupid on the road.

God dammit. Crazy ex calling me at 2am last night, while I'm at my girlfriend's, saying
"I'm coming over"
"No you're not?"

10 minutes later I get a text saying "That was your last chance. Bye"

Rustled because you didn't have a grumpy cat pic handy to reply with?

Turns out I have an allergy to sodium lauryl sulfate which causes a rabid outbreak of canker sores in my mouth. I found this out after I kept getting them suddenly and had no idea what was causing them or why they wouldn't go away. I've always used Colgate toothpaste, not sure why, just always did. I went to a new store when I was running low, they were out, so I bought Crest instead. Apparently all Crest toothpastes contain sodium lauryl sulfate. So essentially brushing my teeth was causing me to break out with these fuckers. My mouth is a war zone right now. Fucking painful and hideous. Rustled.